schoolgirl as she drank in the resounding passion and deep, soft intelligence behind his complementing words. It was at the point that Sienna caught herself halfway through a girlish giggle that she actually realized what she was doing. Her smile turned instantly into a loose-jawed, gaping ‘o’ of surprise laced with horror. Where had those long dead and somewhat unwanted emotions come from? This was too much, especially for so early on such a blurry morning. She hadn’t felt that warm flush in her cheeks or that excited dance of butterflies in her stomach since...
Sienna slammed her laptop shut, the blush rushing from her suddenly snow-white face and the previously pleasant butterflies now turned to cold sludge at the pit of her stomach. She needed a cigarette, and fast. Not caring whether the librarian heard her or not, Sienna flung open the back window and clambered over the threshold, her shocked limbs so jelly like that she slipped and almost landed in a sprawled mess on the narrow pathway that marked the gap between the library and the edge of the football field. Her violently trembling hands dropped the lighter twice before she finally managed to spark it to life and shakily light the end of her Richmond, almost setting her fringe ablaze in the process.
Half the cigarette was gone within a few drags, the raw scrape of the harsh smoke down Sienna’s throat giving her something other than her wildly swinging emotions to focus on, which along with the instant mellowness of the nicotine hit helped bring her back down to reality. After a few more slow drags, her heart began to calm its racing beat, and Sienna was once again able to hear her own thoughts over the howling rush of blood through her veins.
She felt as if she’d been unfaithful to Jack somehow, that by simply blushing at another man's words she had in some way mentally betrayed him. Not that you really can betray someone who is no longer yours, someone who has left you.
He’d had to leave, Sienna had understood that, but that didn’t make it the slightest ounce easier - that didn’t make her stop loving him. And so now she was trapped, mourning a lost love that she continued to blindly stay faithful to, and punishing herself every time she felt good. She flicked the burned out stump of her cigarette towards the drain beside her, and with slightly less shaky hands sparked up another, needing more time to centre herself and collect her hectic, rambling thoughts.
She was angry, but she wasn’t sure where to place it - whether she was angry at herself, Jack, Lewis Stowell or a mixture of all three, she wasn’t sure. After another half of a Richmond, she came to the conclusion that perhaps she had overreacted a little, both in her reaction to Lewis’s message, and in her reaction to that reaction. And by the time her second cigarette had burned out, she’d manage to assemble her thoughts into a rough kind of sensible order.
She realized that what had so intrigued and excited her about the unexpected message and about Lewis himself, was the attributes he shared with Jack - his high level of taste, his intelligence, even his profession! The two of them, at first glance, shared several similar qualities, and so how could Sienna not be impressed by this mysterious messenger? Jack would even probably approve of this man - after all, they were all adults, and Sienna’s almost hysterical overreaction hadn’t exactly been an adult way to approach the situation, she realized that now. She could practically hear Jack’s voice in her head, telling her to embrace this intellectual interaction, and all of a sudden, she once again found herself beginning to blush girlishly again, and started to feel positive about the whole, unforeseen situation. “Live for the moment.” She whispered with a smile, hoping that the gentle
Sienna slammed her laptop shut, the blush rushing from her suddenly snow-white face and the previously pleasant butterflies now turned to cold sludge at the pit of her stomach. She needed a cigarette, and fast. Not caring whether the librarian heard her or not, Sienna flung open the back window and clambered over the threshold, her shocked limbs so jelly like that she slipped and almost landed in a sprawled mess on the narrow pathway that marked the gap between the library and the edge of the football field. Her violently trembling hands dropped the lighter twice before she finally managed to spark it to life and shakily light the end of her Richmond, almost setting her fringe ablaze in the process.
Half the cigarette was gone within a few drags, the raw scrape of the harsh smoke down Sienna’s throat giving her something other than her wildly swinging emotions to focus on, which along with the instant mellowness of the nicotine hit helped bring her back down to reality. After a few more slow drags, her heart began to calm its racing beat, and Sienna was once again able to hear her own thoughts over the howling rush of blood through her veins.
She felt as if she’d been unfaithful to Jack somehow, that by simply blushing at another man's words she had in some way mentally betrayed him. Not that you really can betray someone who is no longer yours, someone who has left you.
He’d had to leave, Sienna had understood that, but that didn’t make it the slightest ounce easier - that didn’t make her stop loving him. And so now she was trapped, mourning a lost love that she continued to blindly stay faithful to, and punishing herself every time she felt good. She flicked the burned out stump of her cigarette towards the drain beside her, and with slightly less shaky hands sparked up another, needing more time to centre herself and collect her hectic, rambling thoughts.
She was angry, but she wasn’t sure where to place it - whether she was angry at herself, Jack, Lewis Stowell or a mixture of all three, she wasn’t sure. After another half of a Richmond, she came to the conclusion that perhaps she had overreacted a little, both in her reaction to Lewis’s message, and in her reaction to that reaction. And by the time her second cigarette had burned out, she’d manage to assemble her thoughts into a rough kind of sensible order.
She realized that what had so intrigued and excited her about the unexpected message and about Lewis himself, was the attributes he shared with Jack - his high level of taste, his intelligence, even his profession! The two of them, at first glance, shared several similar qualities, and so how could Sienna not be impressed by this mysterious messenger? Jack would even probably approve of this man - after all, they were all adults, and Sienna’s almost hysterical overreaction hadn’t exactly been an adult way to approach the situation, she realized that now. She could practically hear Jack’s voice in her head, telling her to embrace this intellectual interaction, and all of a sudden, she once again found herself beginning to blush girlishly again, and started to feel positive about the whole, unforeseen situation. “Live for the moment.” She whispered with a smile, hoping that the gentle
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