Pisces: From Behind That Locked Door by Pepper Espinoza Page B

in that she bought frozen green beans and corn, but they were always relegated to the side of the plate in small spoonfuls, studiously ignored until he'd eaten everything else and he could legitimately claim to be too full to eat another bite. But Stephen clearly didn't use frozen or canned products. Maybe vegetables were great in their natural state. Jay couldn't even remember the last time he had a fresh salad.
    "Did you bring dressing for it?" Jay asked.
    "Something better than that. I'm going to make my own vinaigrette."
    "Wow. You're really going all out here."
    Stephen stuck his head out from the kitchen door. "It doesn't really take that much effort to make a good vinaigrette. Do you like mushrooms?"
    "Sure."
    Jay abandoned the couch in favor of the kitchen, telling himself that he was just going to offer to help Stephen, and he was in no way missing him. It would be insane to be lonely for a person who was literally in the next room. They were even having a conversation without raising their voices to be heard. But the fact was, Jay did miss Stephen terribly and felt relief rushing through him like a fresh breeze drifting through a stuffy room at the sight of him bent over the chopping board.
    "How's school been this week?" Stephen asked without looking up.
    "School? I don't know, I barely noticed it."
    "Why?"
    "Because I was too busy thinking of you."
    Stephen smiled at the mushrooms he was cutting in perfectly even slices. "That's sweet, but I don't want to be the reason you stop caring about school."
    "It's just nice to have something else to think about for once. I feel like... you know, I've been living in books my entire life. It's nice to be a part of the real world, for once. Honestly, that's the whole reason I went to grad school. I realized nobody else was going to pay me to read."
    "Well, that's not exactly true, is it? You could be paid to review books. Or work for a publisher."
    "There aren't a lot of publishers in Utah," Jay pointed out.
    "There are publishers in New York."
    "I don't live in New York."
    "No, but the point is, you could. If you really wanted to do something else, you could move to New York. Or anywhere, really."
    "I don't know. It might be too late for that. I guess in your heart you'll always be a chef, and in my heart I'll be an editor."
    Stephen's lovely mouth pulled into a frown. "That... actually sounds pretty depressing."
    "You're the one who said cooking is just a hobby."
    "I know, but... well, my point is, Jay, that you should try to do what makes you feel happy. If being a professor or whatever doesn't make you happy... "
    "Who said it doesn't?" Jay asked. "I never said that."
    Stephen licked his lips. "Yeah, you're right. I just assumed because... well, I shouldn't assume."
    "I don't know if it makes me happy," Jay admitted. "I always thought I'd have all these questions worked out by now. Like, the passage of time would be enough to get my head on straight. But I don't feel like I have any answers. I feel like I have momentum, and I don't know how to swing that momentum in another direction. So I just keep going forward in a straight line and force myself to have tunnel vision."
    "I know exactly what you mean. Green peppers good?"
    "Yeah."
    "I'm going to bring my ice cream maker next time."
    "You make ice cream?"
    "Yes. Though I usually can't convince anybody to try my experimental flavors. They're not exactly Ben & Jerry's."
    "Like what?"
    "I'm perfecting a basil and rose water combination right now." Stephen laughed at the grimace on Jay's face. "It tastes really good, I promise you."
    "It sounds like it tastes like a bathroom air freshener."
    "Oh, not quite as delicious as that."
    "Let me guess, you don't like store bought ice cream, either."
    "Nope. Too sweet for me now. If you give up sugar like that, even diet sodas start to taste too sweet."
    "I honestly can't imagine not wanting Ben & Jerry's."
    "You'll be able to imagine that quite well after I make you a batch of my