Say What You Will by Cammie McGovern

YOU HAD YOUR CRUSH ON SARAH. I THINK THAT MEANS SOMETHING.”
    “Like what?”
    “LIKE MAYBE THE VOICE BLAMES YOU FOR NOT BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO ASK HER OUT BACK THEN. THIS IS ABOUT CONQUERING FEARS, RIGHT?”
    “I guess.”
    “DOES THE IDEA OF ASKING HER OUT MAKE YOU AFRAID?”
    “Yes.”
    “GOOD. THEN YOU SHOULD DO IT. IT WON’T BE A DATE. PRETEND YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME, SINCE THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON NOW. THAT SHOULD GET YOU THROUGH LUNCH, AT LEAST.”
    “You really want me to do that?”
    As she typed, she thought about the question. Did she really want him to do this? What if it went amazingly well and a few weeks from now he wrote her to say, Guess what? Sarah and I are going to see a movie tonight. Given that Sarah dated a twenty-three-year-old last year, it wasn’t likely, but it was possible. She might surprise everyone by looking at Matthew and seeing what Amy saw—his beautiful blue eyes, the way his smile made his whole face light up. Sarah might not care about his nonexistent social status, and think, Why not date a nice boy after all these jerks who never call? It could happen. The possibility scared Amy, but she also knew this: Matthew needed to prove something to himself.
    Up until now, they’d been working on irrational fears. Shyness around a girl wasn’t irrational. If he could do this, it would be big. “YES,” Amy typed. “I DO. I THINK IT WILL BE AN EXCELLENT EXERCISE.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
    O H, THE WHOLE EPISODE was excruciating. His heart thudded audibly; a bead of perspiration trickled down one side of his face. “Hey, Sarah, what’re you doing for lunch?” Matthew said, coming up behind her at a water fountain.
    “Today?” she said, standing, dripping water from her chin. “Right now?”
    “Not right now. It’s only ten fifteen. But we have the same lunch block, right? At least I think we do. Never mind. Maybe we don’t.”
    “I’ve got C .”
    “Me too.”
    “Well, I guess that’s the same, then, right?”
    “I guess it is.”
    “If you’d like to go out for lunch, we could. I don’t have a car or anything so I couldn’t drive us. We’d have to go to Taco Bell, which some people think is gross, I know.”
    “That’s okay. I like Taco Bell.” She looked around the hallway. “Sure, why not? Does anyone else want to come, or just us?”
    He panicked. He wasn’t prepared for this question, even though it was probably a normal one. How many times had he heard someone say, “We’re headed to the Bell. Anyone want to come?” Never to him, of course. But people said it.
    He couldn’t think how to respond. They weren’t part of any larger group. They shared no friends, unless she meant Amy. But Amy couldn’t come if they were going to talk about her. And Amy couldn’t swallow anything at Taco Bell, except maybe refried beans and a little rice. Instead of answering Sarah’s question, he let an awkward amount of time pass without speaking. Finally he said, “So . . . what? Should I meet you out front at eleven twenty?”
    Seniors were allowed to leave school for lunch on Fridays only. So far, Matthew hadn’t left for lunch once, but he knew most kids piled into cars and drove. Taco Bell was the only place in walking distance. It required taking a route past the field house and down an alley filled with trash Dumpsters. Matthew wondered if his brain would let him touch food after walking past so much trash. He wondered if Taco Bell sold any food he could eat with a fork. Would it be worse to eat his food holding it with a paper wrapper, or to wash his hands a few times before they sat down? What had Amy said the rules were? He couldn’t remember.
    One thing he knew for sure: this wouldn’t be like her other tasks, which all involved confronting private fears on his own. He knew this the minute they stepped into the restaurant. Crowded with seniors, the line to order food stretched about seven people long.
    “Maybe we should leave,” he said, his