true. Thanks for offering, though.” Sam cocked his head. “What are you smiling at?”
“I was just thinking … I’d heard all those rumors about you, and I’d considered all sorts of bizarre possibilities. This one never occurred to me, though.”
“You think I’m demented.”
“Actually, I think you’re amazing. In a demented sort of way.”
Sam leaned toward me. He cupped my face in his hands, gazing at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. The barest breeze rustled the grass. After a moment he let go and we sat there silently, watching as Sara marched the dogs across the field.
“I’m sorry,” Sam said suddenly.
“About what?”
“Izzy and all that. I want to help. I just … I couldn’t pretend that way.”
“It was probably dumb. Demented, you might even say.”
“Not demented. Noble.” Sam grinned, but I could tell he was serious. “Altruistic.”
I thought about my mom’s words the day before. “Not so noble.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe there’s a tiny amount of guilt mixed in.”
“What kind of guilt?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Part of it is that it seems wrong to have something good happen to me right now. You know, when something so bad is happening to someone I care about.”
“And the other part?”
“Never mind. I’ll sound like I’m twelve.”
Sam smiled knowingly.
“Okay, guilt, as in …” I hesitated. “As in I liked you from the day we met, but then only a few hours after that, Izzy said she liked you, and I didn’t want to bring it up because she’d just found out about being sick.” I came up for air.
“You liked me.”
“Yes.”
I love you
, I added silently.
“And now you’re willing to give me up for the good of mankind.”
“No. For the good of Izzy.” I opened the door. “Look, I should get back to my car,” I said. “I’ll go get Sara.”
Sam drummed his fingers on the wheel. I could see he was working his way to a decision about something.
“Alison,” he said at last, “I have bad feelings about this. I think it’s a mistake. Not for you and me, but for Izzy.” He paused briefly, then added, “Whatever we do, we have to make sure we don’t hurt her.”
Suddenly I realized what he was saying. I felt a strange, combustible mixture of elation and defeat.
“Of course we have to make sure we don’t hurt her,” I said softly.
“You’re still convinced this is a good idea?”
“She likes you, Sam. Just go out with her, have fun, let her have a boyfriend for a little while. It’s only …” I struggled for a gentle word. “It’s only temporary.”
“Temporary,” he whispered.
We gazed at each other silently, realizing what that meant.
“So,” Sam said at last. “I guess this means the dance is off, huh?”
“You can’t dance, anyway. Besides, if we went, the word would get out, and Izzy would be bound to hear about it.”
Sam got out of the car. He came to me, took my hand, and pulled me close. “You do realize I’m in love with you, right?”
He kissed me then, an urgent, long kiss, and I let myself forget about everything, everything in the world.
Even Izzy.
Sam pulled away. He looked at me, pure concentration. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you can give me Izzy’s number.”
Chapter 10
B Y THURSDAY IZZY was back in school, acting as if nothing had happened, as though she’d fainted just for the extra attention. We spent our lunch period in the library, sneaking Doritos while I helped her catch up on her missed homework.
“So what did the doctor say yesterday?” I whispered.
Izzy looked up from her notebook. “You know how doctors are. They don’t actually
say
anything. They just mumble pompously.” She adjusted her scarf, a silky green number that made her look very old-Hollywood. “He and my mom did a lot of conferring. I think the consensus was I’d go to school no matter what they said, so they’d better just shut up and let me go.”
“How
“I was just thinking … I’d heard all those rumors about you, and I’d considered all sorts of bizarre possibilities. This one never occurred to me, though.”
“You think I’m demented.”
“Actually, I think you’re amazing. In a demented sort of way.”
Sam leaned toward me. He cupped my face in his hands, gazing at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. The barest breeze rustled the grass. After a moment he let go and we sat there silently, watching as Sara marched the dogs across the field.
“I’m sorry,” Sam said suddenly.
“About what?”
“Izzy and all that. I want to help. I just … I couldn’t pretend that way.”
“It was probably dumb. Demented, you might even say.”
“Not demented. Noble.” Sam grinned, but I could tell he was serious. “Altruistic.”
I thought about my mom’s words the day before. “Not so noble.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe there’s a tiny amount of guilt mixed in.”
“What kind of guilt?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Part of it is that it seems wrong to have something good happen to me right now. You know, when something so bad is happening to someone I care about.”
“And the other part?”
“Never mind. I’ll sound like I’m twelve.”
Sam smiled knowingly.
“Okay, guilt, as in …” I hesitated. “As in I liked you from the day we met, but then only a few hours after that, Izzy said she liked you, and I didn’t want to bring it up because she’d just found out about being sick.” I came up for air.
“You liked me.”
“Yes.”
I love you
, I added silently.
“And now you’re willing to give me up for the good of mankind.”
“No. For the good of Izzy.” I opened the door. “Look, I should get back to my car,” I said. “I’ll go get Sara.”
Sam drummed his fingers on the wheel. I could see he was working his way to a decision about something.
“Alison,” he said at last, “I have bad feelings about this. I think it’s a mistake. Not for you and me, but for Izzy.” He paused briefly, then added, “Whatever we do, we have to make sure we don’t hurt her.”
Suddenly I realized what he was saying. I felt a strange, combustible mixture of elation and defeat.
“Of course we have to make sure we don’t hurt her,” I said softly.
“You’re still convinced this is a good idea?”
“She likes you, Sam. Just go out with her, have fun, let her have a boyfriend for a little while. It’s only …” I struggled for a gentle word. “It’s only temporary.”
“Temporary,” he whispered.
We gazed at each other silently, realizing what that meant.
“So,” Sam said at last. “I guess this means the dance is off, huh?”
“You can’t dance, anyway. Besides, if we went, the word would get out, and Izzy would be bound to hear about it.”
Sam got out of the car. He came to me, took my hand, and pulled me close. “You do realize I’m in love with you, right?”
He kissed me then, an urgent, long kiss, and I let myself forget about everything, everything in the world.
Even Izzy.
Sam pulled away. He looked at me, pure concentration. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you can give me Izzy’s number.”
Chapter 10
B Y THURSDAY IZZY was back in school, acting as if nothing had happened, as though she’d fainted just for the extra attention. We spent our lunch period in the library, sneaking Doritos while I helped her catch up on her missed homework.
“So what did the doctor say yesterday?” I whispered.
Izzy looked up from her notebook. “You know how doctors are. They don’t actually
say
anything. They just mumble pompously.” She adjusted her scarf, a silky green number that made her look very old-Hollywood. “He and my mom did a lot of conferring. I think the consensus was I’d go to school no matter what they said, so they’d better just shut up and let me go.”
“How
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