absolutely nothing to deserve it, but that’s the truth.” Riley looked down at Ethan’s chest, where he couldn’t quite make out the tattoo through the thin white of Ethan’s shirt. He touched his fingers there. “And that number three on your chest? What you told me it meant? That’s what I’m jealous of. That’s what I never had growing up.”
Ethan’s eyes flashed hot again. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need your charity.”
“It wasn’t charity, for fuck’s sake,” Riley snapped, beginning to lose his temper. “And yeah. I should have said something, but I’d already paid the rent for the year. And besides, I knew you’d act like this. You didn’t even want me to get you a cheeseburger. All I want is for you to be able to see your family. Mine don’t even know what city I live in. I haven’t seen my parents or my sister in three years, and I can’t even tell you the last time I talked to my older brother.”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you had money growing up?” Ethan gave a harsh laugh. “Because I don’t.”
Riley’s eyes narrowed and his breath caught as he lost his temper. “You don’t know anything—anything—about what it was like growing up in my house. And I’m pretty sure if you could choose, you’d go for having your family and your bank account, instead of mine.”
Ethan looked like he was going to say something, but Riley clapped a hand over Ethan’s mouth and kept talking. All the things he kept bottled up bubbled and spilled over.
“I was trying to do something nice. And okay. I admit it. I fucked up. But I wasn’t trying to get laid, and I wasn’t trying to make you a charity case.” Riley leaned closer, his breathing harsh. “And what the fuck are you afraid of? Huh? Your family won’t think you can take care of them anymore if you let someone help you?”
“What the fuck .” Ethan tried to kick him. “I’m serious. Get your hands off me before I put you in the goddamn hospital.”
He was right. Riley knew it. He also knew Ethan wouldn’t really hurt him. “Just tell me who it’s really helping, Ethan, not to let me do one simple thing for you. Them? Or you?”
“You need to let me go. Seriously. I don’t—” Ethan stared at him, his eyes wide and his hands fisted in Riley’s shirt. “I don’t need you to do anything. I don’t need you to take care of me. Fuck you.”
“But what if I want to,” Riley shouted, his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. He actually shook him, he was so frustrated.
Ethan reacted like Riley had whacked him in the head with his goalie stick. “Too bad. I won’t let you.”
“Why not?” Riley forced him back against the wall again.
Ethan’s voice went flat, and the fire in his eyes dimmed. “Because the last person who was supposed to take care of us left, Riley. And he let us all down. And I won’t let anyone do that again.”
“Why does it mean you can’t take care of them if someone takes care of you ?”
“Because no one wants to do that,” Ethan yelled, and it took Riley by surprise.
“I keep telling you that I do.” Riley tried to find that calm center that was so much a part of him, the place he went to on the ice where no one could touch him. But he couldn’t manage it. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he had to fight if he really wanted something. Wanted Ethan.
“Why?” Ethan’s hands went to Riley’s chest, and he pushed him back enough so he could look Riley in the eye. “Why the fuck would you want to do that?”
Ethan sounded so honestly surprised by that, it made Riley want to kiss him. “I just do. Okay?”
“No way. Not good enough. If you want to take care of me, then that means this isn’t just about sex. It’s about feelings.” Ethan hit his head against the wall again. “Do you understand how hard it is for me to trust you?”
Riley nodded. “Yeah. I do.” He pulled Ethan closer and kissed him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It
Ethan’s eyes flashed hot again. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need your charity.”
“It wasn’t charity, for fuck’s sake,” Riley snapped, beginning to lose his temper. “And yeah. I should have said something, but I’d already paid the rent for the year. And besides, I knew you’d act like this. You didn’t even want me to get you a cheeseburger. All I want is for you to be able to see your family. Mine don’t even know what city I live in. I haven’t seen my parents or my sister in three years, and I can’t even tell you the last time I talked to my older brother.”
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you had money growing up?” Ethan gave a harsh laugh. “Because I don’t.”
Riley’s eyes narrowed and his breath caught as he lost his temper. “You don’t know anything—anything—about what it was like growing up in my house. And I’m pretty sure if you could choose, you’d go for having your family and your bank account, instead of mine.”
Ethan looked like he was going to say something, but Riley clapped a hand over Ethan’s mouth and kept talking. All the things he kept bottled up bubbled and spilled over.
“I was trying to do something nice. And okay. I admit it. I fucked up. But I wasn’t trying to get laid, and I wasn’t trying to make you a charity case.” Riley leaned closer, his breathing harsh. “And what the fuck are you afraid of? Huh? Your family won’t think you can take care of them anymore if you let someone help you?”
“What the fuck .” Ethan tried to kick him. “I’m serious. Get your hands off me before I put you in the goddamn hospital.”
He was right. Riley knew it. He also knew Ethan wouldn’t really hurt him. “Just tell me who it’s really helping, Ethan, not to let me do one simple thing for you. Them? Or you?”
“You need to let me go. Seriously. I don’t—” Ethan stared at him, his eyes wide and his hands fisted in Riley’s shirt. “I don’t need you to do anything. I don’t need you to take care of me. Fuck you.”
“But what if I want to,” Riley shouted, his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. He actually shook him, he was so frustrated.
Ethan reacted like Riley had whacked him in the head with his goalie stick. “Too bad. I won’t let you.”
“Why not?” Riley forced him back against the wall again.
Ethan’s voice went flat, and the fire in his eyes dimmed. “Because the last person who was supposed to take care of us left, Riley. And he let us all down. And I won’t let anyone do that again.”
“Why does it mean you can’t take care of them if someone takes care of you ?”
“Because no one wants to do that,” Ethan yelled, and it took Riley by surprise.
“I keep telling you that I do.” Riley tried to find that calm center that was so much a part of him, the place he went to on the ice where no one could touch him. But he couldn’t manage it. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he had to fight if he really wanted something. Wanted Ethan.
“Why?” Ethan’s hands went to Riley’s chest, and he pushed him back enough so he could look Riley in the eye. “Why the fuck would you want to do that?”
Ethan sounded so honestly surprised by that, it made Riley want to kiss him. “I just do. Okay?”
“No way. Not good enough. If you want to take care of me, then that means this isn’t just about sex. It’s about feelings.” Ethan hit his head against the wall again. “Do you understand how hard it is for me to trust you?”
Riley nodded. “Yeah. I do.” He pulled Ethan closer and kissed him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It
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