no, I think
I know where this is heading.
“Well, um,
yeah.”
“And you
wouldn’t find it creepy or breaking the girl code if I hooked up
with him. I mean, I know you met him first and you have this friend
thing going on but you’re into Nicholas right? I wouldn’t be
hurting you, would I?”
What do I say
to that? Yes, you would be hurting me? Yes, I like Joel the same as
I like Nicholas? You need to back off because I’m going to have it
off with both of them and I have no intention of sharing?
“Um, it might
not be a good idea. It could be awkward.”
“Why? If we
were going out it would be great. We’d be friends and couples.”
“Joel’s gay.”
I’ve blurted it without even considering the ramifications of what
I just said but honestly, it’s the only thing I can think of that
will throw her off. God. I’m such a bitch. I should let my best
friend have the boy I want. I mean, there are two of them. It’s
very selfish of me to want them both.
But I do. I
do.
“Gay?” Emily’s
face is a picture. I don’t know what of. “You’re kidding,
right?”
“Nope.
Nicholas told me. Camp as a row of tents.”
“Maybe he told
you that because he wants you for himself and sees Joel as a
threat?”
This lie has
suddenly grown legs and is sprinting down the track.
“I doubt it.
They’re best friends and Nicholas isn’t the type to sabotage a
possible relationship. If he thought I liked Joel more than I liked
him he’d bow out. I’m sure of it. It has to be true.”
“That’s
annoying.”
I feign
sadness for my friend. “Yeah. Bummer.”
“And so
typical. The best men are always gay or married. That’s why I get
stuck with the dregs. Thank God I got the heads up before I put the
legwork in. It’d be such a waste to spend the entire night flirting
like mad with a guy who has no interest.” She shakes her head in
resignation. “I could have sworn he was straight though. I was
getting the vibe.”
“Your radar
must be off. You have to remember the last two guys you went out
with weren’t exactly nice in the end. Maybe you need a bit of time
without a boyfriend. You know, to get your head together and see
things in perspective again. I know how hurt you were last time. I
couldn’t bear for that to happen. You deserve to be happy.”
I sound so
shallow and two-faced. I genuinely care about Emily and want her to
be happy. Just not with Joel. Or Nicholas.
“You know,
you’re right.”
“I’m always
right when I’m giving you advice.” It’s a pity I never take
my own.
The door to
the toilet stall opens and a girl appears. She’s adjusting her
teeny tiny dress and swaying slightly on her heels as she moves to
the basin to wash her hands and refresh her lipstick.
“I’ll meet you
back in the bar,” I say as Emily locks the toilet door.
“Okay,” I hear
her call.
Hopefully,
she’ll be putting on her makeup for at least five minutes so I’ll
have time to let Joel know he’s a very happy gay man who has no
interest in girls at all. I have no idea what he’s going to
say.
*****
Nicholas is
cracking up. His head is bent back, his mouth is open and he’s
laughing so hard he’s almost shaking.
“It’s not
funny,” I say. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”
“I’ve never
met anyone less gay than Joel. You could have told her he
had a girlfriend.”
“I doubt that
would stop her, the mood she’s in. I wouldn’t put it past her to
come out here and try to crack on to Joel to turn him
straight.”
I realise it
sounds like I’m being mean but Emily does latch onto men. Even she knows she does. It’s like she’s always searching for
approval. I don’t know why. She’s smart, funny and a great friend.
She doesn’t need to prove anything. Yet for some reason, she needs
the security of a man to make her feel loved and whole.
“Do you think
I should ham it up?” Joel asks. “I’m sure I could perv convincingly
on a few blokes if I try. It can’t
I know where this is heading.
“Well, um,
yeah.”
“And you
wouldn’t find it creepy or breaking the girl code if I hooked up
with him. I mean, I know you met him first and you have this friend
thing going on but you’re into Nicholas right? I wouldn’t be
hurting you, would I?”
What do I say
to that? Yes, you would be hurting me? Yes, I like Joel the same as
I like Nicholas? You need to back off because I’m going to have it
off with both of them and I have no intention of sharing?
“Um, it might
not be a good idea. It could be awkward.”
“Why? If we
were going out it would be great. We’d be friends and couples.”
“Joel’s gay.”
I’ve blurted it without even considering the ramifications of what
I just said but honestly, it’s the only thing I can think of that
will throw her off. God. I’m such a bitch. I should let my best
friend have the boy I want. I mean, there are two of them. It’s
very selfish of me to want them both.
But I do. I
do.
“Gay?” Emily’s
face is a picture. I don’t know what of. “You’re kidding,
right?”
“Nope.
Nicholas told me. Camp as a row of tents.”
“Maybe he told
you that because he wants you for himself and sees Joel as a
threat?”
This lie has
suddenly grown legs and is sprinting down the track.
“I doubt it.
They’re best friends and Nicholas isn’t the type to sabotage a
possible relationship. If he thought I liked Joel more than I liked
him he’d bow out. I’m sure of it. It has to be true.”
“That’s
annoying.”
I feign
sadness for my friend. “Yeah. Bummer.”
“And so
typical. The best men are always gay or married. That’s why I get
stuck with the dregs. Thank God I got the heads up before I put the
legwork in. It’d be such a waste to spend the entire night flirting
like mad with a guy who has no interest.” She shakes her head in
resignation. “I could have sworn he was straight though. I was
getting the vibe.”
“Your radar
must be off. You have to remember the last two guys you went out
with weren’t exactly nice in the end. Maybe you need a bit of time
without a boyfriend. You know, to get your head together and see
things in perspective again. I know how hurt you were last time. I
couldn’t bear for that to happen. You deserve to be happy.”
I sound so
shallow and two-faced. I genuinely care about Emily and want her to
be happy. Just not with Joel. Or Nicholas.
“You know,
you’re right.”
“I’m always
right when I’m giving you advice.” It’s a pity I never take
my own.
The door to
the toilet stall opens and a girl appears. She’s adjusting her
teeny tiny dress and swaying slightly on her heels as she moves to
the basin to wash her hands and refresh her lipstick.
“I’ll meet you
back in the bar,” I say as Emily locks the toilet door.
“Okay,” I hear
her call.
Hopefully,
she’ll be putting on her makeup for at least five minutes so I’ll
have time to let Joel know he’s a very happy gay man who has no
interest in girls at all. I have no idea what he’s going to
say.
*****
Nicholas is
cracking up. His head is bent back, his mouth is open and he’s
laughing so hard he’s almost shaking.
“It’s not
funny,” I say. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”
“I’ve never
met anyone less gay than Joel. You could have told her he
had a girlfriend.”
“I doubt that
would stop her, the mood she’s in. I wouldn’t put it past her to
come out here and try to crack on to Joel to turn him
straight.”
I realise it
sounds like I’m being mean but Emily does latch onto men. Even she knows she does. It’s like she’s always searching for
approval. I don’t know why. She’s smart, funny and a great friend.
She doesn’t need to prove anything. Yet for some reason, she needs
the security of a man to make her feel loved and whole.
“Do you think
I should ham it up?” Joel asks. “I’m sure I could perv convincingly
on a few blokes if I try. It can’t
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