especially all day long every day while I was at the office.
“Come on girlie, lets go,” Vivi said hurrying the two of us out the door. “I’m not sure exactly when I’ll be back, Misty. Arthur’s just outside at the Moonwinx down the hill on the side yard. He said he’s within earshot if you need him.”
“Okay, y’all, don’t worry ‘bout a thing. We got this,” Misty promised. Dax never spoke. I wasn’t sure he could.
Vivi and I jumped into my black BMW armed with our food supply and headed out to River Pines, the infamous trailer park. Myra Jean the psychic lived there. I knew she had never seen my car so I wasn’t worried she’d spot us. But I did begin to wonder if she had heard of any of the goings-on at this brothel.
We parked under a tree down near the river to set up watch over the cathouse. It was only ten o’clock in the morning. This was gonna be a long day. It was in the high forties but I was hot, having a hormonal tornado in my body. I took off my coat and gloves as Vivi and I sank down into our seats to be outta sight. Time crawled by. I drank an entire bottle of water and ate a whole bag of Doritos.
“I need to pee,” I announced. Yep, I knew it would happen, but somehow when we made this little plan I wasn’t thinking—I mean eight months pregnant, a water bottle and sitting in a car all afternoon might be kind of a bad plan.
“Well, we can’t go in now , Vivi explained. “It’ll blow our cover.”
“What do you propose I do, then? I can’t sit here in this condition.”
“I know what,” Vivi said with genuine excitement. “Why don’t you go in this?” She then pulled out a Big Slurpee cup, a 32 ouncer from the floorboard.
“Are you kiddin’ me? Do you recall that I am nearly at birth size for this baby? How in the world do you propose I position myself go in that little cup under my ass? In a car?”
“I know,” she chided. “Get under here, no one will see you.” Vivi reached over and grabbed a red fleece blanket I had folded in the backseat.
“Oh, so no one will notice a huge mound under a bright red blanket in the drivers seat of this car?”
“Well, you can’t get out,” she reasoned. It’s broad daylight and there’s only one tree out there. You’ll be seen for sure. And you can’t go inside the brothel. It’s too early. They’ll wonder why the pregnant lady is back sellin’ cupcakes after just bein’ there to pee. It will blow this whole plan. You sure don’t wanna run over to Myra Jean’s; she’ll try doing a reading on the new baby. Look, I’ll hold the blanket over you and when you’re done you can just pour it right out the door. It’s the only thing we can do for now.”
“Ugh! How do I get into these situations?” I ranted. “Fine! Just hold the blanket.” I gave in because if I didn’t Vivi and I would be floating out of the car any minute. I pushed the automatic button and slid the camel leather seat backwards until it could go no further. I scooched to the back of my seat and pulled my legs up underneath me, attempting a squat with the big plastic cup between my legs. I unfortunately had on pants but they were the stretchy pregnancy pants. However, they were no easier to slide down than jeans for a lady with child. Plus, it was pitch dark under the blanket so I couldn’t really tell what I was hitting when I put the cup in place. Not that I could see my crotch over my eight-month baby belly anyway. I prayed I was hitting the flimsy cup. Then,
“Oh No!” Vivi shouted. “Shit!”
Okay that is not what you wanna hear when your ass is hovering over a plastic cup mid-pee in the pitch dark while your pregnant.
“What? What?” I shrieked in desperation from under the blanket.
“It’s Miss Myra—she sees us.”
“How do ya know?”
Hide quick! Slide down in the floor! She’s waving her hand wildly as she drives over here.” Vivi was frantic.
“No! No! No-- I’m not done. No! This is the embarrassment of my
“Come on girlie, lets go,” Vivi said hurrying the two of us out the door. “I’m not sure exactly when I’ll be back, Misty. Arthur’s just outside at the Moonwinx down the hill on the side yard. He said he’s within earshot if you need him.”
“Okay, y’all, don’t worry ‘bout a thing. We got this,” Misty promised. Dax never spoke. I wasn’t sure he could.
Vivi and I jumped into my black BMW armed with our food supply and headed out to River Pines, the infamous trailer park. Myra Jean the psychic lived there. I knew she had never seen my car so I wasn’t worried she’d spot us. But I did begin to wonder if she had heard of any of the goings-on at this brothel.
We parked under a tree down near the river to set up watch over the cathouse. It was only ten o’clock in the morning. This was gonna be a long day. It was in the high forties but I was hot, having a hormonal tornado in my body. I took off my coat and gloves as Vivi and I sank down into our seats to be outta sight. Time crawled by. I drank an entire bottle of water and ate a whole bag of Doritos.
“I need to pee,” I announced. Yep, I knew it would happen, but somehow when we made this little plan I wasn’t thinking—I mean eight months pregnant, a water bottle and sitting in a car all afternoon might be kind of a bad plan.
“Well, we can’t go in now , Vivi explained. “It’ll blow our cover.”
“What do you propose I do, then? I can’t sit here in this condition.”
“I know what,” Vivi said with genuine excitement. “Why don’t you go in this?” She then pulled out a Big Slurpee cup, a 32 ouncer from the floorboard.
“Are you kiddin’ me? Do you recall that I am nearly at birth size for this baby? How in the world do you propose I position myself go in that little cup under my ass? In a car?”
“I know,” she chided. “Get under here, no one will see you.” Vivi reached over and grabbed a red fleece blanket I had folded in the backseat.
“Oh, so no one will notice a huge mound under a bright red blanket in the drivers seat of this car?”
“Well, you can’t get out,” she reasoned. It’s broad daylight and there’s only one tree out there. You’ll be seen for sure. And you can’t go inside the brothel. It’s too early. They’ll wonder why the pregnant lady is back sellin’ cupcakes after just bein’ there to pee. It will blow this whole plan. You sure don’t wanna run over to Myra Jean’s; she’ll try doing a reading on the new baby. Look, I’ll hold the blanket over you and when you’re done you can just pour it right out the door. It’s the only thing we can do for now.”
“Ugh! How do I get into these situations?” I ranted. “Fine! Just hold the blanket.” I gave in because if I didn’t Vivi and I would be floating out of the car any minute. I pushed the automatic button and slid the camel leather seat backwards until it could go no further. I scooched to the back of my seat and pulled my legs up underneath me, attempting a squat with the big plastic cup between my legs. I unfortunately had on pants but they were the stretchy pregnancy pants. However, they were no easier to slide down than jeans for a lady with child. Plus, it was pitch dark under the blanket so I couldn’t really tell what I was hitting when I put the cup in place. Not that I could see my crotch over my eight-month baby belly anyway. I prayed I was hitting the flimsy cup. Then,
“Oh No!” Vivi shouted. “Shit!”
Okay that is not what you wanna hear when your ass is hovering over a plastic cup mid-pee in the pitch dark while your pregnant.
“What? What?” I shrieked in desperation from under the blanket.
“It’s Miss Myra—she sees us.”
“How do ya know?”
Hide quick! Slide down in the floor! She’s waving her hand wildly as she drives over here.” Vivi was frantic.
“No! No! No-- I’m not done. No! This is the embarrassment of my
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