Why he did it was what didn't make sense.
“Don't you think you should be asking Cole about that?” He moved to the front door now, and calling back over his shoulder right before he shut my front door he said, “From what he said when he got back to the party, he's going around campus with you tomorrow, has you programmed in his phone, and has confirmation you will be coming to a practice if you don't work, and our show for sure this coming weekend. Looks like you don't really need to ask me since you'll be there watching him already.”
Without looking back at me, without saying another word or letting me even speak, he slammed the door and left me sitting on the kitchen counter where he put me. I could still smell him. He thought I wanted to spend my time with Cole when he first came over, and all it took was him taking one question the wrong way to throw him right back into that mindset. So once again, Brandon walked away from me.
I wasn't sure how much longer I could try with him. Part of me wanted to just sit down and be vulnerable with him, tell him why I shut my emotions off, what I went through because I think then he might do the same. Then again, he could pretend to care like he just did, and then I could say the wrong thing and he could just disappear again. It seemed the one thing he was great at was pulling me in without me even realizing it, and once again I was a sucker because of it.
Chapter 8
I snuck out the front door after leaving a note on the counter for Emma. She was asleep on my couch and would more than likely stay that way for a while, and I needed to go blow off some steam so I headed to the community center to dance for an hour or so. There was something so freeing about dance, about getting emotions pent up inside of me out in a way that didn't require speaking. It was something I never knew I always needed, but was so happy I found it.
Making my way into the studio I waved at Mary, the manager of the place, and she told me the studio was all mine this morning. That was the nice thing about being an early riser, I typically did have the studio to myself. Taking off my sandals and my hoodie, I threw my cd in and started to stretch out my muscles. The air conditioning wasn't on this early in the morning so I was glad I'd come in two layered sports bras and some looser fitting pants that stopped just below my knee.
As the music kept going I started to move around the floor, releasing everything that'd happened with Brandon the night before. When he just held my hand, and later wrapped his arms around me I thought he actually wanted to try at being friends if nothing else, but the second he thought about Cole he shut himself off to me.
I was protecting myself too though, by trying to make him see who I was now so when he found out about my past, hopefully he wouldn't walk away from me. When I was around Brandon my mind was quiet, that never happened to me, and I wondered if that was the biggest part of his appeal to me. It seemed I had the opposite affect on him though, that after just a short time with me he couldn't figure out if he wanted to hold my hand, try to screw me, talk to me, shut his emotions off on me, or just simply walk away.
But something about him told me he needed me. Not in a physical way, though I'm sure he would gladly take that too, but I felt like he got something from me emotionally he didn't get anywhere else. It might be he could see just how fucked up I was, and felt we were the same that way. There are definite tell tale signs I see in him that have let me know his heart and soul are a little darker than most guys at twenty one.
It was a scary thing thinking about putting myself out there to be rejected because of the person I had been before moving here. So while I danced I decided I would continue to keep trying to be friends with Brandon. What I wouldn't do was forego being friends with other guys just because it seemed to get him all bent out of shape.
An
“Don't you think you should be asking Cole about that?” He moved to the front door now, and calling back over his shoulder right before he shut my front door he said, “From what he said when he got back to the party, he's going around campus with you tomorrow, has you programmed in his phone, and has confirmation you will be coming to a practice if you don't work, and our show for sure this coming weekend. Looks like you don't really need to ask me since you'll be there watching him already.”
Without looking back at me, without saying another word or letting me even speak, he slammed the door and left me sitting on the kitchen counter where he put me. I could still smell him. He thought I wanted to spend my time with Cole when he first came over, and all it took was him taking one question the wrong way to throw him right back into that mindset. So once again, Brandon walked away from me.
I wasn't sure how much longer I could try with him. Part of me wanted to just sit down and be vulnerable with him, tell him why I shut my emotions off, what I went through because I think then he might do the same. Then again, he could pretend to care like he just did, and then I could say the wrong thing and he could just disappear again. It seemed the one thing he was great at was pulling me in without me even realizing it, and once again I was a sucker because of it.
Chapter 8
I snuck out the front door after leaving a note on the counter for Emma. She was asleep on my couch and would more than likely stay that way for a while, and I needed to go blow off some steam so I headed to the community center to dance for an hour or so. There was something so freeing about dance, about getting emotions pent up inside of me out in a way that didn't require speaking. It was something I never knew I always needed, but was so happy I found it.
Making my way into the studio I waved at Mary, the manager of the place, and she told me the studio was all mine this morning. That was the nice thing about being an early riser, I typically did have the studio to myself. Taking off my sandals and my hoodie, I threw my cd in and started to stretch out my muscles. The air conditioning wasn't on this early in the morning so I was glad I'd come in two layered sports bras and some looser fitting pants that stopped just below my knee.
As the music kept going I started to move around the floor, releasing everything that'd happened with Brandon the night before. When he just held my hand, and later wrapped his arms around me I thought he actually wanted to try at being friends if nothing else, but the second he thought about Cole he shut himself off to me.
I was protecting myself too though, by trying to make him see who I was now so when he found out about my past, hopefully he wouldn't walk away from me. When I was around Brandon my mind was quiet, that never happened to me, and I wondered if that was the biggest part of his appeal to me. It seemed I had the opposite affect on him though, that after just a short time with me he couldn't figure out if he wanted to hold my hand, try to screw me, talk to me, shut his emotions off on me, or just simply walk away.
But something about him told me he needed me. Not in a physical way, though I'm sure he would gladly take that too, but I felt like he got something from me emotionally he didn't get anywhere else. It might be he could see just how fucked up I was, and felt we were the same that way. There are definite tell tale signs I see in him that have let me know his heart and soul are a little darker than most guys at twenty one.
It was a scary thing thinking about putting myself out there to be rejected because of the person I had been before moving here. So while I danced I decided I would continue to keep trying to be friends with Brandon. What I wouldn't do was forego being friends with other guys just because it seemed to get him all bent out of shape.
An
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