don’t know how wonderful until you have one. Ayla had been privately developing her unorthodox ideas about the conception of life during the winter as she had been learning about Mut, the Great Earth Mother, from Mamut, the old teacher of the Lion Camp, though the original idea had occurred long before.
But Broud wasn’t a pleasure for me, she recalled. I hated it when he forced me, but now I’m sure that’s how Durc got started. No one believed I would ever have a baby. They thought my Cave Lion totem was too strong for any man’s totem spirit to overcome. It surprised everyone. But it only happened after Broud began forcing me, and I could see his look in my baby. He had to be the one that started Durc growinginside me. My totem knew how much I wanted a baby of my own—maybe the Mother did, too. Maybe that was the only way. Mamut said the way we know Pleasures are a Gift from the Mother is that they are so powerful. It’s very hard to resist them. He said it is even harder for men than for women.
That’s the way it was with that dark red mammoth. All the males wanted her, but she didn’t want them. She wanted to wait for her big bull. Is that why Broud wouldn’t let me alone? Even though he hated me, the Mother’s Gift of Pleasure was more powerful than his hatred?
Maybe, but I don’t think he was doing it only for the Pleasures. He could get that from his own mate, or any woman he wanted. I think he knew how much I hated it and that made his Pleasure more. Broud may have started a baby in me—or maybe my Cave Lion let himself be defeated because he knew how much I wanted one—but Broud could only give me his organ. He couldn’t give me the Mother’s Gift of Pleasures. Only Jondalar did that.
There must be more to Her Gift than just the Pleasures. If She just wanted to give Her children a Gift of Pleasure, why would She put it in that place, where children are born from? A place of Pleasures could be anywhere. Mine aren’t exactly where Jondalar’s are. His Pleasure comes when he is inside me, but mine is at that other place. When he gives me Pleasure there, everything feels wonderful, inside and all over. Then I want to feel him inside me. I would not want to have my place of Pleasure inside. When I’m very sensitive, Jondalar has to be very gentle, or it can hurt, and giving birth is not gentle. If a woman’s place of Pleasure was inside, it would make giving birth much harder, and it’s difficult enough as it is.
How does Jondalar always know just what to do? He knew how to give me Pleasures before I knew what they were. I think that big mammoth knew how to give that pretty red one Pleasures, too. I think she made that loud deep sound because he made her feel them, and that’s why all her family was so happy for her. Ayla’s thoughts were causing tingling sensations and a warming glow. She glanced toward the wooded area where Jondalar had gone, wondering when he’d be back.
But a baby doesn’t start every time Pleasures are shared. Maybe spirits are necessary, too. Whether it’s the totem spirits of the Clan men, or the essence of a man’s spirit that the Mother takes and gives to a woman, it still starts when a man puts his organ inside and leaves his essence there. That’s how She gives a child to a woman, not with spirits, with Her Gift of Pleasure. But She decides which man’s essence will start the new life, and when the life will begin.
If the Mother decides, why does Iza’s medicine keep a woman fromgetting pregnant? Perhaps it won’t let a man’s essence, or his spirit, mix with a woman’s. Iza didn’t know why it worked, but it does seem to, most of the time.
I would like to let a baby start when Jondalar shares Pleasures with me. I want to have a baby so much, one that’s a part of him. His essence or his spirit. But he’s right. We should wait. It was so hard for me to have Durc. If Iza hadn’t been there, what would I have done? I’d want to be sure there were
But Broud wasn’t a pleasure for me, she recalled. I hated it when he forced me, but now I’m sure that’s how Durc got started. No one believed I would ever have a baby. They thought my Cave Lion totem was too strong for any man’s totem spirit to overcome. It surprised everyone. But it only happened after Broud began forcing me, and I could see his look in my baby. He had to be the one that started Durc growinginside me. My totem knew how much I wanted a baby of my own—maybe the Mother did, too. Maybe that was the only way. Mamut said the way we know Pleasures are a Gift from the Mother is that they are so powerful. It’s very hard to resist them. He said it is even harder for men than for women.
That’s the way it was with that dark red mammoth. All the males wanted her, but she didn’t want them. She wanted to wait for her big bull. Is that why Broud wouldn’t let me alone? Even though he hated me, the Mother’s Gift of Pleasure was more powerful than his hatred?
Maybe, but I don’t think he was doing it only for the Pleasures. He could get that from his own mate, or any woman he wanted. I think he knew how much I hated it and that made his Pleasure more. Broud may have started a baby in me—or maybe my Cave Lion let himself be defeated because he knew how much I wanted one—but Broud could only give me his organ. He couldn’t give me the Mother’s Gift of Pleasures. Only Jondalar did that.
There must be more to Her Gift than just the Pleasures. If She just wanted to give Her children a Gift of Pleasure, why would She put it in that place, where children are born from? A place of Pleasures could be anywhere. Mine aren’t exactly where Jondalar’s are. His Pleasure comes when he is inside me, but mine is at that other place. When he gives me Pleasure there, everything feels wonderful, inside and all over. Then I want to feel him inside me. I would not want to have my place of Pleasure inside. When I’m very sensitive, Jondalar has to be very gentle, or it can hurt, and giving birth is not gentle. If a woman’s place of Pleasure was inside, it would make giving birth much harder, and it’s difficult enough as it is.
How does Jondalar always know just what to do? He knew how to give me Pleasures before I knew what they were. I think that big mammoth knew how to give that pretty red one Pleasures, too. I think she made that loud deep sound because he made her feel them, and that’s why all her family was so happy for her. Ayla’s thoughts were causing tingling sensations and a warming glow. She glanced toward the wooded area where Jondalar had gone, wondering when he’d be back.
But a baby doesn’t start every time Pleasures are shared. Maybe spirits are necessary, too. Whether it’s the totem spirits of the Clan men, or the essence of a man’s spirit that the Mother takes and gives to a woman, it still starts when a man puts his organ inside and leaves his essence there. That’s how She gives a child to a woman, not with spirits, with Her Gift of Pleasure. But She decides which man’s essence will start the new life, and when the life will begin.
If the Mother decides, why does Iza’s medicine keep a woman fromgetting pregnant? Perhaps it won’t let a man’s essence, or his spirit, mix with a woman’s. Iza didn’t know why it worked, but it does seem to, most of the time.
I would like to let a baby start when Jondalar shares Pleasures with me. I want to have a baby so much, one that’s a part of him. His essence or his spirit. But he’s right. We should wait. It was so hard for me to have Durc. If Iza hadn’t been there, what would I have done? I’d want to be sure there were
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