Red Hats by Damon Wayans Page A

this house and never come back.
    “Alma, close that door and come sit down,” Dee called.
    Alma sat in the back of the room and watched James field questions from the sisters. He was very knowledgeable about the law. She liked how he could solve problems in a split second. It was like watching someone solve a Rubik’s Cube. Three twists, and he had it.
    Occasionally, he would look in her direction as if he wanted her to offer a problem for him to fix. She didn’t know the women well enough to open up like that, and she was really impressed with Dee for not telling these strangers her situation. When asked why she was living there, Dee would say it was “because of none ya,” meaning none of your business! Alma saw Joy trying way too hard to get the wrong kind of attention from James. He knew she wanted morethan his understanding of the law and didn’t play into any of her innuendo. Classy.
    The hour passed quickly as James listened, informed, and utterly charmed the Red Hats. He agreed to return at the end of the month to see how their situations turned out. They fed him sandwiches and coffee and packed him some dessert for the road. Alma wondered where the sweets came from. She had fought a hard battle at the supermarket not to buy any. She searched to see who the culprit was, so she could have a conversation with them about Dee’s condition and how they could all help her fight the sugar habit.
    It made her mad to see Dee with a plate of cherry pie à la mode in her hands. It was weird to see how happy it made her to have sweets. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she took the first bite. It looked orgasmic.
    As James was saying his good-byes, Dee grabbed his hand and pulled him over to Alma.
    “James, I know you have to go, but I need you to talk to my girlfriend about some legal advice she needs. It’s none of my business, so I’m going to let you talk by yourselves.” Dee winked at Alma, then turned and walked away, leaving them staring at each other in an awkward silence.
    “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t know.”
    “No apology needed. It was cute.”
    “Cute?”
    “Yeah. So Alma, how may I be of service to you?”
    “Well, you know my placed burned down, right?”
    “Yes.”
    “I had a renter’s insurance policy, but I’m having a hard time collecting on it.”
    “I’ll be happy to represent you.”
    “The thing is, I don’t have very much money to pay you. So you have to tell me up front what it is going to cost me.”
    “Dinner.”
    “What?”
    “It’s going to cost you having dinner with me,” he said.
    “That’s it?” Alma asked.
    “No. I pick the time and place. Deal?” James extended his hand, and Alma shook it.
    “Deal!” she exclaimed.
    They matched each other’s smile.
    The morning of
the insurance meeting, Alma had agreed to see James for coffee to discuss the final details of her case. She also had agreed that this did not let her off the hook for dinner. As Alma sat across from James, who had stacks of telephone transcripts, building code information, and various other legal papers in front of him, she found herself suddenly at ease in his company.
    He wore a different hat when he was conducting business. No flirting and no million-dollar smile. He was a great listener and wanted to soak it all up. She was embarrassed at having to explain that her husband was deceased after she’d told him she was married. James acted as if healready knew and even expressed his heartfelt sorrow for her loss.
    He encouraged her to take him through the night of the fire again, step by step, and asked numerous questions. Did she hear the fire alarm? How close was she to the lighted oven? Did she make calls to the building manager and the heating company regarding the broken pipes? The fact that the building’s assistant manager had told her to use the oven caused him to write more notes on his legal pad.
    James was finished. After he seemed satisfied with the answers, he told Alma