Saved By The Belles by Beth Albright Page A

life!”
    “Said the woman who was pregnant by another man while still married to our senator,” Vivi snarked.
    “Ha ha, this is no time for reminders. Please-- you gotta get rid of her.”
    “Okay,” Vivi agreed, “ but how do I explain this huge red blob in the front seat?”
    “I don’t know. Get out and greet her while I finish up,” I urged. “Keep her from getting close to the car.”
    “Okay but I have no idea what I’m gonna say when she asks what’s that huge red blanket covering—I’ll just tell her to guess—she’s the psychic.”
    I heard the door open and slam shut. In faint voices I could barely make out the muffled sounds of Vivi. “Hey Miss Myra, How’re yew doin’?
    “Hey there Miss Vivi,” Myra chirped, “What in the world are you doing sittin’ out here?”
    “Oh, it was a lovely day so I brought me a picnic out here to the river,” Vivi shot.
    Good thinking Vivi, keep her occupied , I thought.
    “All the way out here? I mean the trailer park is okay but wouldn’t the Riverwalk have been better?” Myra was gonna be trouble.
    “Good Lord have mercy, what the hell did you bring to your little outing? That is one massive picnic basket, I’ll say. You must be really hungry or expecting an army.”
    I knew she spotted me under the red cover. I could hear her voice getting louder. Oh, no! She was approaching the car. Oh Lord. I was finished with my business but now I was trapped under the red fleece throw squatting while holding 32 ounces of piss. I just knew I was gonna wake up any minute. This had to be a nightmare.
    I was still in my car seat squatting as Myra Jean opened the door to check out the oversized picnic basket that Vivi had supposedly brought to the river with her for her humungous picnic.
    “Oh my goodness, this thing is huge,” she boomed. I felt her hand grasp the coverlet at my shoulder and give it a yank. Then she yanked it again.
    “How the hell do you have this thing tied up?” She pushed.
    “No! I have it tied really secure so it wouldn’t spill.” Vivi kept explaining.
    “Well, my God, this is some talented basket,” she snipped.
    “How do you mean?” Vivi questioned.
    “Well, obviously it can drive. You have it tied down here in the driver’s seat—behind the wheel.”
    I didn’t hear anything else from Vivi.
    One more huge yank from Myra and I began to teeter and lose my balance-- and my grip on my big warm cup. She gave one last heave and yanked the blanket off me like she was a magician and I was one big surprise, Voila—now here’s me squatting on my car seat with my pants down, ass exposed with a big plastic Slurpee cup holding my pee.
    “Lord have mercy! Blake! What the hell are you doin?” She yelled as I fell sideways and my pee then spilled over and out onto the cold ground outside, splashing her winter boots. Her velvet winter boots. The steam began to rise from the cold dirt.
    “What the hell is that?” She bellowed.
    “Well, Miss Myra, I was trying to have a moment of privacy.”
    She jumped backwards.
    “You’re not tellin’ me this is…”
    “Yep-- I sure am. I’m so sorry! I am so embarrassed. Let me help you,” I said trying to un-squat and step out of my car pants still down. All my femininity just flew out the door right along with my …
    “I’m so sorry.” I said it again, this time sounding like I was pleading.
    “What the hell are y’all up to—and don’t tell me it’s a damn cookout or whatever you said, Miss Vivi.”
    I cut my eyes to Vivi and shook my head. Miss Myra had built a reputation as a psychic in Tuscaloosa and she really believed in her talent. She would want to jump in to help solve the mission at hand. I took over.
    “Oh, Vivi and I just wanted an out of the way place to chat where no one would bother us. With this baby fixin’ to come we just wanted some time to reminisce. So we came out here. Really that’s all.” I smiled trying to be convincing, but I felt a tad nauseous. We