living this out as husband and wife, we have found that God is more than able. And we have discovered the truth of Ephesians 3:20 – 21: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
I challenge you: if you really want to move your man, begin by praying this prayer: “Lord, how can I help my husband today?”
Tired Helpers
“Hannah” works full-time while raising a preschooler and feels guilty about the waning romance in her marriage: “I wake up at six o’clock, get my daughter ready, get myself to work, put in eight or nine hours, come home, spend time with my child, try to get us all something to eat, put the child to bed — and there’s just not much energy left for physical intimacy.”
Such weariness is legitimate. It’s cruel to make wives feel guilty for not measuring up when their schedules literally overflow. The last thing I want to do when talking about helping husbands is to lecture working wives that they’re not doing enough. I’m a realist, and real life involves compromises. A husband whose wife works outside the home has to realize that other elements within the home will give way. If you’re raising small children and working full-time (or even thirty hours a week), this is, in fact, essentially how you’re helping your husband in this season of your life.
If the situation exists because of the husband’s inability or unwillingness to earn enough for the woman to stay home, he has to bear some responsibility for this and cut his wife some slack. In many cases, the issue isn’t the reasons the wife feels too tired to have sex; it’s the priorities and lifestyle choices that have led to the wife’s weariness.
But occasional sacrifices can still speak volumes. Since I work full-time, let me use myself as an example. I face the same struggles you do — trying to faithfully love my spouse while working well over forty hours a week. One morning, I awoke and uttered a prayer that in “Sacred Marriage” seminars I encourage other couples to use: “Lord, how do I love my wife today like she’s never been loved and never will be loved?”
It didn’t take long to become convinced that I needed to take my daughter to a physical therapy session that afternoon. Normally, my wife carried out this four-hour task; but the more I sat and listened to God, the more I became persuaded he wanted me to do this — even though it would blow a hole in my work schedule.
When I mentioned my plans to Lisa, she responded with a tepid “OK, whatever.”
Frankly, I expected something a little heartier, such as, “You know, I could search the world over and not find such a generous, loving man as you, one who is willing to give up his own work time so that I can have an afternoon off!” No such luck. But since I had already made the commitment, I was stuck.
As the morning wore on, Lisa began feeling ill; she actually took a nap right after lunch, something she almost never does. Then her sister called, informing us that she intended to visit. We had just moved into our house, and none of Lisa’s siblings had seen it — so Lisa went on a tear to get the house ready for the next day.
When I prayed about loving Lisa, and God answered with a very practical suggestion, neither Lisa nor I knew she was going to feel ill — but God did. Neither Lisa nor I knew her sister would call to ask if she could pay an unexpected, last-minute visit — but God did. And he wanted to love my wife through me by removing a major time commitment from her day — at my expense.
On another occasion, I prayed that same prayer and sensed strongly that I needed to let Lisa sleep in while I got the kids up and made sure they ate breakfast and left for school, lunch bags in hand. At this direction, panic rose in my heart — I was due to
I challenge you: if you really want to move your man, begin by praying this prayer: “Lord, how can I help my husband today?”
Tired Helpers
“Hannah” works full-time while raising a preschooler and feels guilty about the waning romance in her marriage: “I wake up at six o’clock, get my daughter ready, get myself to work, put in eight or nine hours, come home, spend time with my child, try to get us all something to eat, put the child to bed — and there’s just not much energy left for physical intimacy.”
Such weariness is legitimate. It’s cruel to make wives feel guilty for not measuring up when their schedules literally overflow. The last thing I want to do when talking about helping husbands is to lecture working wives that they’re not doing enough. I’m a realist, and real life involves compromises. A husband whose wife works outside the home has to realize that other elements within the home will give way. If you’re raising small children and working full-time (or even thirty hours a week), this is, in fact, essentially how you’re helping your husband in this season of your life.
If the situation exists because of the husband’s inability or unwillingness to earn enough for the woman to stay home, he has to bear some responsibility for this and cut his wife some slack. In many cases, the issue isn’t the reasons the wife feels too tired to have sex; it’s the priorities and lifestyle choices that have led to the wife’s weariness.
But occasional sacrifices can still speak volumes. Since I work full-time, let me use myself as an example. I face the same struggles you do — trying to faithfully love my spouse while working well over forty hours a week. One morning, I awoke and uttered a prayer that in “Sacred Marriage” seminars I encourage other couples to use: “Lord, how do I love my wife today like she’s never been loved and never will be loved?”
It didn’t take long to become convinced that I needed to take my daughter to a physical therapy session that afternoon. Normally, my wife carried out this four-hour task; but the more I sat and listened to God, the more I became persuaded he wanted me to do this — even though it would blow a hole in my work schedule.
When I mentioned my plans to Lisa, she responded with a tepid “OK, whatever.”
Frankly, I expected something a little heartier, such as, “You know, I could search the world over and not find such a generous, loving man as you, one who is willing to give up his own work time so that I can have an afternoon off!” No such luck. But since I had already made the commitment, I was stuck.
As the morning wore on, Lisa began feeling ill; she actually took a nap right after lunch, something she almost never does. Then her sister called, informing us that she intended to visit. We had just moved into our house, and none of Lisa’s siblings had seen it — so Lisa went on a tear to get the house ready for the next day.
When I prayed about loving Lisa, and God answered with a very practical suggestion, neither Lisa nor I knew she was going to feel ill — but God did. Neither Lisa nor I knew her sister would call to ask if she could pay an unexpected, last-minute visit — but God did. And he wanted to love my wife through me by removing a major time commitment from her day — at my expense.
On another occasion, I prayed that same prayer and sensed strongly that I needed to let Lisa sleep in while I got the kids up and made sure they ate breakfast and left for school, lunch bags in hand. At this direction, panic rose in my heart — I was due to
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