quickly. But she did not. She wandered in her mind. Lady Tyrwhit was with her and she saw and heard it all. The Queen seemed to have lost her love for the Admiral and she cried out to Lady Tyrwhit, ‘I am most unhappy because those whom I have loved love me not. They mock at me. They laugh at my love. They wait for my death so that they may be with others. The more good I do to them, the less good they do to me.'”
I shivered. “Did she really say that to Lady Tyrwhit?”
“She did indeed, my lady. There were witnesses. The Admiral was quite put out and said she wandered in her mind. He sat on the bed beside her but she shrank from him as though she feared he might do her some harm.‘I shall die,’ said the Queen. ‘I have no wish to live.’ The Admiral talked of their child, but she turned away from him.”
“I do not believe this, Kat,” I said. “She loved him dearly.”
“That was before…”
“Be silent, Kat.”
“Yes, my lady,” said Kat meekly.
After a while she went on: “My lady, should you not write a letter of condolence to my lord Admiral?”
“Do you think he needs condolence, Kat?”
“It is the custom and it would show correctness.”
I could not shut out of my mind the thought of him as he had looked at me in the chamber. And his wife Katharine had seen that! What had those weeks been like while she waited for the birth of her child, the child of her faithless husband? Condolence? How much had he ever really cared for Katharine Parr?
“No,” I said firmly. “I will write no letter of condolence because I do not think he needs it.”
“I shall write to him then,” she said and waited for me to forbid it; but I did not. Let her write or what she wished.
She did and I allowed the letter to be sent.
THE WEEKS PASSED . Rumor abounded and it chiefly concerned the Admiral and myself.
It was widely believed that now his wife was dead, the Admiral would marry me. I was not at all sure how I felt about that. If the Council gave their consent, perhaps there would be no reason why the marriage should not take place. Sometimes I was rather inclined to romanticize about that prospect. On the other hand, I drew back; I had no desire to be dominated by a man. I preferred those little skirmishes, those approaches and timely retreats. It seemed to me that while they persisted, it was the woman who was in control; it was she who said no. Once she had said yes, it would appear that she gave up her power and submitted. Look at my dear stepmother who had given her heart so freely. It was a battle between the sexes, and I was beginning to realize that I was of a nature which preferred conquest to being conquered.
And yet… the Admiral was a very exciting man.
If only I were a little older. Fifteen is really very young, and a knowledge of Greek and Latin does not help one to solve the problems which arise between a man and a woman.
Kat was excited.
“He keeps on the Queen's household,” she whispered. “Perhaps he wishes to have that ready and waiting for his new bride.”
“Methinks she would want to choose her own,” I said curtly.
“Oh yes…in time, but just at first…”
“You talk as though a new marriage is imminent.”
“Who shall say?” said Kat dreamily.
I knew that she and Parry gossiped constantly. Mr Ashley tried to curb his wife's chatter, but who could stop Kat? If I could not, no one could.
Parry even had the temerity to ask me whether, if the Council approved, I would marry the Admiral.
I hesitated for a second or two. I knew I must speak with caution even in my own household, so I said: “When the time comes to pass, I shall do as God shall put into my mind.”
“The Admiral will surely ask for you, my lady,” went on Parry. “I know that the matter is on his mind for he has spoken to me, as your cofferer, of your estate and possessions and the number of persons you keep in your household and of their cost to you.”
“He seems to take a great
I shivered. “Did she really say that to Lady Tyrwhit?”
“She did indeed, my lady. There were witnesses. The Admiral was quite put out and said she wandered in her mind. He sat on the bed beside her but she shrank from him as though she feared he might do her some harm.‘I shall die,’ said the Queen. ‘I have no wish to live.’ The Admiral talked of their child, but she turned away from him.”
“I do not believe this, Kat,” I said. “She loved him dearly.”
“That was before…”
“Be silent, Kat.”
“Yes, my lady,” said Kat meekly.
After a while she went on: “My lady, should you not write a letter of condolence to my lord Admiral?”
“Do you think he needs condolence, Kat?”
“It is the custom and it would show correctness.”
I could not shut out of my mind the thought of him as he had looked at me in the chamber. And his wife Katharine had seen that! What had those weeks been like while she waited for the birth of her child, the child of her faithless husband? Condolence? How much had he ever really cared for Katharine Parr?
“No,” I said firmly. “I will write no letter of condolence because I do not think he needs it.”
“I shall write to him then,” she said and waited for me to forbid it; but I did not. Let her write or what she wished.
She did and I allowed the letter to be sent.
THE WEEKS PASSED . Rumor abounded and it chiefly concerned the Admiral and myself.
It was widely believed that now his wife was dead, the Admiral would marry me. I was not at all sure how I felt about that. If the Council gave their consent, perhaps there would be no reason why the marriage should not take place. Sometimes I was rather inclined to romanticize about that prospect. On the other hand, I drew back; I had no desire to be dominated by a man. I preferred those little skirmishes, those approaches and timely retreats. It seemed to me that while they persisted, it was the woman who was in control; it was she who said no. Once she had said yes, it would appear that she gave up her power and submitted. Look at my dear stepmother who had given her heart so freely. It was a battle between the sexes, and I was beginning to realize that I was of a nature which preferred conquest to being conquered.
And yet… the Admiral was a very exciting man.
If only I were a little older. Fifteen is really very young, and a knowledge of Greek and Latin does not help one to solve the problems which arise between a man and a woman.
Kat was excited.
“He keeps on the Queen's household,” she whispered. “Perhaps he wishes to have that ready and waiting for his new bride.”
“Methinks she would want to choose her own,” I said curtly.
“Oh yes…in time, but just at first…”
“You talk as though a new marriage is imminent.”
“Who shall say?” said Kat dreamily.
I knew that she and Parry gossiped constantly. Mr Ashley tried to curb his wife's chatter, but who could stop Kat? If I could not, no one could.
Parry even had the temerity to ask me whether, if the Council approved, I would marry the Admiral.
I hesitated for a second or two. I knew I must speak with caution even in my own household, so I said: “When the time comes to pass, I shall do as God shall put into my mind.”
“The Admiral will surely ask for you, my lady,” went on Parry. “I know that the matter is on his mind for he has spoken to me, as your cofferer, of your estate and possessions and the number of persons you keep in your household and of their cost to you.”
“He seems to take a great
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