Shattered Rose by T L Gray

everything else seemed to disappear. But the euphoric, out of body experience I had been promised in books and movies wasn’t there, and sometimes, it even felt uncomfortable. I pushed those thoughts aside and focused instead on how much I loved the man in my bed. He was warm and caring and made me feel like I was special. As if he knew I was thinking of him, he opened his sleepy eyes and looked at me.
    “Hi,” he said with a slight grin.
    “Hi,” I whispered back, my stomach in knots.
    “Are you ok?” he asked, moving hair off my cheek.
    “I’m fine.” His eyebrows peaked. “More than fine,” I corrected, laughing. He drew me into a bear hug and kissed me hard before getting up. He walked around the room picking up his clothes, and I turned my head, embarrassed at his exposure.
    “Do you want breakfast?” I asked, feeling mildly insecure.
    “No baby, I wish I could, but I have to get home. Big test tomorrow.” He got dressed so fast that it almost looked as if he was running away. I tried to settle the growing uneasiness in the pit of my stomach.
    “I’ll call you later,” he promised, as he gave me one final kiss and was out the door. I stumbled into the bathroom, still in shock over what had just happened.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

 
    “Lord, I know there will be times in her life when she feels lost and broken. I pray in her weakness that you become her strength…”
     
     
     
    7. heartache
     
    My imagination was running wild, even though my heart kept telling it to stop. Jake had been by every night this week, but I couldn’t suppress the feeling that something was different. He seemed agitated and distant, leaving exactly at midnight every night as if he was waiting for his time to be up. I felt too insecure to ask him about it and instead pretended everything was ok.
    Issy was nowhere to be seen. She had finally agreed to a date with Danny, and I guess she had fun because she’d been sleeping over there ever since. The hole her absence left was staggering, and I quickly realized how much her cheerful banter did to lighten the mood. 
    We continued on that way until I finally found enough courage to ask him about it; he just said he had bombed his finance test and had to practically be perfect on everything else coming up. I knew the feeling. Thermodynamics had gone from bad to worse. I got a D on my midterm and even my study group stopped calling me, because I so often showed up without the work done. I didn’t know how I was going to recover. It was too late to drop the class without a “WF,” and my scholarship didn’t allow for any incomplete grades. 
    I snuggled up next to him on the couch and kissed his neck. “We could study together. I have a class that’s on the brink myself.” He stood up briskly and started pacing the room.
    “What’s wrong?” I asked. He hadn’t so much as touched me beyond the required boyfriend hello and goodbye kisses since our night together. I was starting to question if he enjoyed it, or if he was even attracted to me anymore.
    “Nothing…I’m just feeling smothered, that’s all.”
    “By me?” I asked incredulously.
    “Yes…I mean, no. Just by everything.” He wasn’t making any sense, and my gut started to turn with fear as I watched him continue to pace across the living room floor. “I just feel like you are putting pressure on me.”
    I had no idea where this was coming from. A week ago we were locked in each other’s arms, him telling me how close he wanted us to be.
    “Jake, I have never pressured you. I’ve never asked for anything.” I knew my voice was strained, and that I was on the verge of losing all composure.
    “You think I can’t tell, that I don’t see everything you are thinking when you look at me? You wear your feelings on your sleeve, Avery, and I can’t measure up. You think I’m this perfect guy without flaws and I’m not.” His voice was getting louder as he spoke, but the pacing at