Sean Griswold's Head by Lindsey Leavitt

“It’s a full moon tonight. Supposed to be clear skies. We could do a late-night ride.”
    Even with appropriate bike gear, riding at night is not always safe. Plus, there might be lunatics, real lunatics, waiting to jump out of the trees and abduct us. “Jac’s got theater stuff and I—”
    â€œSounds exciting.” Jac grins at Sean. At least the other boys at the table give her the same look of disgust. “Maybe you can bring some friends too. Do you have any friends who like to bike?”
    Sean bites into his sandwich. “Sure. I’ll bring them along. Maybe a quarter or so after nine. Sound good to you, Payton?”
    â€œI don’t know—”
    â€œHe’ll go easy on you this time, right, Sean? You sure worked her the other day. She’s been talking about it all weekend. All weekend.”
    Sean swallows and coughs. “Really? Didn’t you like it? If we go tonight, I’ll set an easier course.”
    Blood pumps into my face like air into a tire. Shut up, Jac. “The last course was fine . I rode it, didn’t I? Jac’s the one I’d be worried about. Shopping is her idea of exercise.”
    Jac laughs. “We’ll see you tonight then. And bring those friends in case we need someone to carry us home.”
    The bell rings and I wait until Sean is gone to pull Jac to the side. “What was that?”
    â€œWhat? The bike ride? You said it was fine.”
    â€œNot that. Your cantankerous attitude.”
    â€œCan’t-what-a-cus?”
    â€œRude. You were being rude.”
    Jac’s eyes are all innocence. “I was teasing you, schnookums. That’s what you do around boys. I wasn’t trying to be mean. And I thought it was cute when Sean looked all concerned about you.”
    Yeah, he did. But why is she the one pointing that out? I’m confused enough about my feelings right now, not just with Sean, but with life. I don’t like feeling rushed into stuff like this. I rub my left shoulder. Maybe a well-designed Focus Exercise would calm me down.
    When I don’t say anything, Jac sighs. “Look, I’m sorry. I was just doing what we talked about on Saturday. The wild and crazy have-some-fun plan I came up with, remember?”
    I roll my eyes.
    â€œAnd you know this will be awesome. I’ll meet you at the corner by your house at nine. Mom is out of town and my sister won’t care.”
    â€œMy parents would never go for it.”
    â€œHello? Then don’t tell them. Aren’t you supposed to be going through a rebellious phase right now?”
    I’m torn. If I don’t go, Jac will. And she might cause more damage. Plus, I did have fun with Sean the other day. An easier ride might give us more of a chance to talk. But my parents would rage if I snuck out. It’s one thing to not talk to them, it’s another to use their inability to disclose a family crisis as an excuse to practice inappropriate adolescent behavior.
    I shake my head. Wow. That reasoning sounded way too much like Ms. Callahan for me to listen to it. Jac’s right. I’ve never snuck out, never lied to my parents, never jumped off a cliff. What is holding me back? Maybe the best way to learn more about myself is to stop being … myself.
    Besides, if I get caught, what are they really going to do? Send me to a counselor? Ground me from spring break?
    â€œFine. We’ll go. And it might even be fun. But you better wear protective headgear.”
    Jac throws back her head and laughs. She’s still laughing when she leaves me at my locker.
    I don’t know what’s so funny. Bike safety is no laughing matter.

THIRTEEN
    I’m delicate with my parents at dinner. After Sunday, they are worried, and worried equals more attentive. I don’t want them deciding we need a late-night chat and then discovering I’ve disappeared. So I talk a little, smile a little, and claim my monthly visitor