full-throttle angry in minutes. Then, I would be fine a few minutes later. I want to be clear that being bipolar does not mean that I, or anyone else who has it, is violent. Contrary to some of the gossip and rumors that have been circulated, I am not an aggressive or violent person. I visited the doctor and the diagnosis proved my cousins’ instincts were correct. I was relieved the solution was simple. Regular counseling and medications were the steps to a better me.
These dramatic events were enough to last me decades. I focused my attention on what mattered. Javi and I began planning our future together. After all, he had become my chosen family. In order to provide a future for himself and our family, he decided to join the United States Air force. He would be both serving our country and giving us stability. This noble, selfless commitment proved his loyalty not only to me, but to a greater good, something bigger than the both of us.
This career choice meant a very big change for how we would operate as a couple and, although I was proud of Javi, I was scared for what it would mean for us.
Chapter 14
Girl Friends
Meanwhile, there were problems brewing from the outside, from someone who I had thought cared about me. I wasn’t prepared that the next crisis in my life would involve my close friend, Aria. In my opinion she had been bringing herself down by befriending strippers and changing herself to fit into her new crowd. I confronted her, making it clear that I didn’t want to be around that lifestyle and we couldn’t be friends if she continued to be a part of it. This fight led us to the end of our friendship and worse.
Aria and I had been friends for years. I didn’t want to lose her friendship, but sometimes you have to let go of an unhealthy relationship even if it means losing something that used to be great. The issue between us quickly escalated into the biggest blowup I had ever had in my life, and by the end some old skeletons from my past I had been dragged out into the public eye.
Back in middle school, I had this friend with whom I was close, very close. In fact, our friendship was blurry and experimental. We didn’t have boyfriends, so we used to practice on each other. We kissed and touched each other. At such a young age, I didn’t stop to analyze what this meant about my sexuality—even though I knew we had a unique friendship, and the twinges of jealousy I felt ached more than if she was just a regular friend. I’d get upset if she hung out with other friends, thinking she could be doing the same things with them. Was I just being promiscuous? I never considered myself to be gay. We hid the physical part of our relationship from her mom because we knew we were different from the other girls at school and we had some instilled guilt that we were doing would not be considered “acceptable.” Looking back, I realize that I thought of her as my girlfriend even if we never officially acknowledged it. Years later, she came out as a lesbian.
Since then, I had only had sexual experiences with guys. Girls never crossed my mind again as an option—until Aria. To clarify my relationship with Aria: we never dated. We were never teetering between friendship and a relationship. While I was still living at Jo’s, we hooked up once. This wasn’t Girls Gone Wild shit. I felt an indescribable love for Aria. It wasn’t romantic love, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful.
There was a deleted scene from Teen Mom 2 where we discussed the nature of our friendship and if it would ever go further. I had never really sat down to examine my sexuality, but Aria was convinced I was gay like her. I didn’t want to be stereotyped as a closeted lesbian. For me it’s much more complicated than that. . I was happy with Javi and I felt like Aria wanted to destroy that. Maybe she thought her influence would help me be a free butterfly and declare my true sexuality to the world, but I felt like she was
These dramatic events were enough to last me decades. I focused my attention on what mattered. Javi and I began planning our future together. After all, he had become my chosen family. In order to provide a future for himself and our family, he decided to join the United States Air force. He would be both serving our country and giving us stability. This noble, selfless commitment proved his loyalty not only to me, but to a greater good, something bigger than the both of us.
This career choice meant a very big change for how we would operate as a couple and, although I was proud of Javi, I was scared for what it would mean for us.
Chapter 14
Girl Friends
Meanwhile, there were problems brewing from the outside, from someone who I had thought cared about me. I wasn’t prepared that the next crisis in my life would involve my close friend, Aria. In my opinion she had been bringing herself down by befriending strippers and changing herself to fit into her new crowd. I confronted her, making it clear that I didn’t want to be around that lifestyle and we couldn’t be friends if she continued to be a part of it. This fight led us to the end of our friendship and worse.
Aria and I had been friends for years. I didn’t want to lose her friendship, but sometimes you have to let go of an unhealthy relationship even if it means losing something that used to be great. The issue between us quickly escalated into the biggest blowup I had ever had in my life, and by the end some old skeletons from my past I had been dragged out into the public eye.
Back in middle school, I had this friend with whom I was close, very close. In fact, our friendship was blurry and experimental. We didn’t have boyfriends, so we used to practice on each other. We kissed and touched each other. At such a young age, I didn’t stop to analyze what this meant about my sexuality—even though I knew we had a unique friendship, and the twinges of jealousy I felt ached more than if she was just a regular friend. I’d get upset if she hung out with other friends, thinking she could be doing the same things with them. Was I just being promiscuous? I never considered myself to be gay. We hid the physical part of our relationship from her mom because we knew we were different from the other girls at school and we had some instilled guilt that we were doing would not be considered “acceptable.” Looking back, I realize that I thought of her as my girlfriend even if we never officially acknowledged it. Years later, she came out as a lesbian.
Since then, I had only had sexual experiences with guys. Girls never crossed my mind again as an option—until Aria. To clarify my relationship with Aria: we never dated. We were never teetering between friendship and a relationship. While I was still living at Jo’s, we hooked up once. This wasn’t Girls Gone Wild shit. I felt an indescribable love for Aria. It wasn’t romantic love, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful.
There was a deleted scene from Teen Mom 2 where we discussed the nature of our friendship and if it would ever go further. I had never really sat down to examine my sexuality, but Aria was convinced I was gay like her. I didn’t want to be stereotyped as a closeted lesbian. For me it’s much more complicated than that. . I was happy with Javi and I felt like Aria wanted to destroy that. Maybe she thought her influence would help me be a free butterfly and declare my true sexuality to the world, but I felt like she was
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