borrow his vehicle—like I’m asking permission to be out.
“No, we’re just chillin’ here. Charlotte wants to go out with her telescope tonight.” She’s in school for astronomy.
“So you’re cool if I keep it a while longer?” It’s weird as hell talking to him when he’s knows I’m with Alec. When Nate found out about us, it was only a couple months before I broke things off with him. Nate and Charlie were heading back to Virginia from New York so even though he knows everything, there’s only been a few times when Alec and I have been together with Nate in the know—the night he first found out about us and Mom went into early labor with Joshua, when Alec came after my heart surgery, and now.
“Keep it as long as you want!” Charlie yells, obviously right next to Nate and listening in.
I roll my eyes. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Charlie replies.
Laughing, I say, “You wanna put her on the phone or what, man?”
“She’s already texting Alec.”
“It’s not . . . we’re not . . .” Excuses automatically start trying to fall out of my mouth but I fight to hold them back.
This is my brother. He knows. It’s okay.
And hell, it feels good for someone to know. To be able to say I’m staying with Alec the way I’ve always envied Nate can do with Charlie.
But Charlie is his . . . Alec isn’t mine.
Tired of overthinking things, I push all my thoughts aside. This is Nate. “We went for a jog and now we’re going to grill some burgers or something. It’s not what you think. I mean, we’re friends. I have training in August.”
My brother pauses and I automatically wonder if I grossed him out. If he doesn’t want me to talk to him about Alec at all.
“That’s six weeks away, bro. Every summer Charlie and I knew we’d have to say good-bye but that didn’t stop us from taking advantage of the time we had. You . . . you deserve a little bit of happiness. You both do.”
I don’t know what makes me do it—how I find the words. Maybe I’m tired of holding it all in or maybe it’s what Nate said or all the things Alec and I have talked about. I lean against Alec’s kitchen table and speak. “I want to be happy. I just . . . I want to just
be
. That probably doesn’t make any fucking sense but . . . I want to be normal.” A deep breath leaves my lungs. “With him.”
“Then do it. Whatever you have to do or however you have to do it. Fucking find a way. You know we’ll always be there for you, no matter what. Mom and Dad will too.”
A click sounds from down the hallway, before Alec rounds the corner out of the bathroom. He shakes his head and I watch as his blond hair flies up before settling messily on his head. He’s wearing a pair of red basketball shorts, still without a shirt.
And he is so fucking gorgeous.
“I want him happy too . . .” I whisper. “I gotta go. I’ll see you soon.” Before Nate replies, I click end on the call.
“There’s towels in the cabinet by the sink. Sometimes the nob sticks but—” Alec stops dead, studying me—dissecting me as though he sees the thoughts in my mind as I form them. “What?”
My whole body is hyped up like someone injected adrenaline into me. I want nothing more than to push him against the wall. To take his mouth and whatever else he would give me, so at least once, he could fully be mine.
But that’s always what I do when it comes to him, isn’t it? I broke up with him because it was better for me. Hurting him isn’t an option again.
“Nothing.” I step away from the table. “Talked to Nate. You know how he can be.”
“Yeah. I used to dream about kicking his ass every summer. I might not have really been in love with Charlie like everyone thought, but I didn’t think he was good for her either.”
He steps around me, no clue that I really don’t want to talk about Charlie, Nate, or anyone else. I just want him.
“Like I said, sometimes the faucet sticks on the shower. Pull
“No, we’re just chillin’ here. Charlotte wants to go out with her telescope tonight.” She’s in school for astronomy.
“So you’re cool if I keep it a while longer?” It’s weird as hell talking to him when he’s knows I’m with Alec. When Nate found out about us, it was only a couple months before I broke things off with him. Nate and Charlie were heading back to Virginia from New York so even though he knows everything, there’s only been a few times when Alec and I have been together with Nate in the know—the night he first found out about us and Mom went into early labor with Joshua, when Alec came after my heart surgery, and now.
“Keep it as long as you want!” Charlie yells, obviously right next to Nate and listening in.
I roll my eyes. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Charlie replies.
Laughing, I say, “You wanna put her on the phone or what, man?”
“She’s already texting Alec.”
“It’s not . . . we’re not . . .” Excuses automatically start trying to fall out of my mouth but I fight to hold them back.
This is my brother. He knows. It’s okay.
And hell, it feels good for someone to know. To be able to say I’m staying with Alec the way I’ve always envied Nate can do with Charlie.
But Charlie is his . . . Alec isn’t mine.
Tired of overthinking things, I push all my thoughts aside. This is Nate. “We went for a jog and now we’re going to grill some burgers or something. It’s not what you think. I mean, we’re friends. I have training in August.”
My brother pauses and I automatically wonder if I grossed him out. If he doesn’t want me to talk to him about Alec at all.
“That’s six weeks away, bro. Every summer Charlie and I knew we’d have to say good-bye but that didn’t stop us from taking advantage of the time we had. You . . . you deserve a little bit of happiness. You both do.”
I don’t know what makes me do it—how I find the words. Maybe I’m tired of holding it all in or maybe it’s what Nate said or all the things Alec and I have talked about. I lean against Alec’s kitchen table and speak. “I want to be happy. I just . . . I want to just
be
. That probably doesn’t make any fucking sense but . . . I want to be normal.” A deep breath leaves my lungs. “With him.”
“Then do it. Whatever you have to do or however you have to do it. Fucking find a way. You know we’ll always be there for you, no matter what. Mom and Dad will too.”
A click sounds from down the hallway, before Alec rounds the corner out of the bathroom. He shakes his head and I watch as his blond hair flies up before settling messily on his head. He’s wearing a pair of red basketball shorts, still without a shirt.
And he is so fucking gorgeous.
“I want him happy too . . .” I whisper. “I gotta go. I’ll see you soon.” Before Nate replies, I click end on the call.
“There’s towels in the cabinet by the sink. Sometimes the nob sticks but—” Alec stops dead, studying me—dissecting me as though he sees the thoughts in my mind as I form them. “What?”
My whole body is hyped up like someone injected adrenaline into me. I want nothing more than to push him against the wall. To take his mouth and whatever else he would give me, so at least once, he could fully be mine.
But that’s always what I do when it comes to him, isn’t it? I broke up with him because it was better for me. Hurting him isn’t an option again.
“Nothing.” I step away from the table. “Talked to Nate. You know how he can be.”
“Yeah. I used to dream about kicking his ass every summer. I might not have really been in love with Charlie like everyone thought, but I didn’t think he was good for her either.”
He steps around me, no clue that I really don’t want to talk about Charlie, Nate, or anyone else. I just want him.
“Like I said, sometimes the faucet sticks on the shower. Pull
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