Saint by Ted Dekker Page A

fair skin and hated me because I wouldn’t do what he wanted. I escaped into the desert when I was fifteen and ended up in Hungary, where I met Agotha. I studied under her, you know.”
    Another long stretch of comfortable silence filled the tunnel.
    â€œYou’re scheduled to go on your first mission in two weeks if you succeed in your training,” Kelly said.
    â€œI will succeed.”
    She didn’t immediately agree, and he wondered why.
    â€œI’ve always succeeded.”
    â€œThe final test will be very difficult. If you fail, Kalman will kill you, assuming the challenge hasn’t killed you already. Kalman doesn’t want anyone to succeed—it’s his way of making sure only the best enter the field.”
    She tightened her grip on his hand. “But I want you to succeed.”
    â€œI always succeed,” he said again.
    â€œIf you do, you’ll be leaving this place.”
    â€œBut with you. And then we’ll return.”
    â€œYes, with me. Always with me.”
    â€œWill I always be in training?”
    â€œIs there any other way to stay sharp?”
    â€œDo you enjoy hurting me?” he asked.
    Carl had no clue where the question had come from. He was talking without really thinking. Half of his mind was still in the darkness, focused on the current objective, listening for any sound of approach. The other half was asking this odd question.
    She wasn’t answering him.
    â€œI know that your hurting me leads to strength,” he said, ashamed that he’d asked. “You’re helping me be strong. I’m thankful for that.”
    Kelly removed her hand from his. He’d hurt her feelings! She was upset with him. He wanted to shut his emotions down now, but he wondered if he really should. There was a strange life in this terrible empathy that had suddenly overtaken him. He wanted to comfort her heart. He was her protector, every part of her, which meant he could only protect her emotions with his own.
    It was the first time he’d thought of his role this way. But he felt powerless to do anything, so he just sat in the darkness and let himself feel uncomfortable.
    Kelly started to cry. The sound was very soft, a sniffing followed by a nearly silent sob.
    Carl reached his hand into the darkness. When he found her, he realized that she’d rolled over to her side and had curled up in a ball. She lay on the tunnel’s dirt floor, sobbing softly.
    But why? Didn’t she know that he loved her? Maybe she didn’t.
    Carl rested his hand on her hip, frozen by awkwardness. He couldn’t remember her ever being so hurt. It reminded him of a time, long ago, when he lay sobbing on his cell floor, overcome by his training. They’d cut him and inserted needles into him and placed electrodes on different parts of his body and forced him to look into light for long hours and then left him alone in his pit for two days. These things had made him want to die, and he cried like Kelly was crying now.
    It made him want to cry again.
    Carl laid his head on her hip. Before he could stop himself, he was crying with her. He didn’t know why.
    She cried harder then, which made him feel an even deeper sorrow. A flood of anguish gushed from the darkest place of his soul, and he couldn’t stop himself. He began to shake with sobs.
    It must have lasted for a full five minutes. Strange and terrifying minutes.
    Kelly sat up and wrapped her arms around him. She cried into his neck. “I’m sorry, Carl. I don’t want to hurt you. I hate myself for hurting you. I just . . .” Her voice was choked off by sobs.
    Carl sat back against the tunnel wall like an emptying sandbag, still unable to stop the flow of unidentified grief. He loved Kelly. He loved her so very much. The pain she was feeling was his fault. How could he have done this to the only person who cared about him?
    They held each other for a very long time until their crying