Knitting Rules! by Stephanie Pearl–McPhee

a swatch and still have a gauge problem. This is partly because big pieces of knitting (like your sweater) behave differently from small pieces of knitting (like your swatch). It’s also because when you knit stuff, the law of gravity comes into play. Once you get a sweater knit and hanging on a person, gravity begins to pull on it and you can get some pretty significant gauge surprises. There are also laws of knitting that become a factor. The one I believe is involved with gauge is called the Element of Surprise. The way swatches lie is simply another one of knitting’s little jokes designed to keep things interesting.
    The bigger the better. Sometimes the things going on with gauge are subtle. (I’d say “naked to the human eye” but that sounds bitter.) The bigger your swatch, the more obvious the trouble. There’s no magic size that reveals all flaws (except “actual size”), but I think you should aim to do more than just a couple of rows. Did I mention the lying? Don’t cheat. No squashing, mushing, or stretching a swatch to make it work. Measure it exactly the way it is and suck it up if it’s wrong. Ignoring a half stitch you don’t want to believe is there isalmost as bad as the swatch lying, and the consequences are the same.
    Always wash a swatch. Some pretty funky things can happen to yarns when they hit water, and you don’t want surprises when those funky things happen to a sweater that took away 60 hours of your life. Wash a swatch the way you’ll wash the finished item.
    Don’t expect a swatch to be an absolute. I can’t overemphasize the possibility that you’ll do everything right and you’ll still have a gauge problem. The only perfectly accurate gauge swatch is one knit to scale.
    Gauge isn’t used just to match the tension of the pattern. It’s also a way to affect the way your knitting looks and feels. Are you knitting a scarf and it feels too stiff? Go up a needle size or two and give it more drape. Use gauge to fine-tune your knitting.
    Even if you “get gauge” when you substitute yarns, there may be other changes. Using a yarn of a texture or fiber different from the original can make things very, very different from what you planned. Gauge isn’t the only thing that matters. Use your instincts.
    You’re going to meet knitters who tell you row gauge doesn’t matter and that they ignore it. They may be right. They may be wrong. Until I can figure that out for myself, though, I’m going to pay a little attention.
    Swatches lie. (It bears repeating.)

five
Hats
    H ATS ARE A WONDER and a gift and the best thing you could ever choose to knit. I know I’m making a firm statement there, but I can say it quite honestly because I’m not knitting one right now and I have the clarity of distance. I understand you may not feel the same love for hats that I do if you have one glaring at you from your knitting basket; if that’s the case, perhaps you’ll see my point if you come back to this chapter sometime when your arse is being kicked by a shawl instead.
    Despite all the good reasons for knitting hats (see pages 104–5 for just a few), as a knitter you’re going to meet the occasional person who hates hats. Maybe, just to add insult to injury, the person actually hates just knitted hats. What do you do? What does a dedicated, loving, talented, and committed hat-knitting knitter do when faced with that kind of personal attack? Knit mittens. Hats aren’t worth a missionary effort, and studies show (I asked around) that if you knit for a hat resister, nine times out of 10 the hat ends up at Goodwill or stuffed down the back of his closet. One out of 10 times the recipient keeps the hat around (reluctantly and wears it when he sees you). This is not good for a relationship. Walk away; knit where you’re appreciated. Other people love hats.
    Of course, there are also those with an