yesterday, and on Friday we’ve got the church dinner. Some nice people have moved into the village over the last few months, which makes things like the dinner more interesting. The garden is looking beautiful too. I wish you could see it.’
‘I will. The children finish school this week and I was thinking of coming down shortly afterwards.’
‘How about Sunday? Or do you think Charlie will want a weekend at home after being away?’
The keenness in her voice made Harriet feel worse. Her mother was lonely: she needed them. On the other hand Sunday was too soon for Charlie, who would want to collapse on a chair in the garden, especially if this weather continued. The thought of piling the kids into a hot car and trying to stop them arguing on a long journey would be exactly what he didn’t need. Well, he’d just have to cope, wouldn’t he?
‘Sunday would be lovely, Mum. Can’t wait to see you. Lots of love.’
10
NICK
Nick watched Harriet leave the waiting room with her counsellor. He didn’t want her to go: she had been so easy to talk to, and Amber was on a completely different wavelength from him.
‘Nick,’ said Amber, walking in briskly. ‘I’m ready to see you now.’
He followed her into their usual room and sat down reluctantly.
‘Sorry I had to cancel yesterday,’ she said.
He waved his hand, dismissively.
‘Now, how have we been doing?’
‘We’? How patronising was that?
Amber looked down at the notes on her expansive lap; the lower half of her body was shrouded in a shapeless black cheesecloth skirt. ‘Last week we ended when you were telling me that your daughter disapproved of your girlfriend.’ She put down her pen and looked at him almost coquettishly. ‘How important is it to you, Nick, to have female company?’
God, this was embarrassing. ‘Well, I’m not some sex maniac, if that’s what you think.’
Her face remained impassive.
‘And for over a year I wasn’t ready for another relationship. But now I’m aware that I miss certain things. Not just the physical bit but the warm feeling that comes from talking to someone who knows what you’re going to say before you say it. Yet I can’t hurt Julie. I feel guilty enough as it is.’
‘Guilty?’ Amber frowned. ‘In the last session you also said that, in your view, you had helped to kill your wife.’ She glanced at her notes. ‘You hadn’t “physically killed her” but your “attitude precipitated her death”.’
God, thought Nick, appalled. Had she written all that down? Would it – could it? – ever be used against him? ‘Well, in a way, I did.’
‘Why do you think that?’
Nick sighed. ‘I’ve told you. Juliana took a break from modelling after our daughter was born. Said she was sick of it. Then she decided she wanted to go back. By then she’d been out of it for over six years. She was older and none of the agencies wanted to take her on. Then a new one said they’d consider her if she lost some weight. I told her that was stupid, that she was slim without being skinny, but she kept going on and on about it.’
Nick stopped. He put his hands over his eyes to shut out Amber so that he could pretend the world didn’t exist. Even now, he couldn’t believe he had been so crass, so thoughtless.
‘And what happened then?’
Amber’s voice had a quiet authority he hadn’t heard before. Nick lifted his head. ‘One evening, when she kept insisting she was too fat to go back to work, I snapped. I said – oh, God – “If you feel that way, do something about it instead of wearing us all down”.’
He rubbed his eyes, staring at Amber pleadingly, willing her face to soften. ‘She’d got on my nerves. Awful, isn’t it? But when someone talks about nothing else all the time, it finishes you off and, I don’t know, I was tired with work and tired when I got back.’
‘And then?’
What was this? Bloody Desert Island Discs ? ‘Then she stopped eating.’ He’d
‘I will. The children finish school this week and I was thinking of coming down shortly afterwards.’
‘How about Sunday? Or do you think Charlie will want a weekend at home after being away?’
The keenness in her voice made Harriet feel worse. Her mother was lonely: she needed them. On the other hand Sunday was too soon for Charlie, who would want to collapse on a chair in the garden, especially if this weather continued. The thought of piling the kids into a hot car and trying to stop them arguing on a long journey would be exactly what he didn’t need. Well, he’d just have to cope, wouldn’t he?
‘Sunday would be lovely, Mum. Can’t wait to see you. Lots of love.’
10
NICK
Nick watched Harriet leave the waiting room with her counsellor. He didn’t want her to go: she had been so easy to talk to, and Amber was on a completely different wavelength from him.
‘Nick,’ said Amber, walking in briskly. ‘I’m ready to see you now.’
He followed her into their usual room and sat down reluctantly.
‘Sorry I had to cancel yesterday,’ she said.
He waved his hand, dismissively.
‘Now, how have we been doing?’
‘We’? How patronising was that?
Amber looked down at the notes on her expansive lap; the lower half of her body was shrouded in a shapeless black cheesecloth skirt. ‘Last week we ended when you were telling me that your daughter disapproved of your girlfriend.’ She put down her pen and looked at him almost coquettishly. ‘How important is it to you, Nick, to have female company?’
God, this was embarrassing. ‘Well, I’m not some sex maniac, if that’s what you think.’
Her face remained impassive.
‘And for over a year I wasn’t ready for another relationship. But now I’m aware that I miss certain things. Not just the physical bit but the warm feeling that comes from talking to someone who knows what you’re going to say before you say it. Yet I can’t hurt Julie. I feel guilty enough as it is.’
‘Guilty?’ Amber frowned. ‘In the last session you also said that, in your view, you had helped to kill your wife.’ She glanced at her notes. ‘You hadn’t “physically killed her” but your “attitude precipitated her death”.’
God, thought Nick, appalled. Had she written all that down? Would it – could it? – ever be used against him? ‘Well, in a way, I did.’
‘Why do you think that?’
Nick sighed. ‘I’ve told you. Juliana took a break from modelling after our daughter was born. Said she was sick of it. Then she decided she wanted to go back. By then she’d been out of it for over six years. She was older and none of the agencies wanted to take her on. Then a new one said they’d consider her if she lost some weight. I told her that was stupid, that she was slim without being skinny, but she kept going on and on about it.’
Nick stopped. He put his hands over his eyes to shut out Amber so that he could pretend the world didn’t exist. Even now, he couldn’t believe he had been so crass, so thoughtless.
‘And what happened then?’
Amber’s voice had a quiet authority he hadn’t heard before. Nick lifted his head. ‘One evening, when she kept insisting she was too fat to go back to work, I snapped. I said – oh, God – “If you feel that way, do something about it instead of wearing us all down”.’
He rubbed his eyes, staring at Amber pleadingly, willing her face to soften. ‘She’d got on my nerves. Awful, isn’t it? But when someone talks about nothing else all the time, it finishes you off and, I don’t know, I was tired with work and tired when I got back.’
‘And then?’
What was this? Bloody Desert Island Discs ? ‘Then she stopped eating.’ He’d
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