She's Asking for It! by Eve Kingsley Page B

– Sadism (the enjoyment of inflicting pain onto others) – Masochism (the enjoyment or receiving pain). We’re talking about a whole other ball of wax here. If you really are looking for more hardcore sex advice, this might serve as an excellent, albeit extremely introductory guide to the power dynamic behind BDSM.
     
    Just remember, in no way are you delving that deep into kink, so don’t assume that this has to be the beginning of something more serious or strange. If you are interested in BDSM, then I encourage you to do some lengthy research before even thinking about engaging in it. It’s not just all whips and chains, but a lot of work and dedication, a lot of learning and skill, a lot of psychological exploration and some very serious consideration! Why not try something a bit subtler for now and see where it goes?
     
    A Word to the Women:
     
    Remember, make sure you have a clearly defined idea of what you want from your man when you say you want him to be more assertive in the bedroom. This will help you define boundaries later on.
     
    Also, keep in mind that at no time do you have to continue with this type of sex play. We’ll talk about this more in a bit, but just because you brought it up doesn’t mean you have to see it through. If you are ever uncomfortable, or if it just plain isn’t doing it for you, then stop and figure out what’s going on before you try anything more.
     
    To get your man to alpha male status, you’re going to have to give him some direction and there might have to be some strange conversations about what you want. Keep in mind that your man loves you and wants you to be happy! Once he gets the hang of it, it’s going to be fun for him too!
     
    The major point you need to make sure your man understands perfectly is that this is not a reflection of his masculinity. This is a sexual desire you have, that he can fulfill for you, something only he can fulfill for you, because he is the man you love and desire.
     
    A Word to the Men:
     
    Guys, I understand this might be a new and strange thing for you, so I’d like to remind you of a few things as we move on to the down and dirty techniques of being more sexually dominant.
 
    As we told the ladies above, and as your own lady should be telling you, just because she wants you to be more assertive in the bedroom does not mean she is questioning your manhood. It doesn’t mean she wants you to beat her or be intentionally cruel. Your role in this endeavor is to LISTEN to what she’s telling you, and to make a concerted effort to be on her same wavelength once you start getting busy. She’ll let you know what she wants; she’ll let you know when what you’re doing isn’t working; and she probably won’t need to tell you, in so many words, when it is working.
     
    Safe Words:
     
    While I have stressed above that male assertiveness in the bedroom has nothing to do with the BDSM culture, we are going to take a page from their book, just to be extra cautious. Let’s talk about safe words.
     
    Safe words are traditionally used in instances when there is a level of pain involved in the sex play, or if the situation requires, as part of some kind of role-playing, that one or the other partner says, “No” or “Stop” but is not supposed to mean it. Of course, couples who have used them successfully for this particular intention often end up using them in their daily interactions, to call off an argument or simply to communicate that they are overwhelmed, confused, scared or just plain need a time out.
     
    We’re going to get into some of the more intense games the two of you can play at a point later in the book, but anytime you are dealing with a shift in power dynamic, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
     
    Simply put, a safe word is a word or short phrase that can communicate quickly and easily that something needs to change or stop immediately. Common safe words are color names, city names or state names – things