through Sienna, dead to the world and emotionless as she spoke. “Undeserving. Responsible. Guilty.” There was a heavy silence in the room before Cassie continued. “Failure.” Her eyes darted to mine very briefly before finding sanctuary in Sienna's. “Like, if I had wanted this baby from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened.”
Shock hit me from every angle as I learned her true feelings, and I turned to her, aghast by this revelation. I opened my mouth to speak, only to have Sienna interject. “Jack, Cassie is allowed to express how she feels.”
“I know that, but she shouldn't feel that way. This wasn't her fault,” I said quietly, my eyes never leaving Cassie as her gaze fell to the cuff of her sweater so she could tug at an imaginary thread.
Sienna offered me a sympathetic smile before returning her focus to Cassie. “How have you been sleeping, Cassie?”
“I don't. Sleep, I mean. Every time I close my eyes…” She took a deep breath. “I just can't.”
“Are you eating anything?” Sienna knew she wasn't; I had discussed all of this with her earlier.
“I'm not hungry,” Cassie responded with no emotion.
Sienna sat back in her seat for a moment, waiting for one of us to say something. Minutes ticked by on the mantle clock before she spoke again. “Well, I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills. And also an anti-depress—”
“No!” Cassie shouted, jumping to her feet. She crossed her arms around herself protectively as she looked at Sienna with an anger I had never before seen. “I lost a baby less than a week ago! I'm allowed to grieve!”
Sienna held her hands out in front of her in surrender. “I know that, Cassie. I'm not saying you have to take them now. But, in my experience, someone with your medical history and who has gone through the level of post-partum depression you did a couple of years ago has a chance for relapse in the wake of another trauma,” she said calmly.
“I won't be medicated again,” Cassie stated firmly.
“I understand. You have every right to feel what you feel,” Sienna said. “I'll leave the prescription with you. Keep it…just in case, okay?”
Cassie shook her head in frustration. “Whatever. I'm going to bed.”
Once Cassie left the room, I leaned forward and rested my arms on my knees, looking up at Sienna. “It's not good, is it?”
With a slight head shake and smile, she answered, “Jack, her pain…and your pain…is still so fresh. It's hard to say what's going to happen. Her reaction is expected. You're a psychiatrist, you know this…hell, you've dealt with it.” She leaned forward and locked eyes with me. “Now, how are you feeling?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Are you seriously trying to evaluate me?”
“Jack.” Her tone was serious with an air of threat behind it.
I exhaled loudly as I flopped back into the couch. “I feel…” I took a minute so I could try and put into words what I was feeling. “Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Maybe if I hadn't been so damn happy about this pregnancy and forced Cassie to accept it, then she wouldn't be hurting right now.”
“Do you really feel as though you forced her acceptance?”
With an exasperated groan, I looked at Sienna. “You're far too good at this, you know that?” She smirked, and I rolled my eyes. “I guess I didn't really force her acceptance, but that's how it feels. It feels like once she's done grieving her loss—”
“Your loss, too, Jack,” she corrected.
“Obviously that goes without saying,” I said snarkily. “Anyway, it feels like once she's done grieving, she'll resent me and begin to pull away,” I admitted.
“Cassie loves you, Jack. You both just need some time.” Sienna's eyes drifted to her watch. “I have to get going, but if either of you need anything, you just let me know. I'll leave the prescriptions with you, all right?”
We stood, and Sienna handed me the papers before I walked her to the door. Before walking through the
Shock hit me from every angle as I learned her true feelings, and I turned to her, aghast by this revelation. I opened my mouth to speak, only to have Sienna interject. “Jack, Cassie is allowed to express how she feels.”
“I know that, but she shouldn't feel that way. This wasn't her fault,” I said quietly, my eyes never leaving Cassie as her gaze fell to the cuff of her sweater so she could tug at an imaginary thread.
Sienna offered me a sympathetic smile before returning her focus to Cassie. “How have you been sleeping, Cassie?”
“I don't. Sleep, I mean. Every time I close my eyes…” She took a deep breath. “I just can't.”
“Are you eating anything?” Sienna knew she wasn't; I had discussed all of this with her earlier.
“I'm not hungry,” Cassie responded with no emotion.
Sienna sat back in her seat for a moment, waiting for one of us to say something. Minutes ticked by on the mantle clock before she spoke again. “Well, I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills. And also an anti-depress—”
“No!” Cassie shouted, jumping to her feet. She crossed her arms around herself protectively as she looked at Sienna with an anger I had never before seen. “I lost a baby less than a week ago! I'm allowed to grieve!”
Sienna held her hands out in front of her in surrender. “I know that, Cassie. I'm not saying you have to take them now. But, in my experience, someone with your medical history and who has gone through the level of post-partum depression you did a couple of years ago has a chance for relapse in the wake of another trauma,” she said calmly.
“I won't be medicated again,” Cassie stated firmly.
“I understand. You have every right to feel what you feel,” Sienna said. “I'll leave the prescription with you. Keep it…just in case, okay?”
Cassie shook her head in frustration. “Whatever. I'm going to bed.”
Once Cassie left the room, I leaned forward and rested my arms on my knees, looking up at Sienna. “It's not good, is it?”
With a slight head shake and smile, she answered, “Jack, her pain…and your pain…is still so fresh. It's hard to say what's going to happen. Her reaction is expected. You're a psychiatrist, you know this…hell, you've dealt with it.” She leaned forward and locked eyes with me. “Now, how are you feeling?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Are you seriously trying to evaluate me?”
“Jack.” Her tone was serious with an air of threat behind it.
I exhaled loudly as I flopped back into the couch. “I feel…” I took a minute so I could try and put into words what I was feeling. “Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Maybe if I hadn't been so damn happy about this pregnancy and forced Cassie to accept it, then she wouldn't be hurting right now.”
“Do you really feel as though you forced her acceptance?”
With an exasperated groan, I looked at Sienna. “You're far too good at this, you know that?” She smirked, and I rolled my eyes. “I guess I didn't really force her acceptance, but that's how it feels. It feels like once she's done grieving her loss—”
“Your loss, too, Jack,” she corrected.
“Obviously that goes without saying,” I said snarkily. “Anyway, it feels like once she's done grieving, she'll resent me and begin to pull away,” I admitted.
“Cassie loves you, Jack. You both just need some time.” Sienna's eyes drifted to her watch. “I have to get going, but if either of you need anything, you just let me know. I'll leave the prescriptions with you, all right?”
We stood, and Sienna handed me the papers before I walked her to the door. Before walking through the
Similar Books
