strange young man is crossing the terrace.’
‘A strange young man?’
‘Look for yourself.’
Lord Emsworth joined him at the window.
‘Where? I don’t see any … Ah yes, I was looking in the wrong direction. That is not a strange young man. That is my new secretary.’
‘I didn’t know you had a new secretary.’
‘Nor did I till just now, dash it.’
‘You’d better go and pass the time of day with him.’
‘I have passed the time of day with him, and I must say that, much as I resent having these infernal secretaries thrust upon me, this time the outlook seems considerably brighter than usual. By a most happy chance, this fellow turns out to be a mine of information on the subject of pigs, and we got along capitally together. We were exchanging the customary civilities, when he suddenly said “I wonder if you are interested in pigs, Lord Emsworth?” “God bless my soul, yes,” I replied. “Are you?” “They are a passion with me,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m rather inclined to bore people about pigs,” he went on with a little laugh, and then he told me all sorts of things I didn’t know myself. He was most informative about pigs in ancient Egypt. It appears that the ancient Egyptians believed that pigs brought good crops and appeased evil spirits.’
‘You could hardly ask more of them than that.’
‘With regard to the pig in the time of Christopher Columbus –’
Lady Constance rapped the table.
‘Clarence!’
‘Yes?’
‘Go away!’
‘Eh?’
‘I came to this room to be alone. Am I not to have a moment of privacy?’
‘Yes, come along, Clarence,’ said Gally. ‘Connie is in a strange mood. We are not wanted here, and I am anxious to meet this gifted youth. What’s his name?’
‘Whose name?’
‘The gifted youth’s.’
‘What gifted youth?’
‘Listen, Clarence,’ said Gally patiently. ‘You have a new secretary. You concede that?’
‘Oh, certainly, certainly.’
‘Well, I want to know what his name is.’
‘Oh, his name? You mean his name . Quite. Quite. It’s … no, I’ve forgotten.’
‘Smith? Jones? Brown? Cholmondeley-Marjoribanks? Vavasour-Dalrymple? Ernle-Plunkett-Drax-Plunkett?’
Lord Emsworth stood in thought.
‘No … Ah, I have it. It’s Vail.’
‘Vail!’
‘Gerald Vail. He asked me to call him Jerry.’
The door closed behind them. The sharp, wordless cry which had proceeded from Lady Constance they attributed to a creaking hinge.
3
Having walked as far as the end of the corridor together, in pleasant conversation on such topics as top hats, secretaries and what a pest their sister Constance was, the brothers parted with mutual expressions of good will, Lord Emsworth to go to the library for a quick look at Whiffle on The Care Of The Pig , Gally to toddle out into the gloaming for a breath of air.
As he toddled, he was feeling deeply stirred. It was possible, of course, that there were several Gerald Vails in the world and the one now in residence one of the wrong ones, but it seemed unlikely. The way it looked to Gally was that somehow, by the exercise of he knew not what girlish wiles and stratagems, Penny Donaldson had succeeded in smuggling into the home circle the quite unsuitable young man to whom she had given her heart, and he was filled with a profound respect for the resource and enterprise of the present generation. Where the Emmelines and Ermyntrudes of his Victorian youth, parted from ineligible suitors, had merely dropped a tear and eventually married along lines more in keeping with the trend of parental thought, the Pennys of today, full of the rebel spirit, pulled up their socks and got things done.
Her behaviour appealed to everything in this deplorable buccaneer of the nineties which made his sister Constance, his sister Julia, his sister Dora, and all his other sisters wince when they saw him and purse their lips when his name was mentioned, and he was still aglow with admiration, proud that such a
‘A strange young man?’
‘Look for yourself.’
Lord Emsworth joined him at the window.
‘Where? I don’t see any … Ah yes, I was looking in the wrong direction. That is not a strange young man. That is my new secretary.’
‘I didn’t know you had a new secretary.’
‘Nor did I till just now, dash it.’
‘You’d better go and pass the time of day with him.’
‘I have passed the time of day with him, and I must say that, much as I resent having these infernal secretaries thrust upon me, this time the outlook seems considerably brighter than usual. By a most happy chance, this fellow turns out to be a mine of information on the subject of pigs, and we got along capitally together. We were exchanging the customary civilities, when he suddenly said “I wonder if you are interested in pigs, Lord Emsworth?” “God bless my soul, yes,” I replied. “Are you?” “They are a passion with me,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m rather inclined to bore people about pigs,” he went on with a little laugh, and then he told me all sorts of things I didn’t know myself. He was most informative about pigs in ancient Egypt. It appears that the ancient Egyptians believed that pigs brought good crops and appeased evil spirits.’
‘You could hardly ask more of them than that.’
‘With regard to the pig in the time of Christopher Columbus –’
Lady Constance rapped the table.
‘Clarence!’
‘Yes?’
‘Go away!’
‘Eh?’
‘I came to this room to be alone. Am I not to have a moment of privacy?’
‘Yes, come along, Clarence,’ said Gally. ‘Connie is in a strange mood. We are not wanted here, and I am anxious to meet this gifted youth. What’s his name?’
‘Whose name?’
‘The gifted youth’s.’
‘What gifted youth?’
‘Listen, Clarence,’ said Gally patiently. ‘You have a new secretary. You concede that?’
‘Oh, certainly, certainly.’
‘Well, I want to know what his name is.’
‘Oh, his name? You mean his name . Quite. Quite. It’s … no, I’ve forgotten.’
‘Smith? Jones? Brown? Cholmondeley-Marjoribanks? Vavasour-Dalrymple? Ernle-Plunkett-Drax-Plunkett?’
Lord Emsworth stood in thought.
‘No … Ah, I have it. It’s Vail.’
‘Vail!’
‘Gerald Vail. He asked me to call him Jerry.’
The door closed behind them. The sharp, wordless cry which had proceeded from Lady Constance they attributed to a creaking hinge.
3
Having walked as far as the end of the corridor together, in pleasant conversation on such topics as top hats, secretaries and what a pest their sister Constance was, the brothers parted with mutual expressions of good will, Lord Emsworth to go to the library for a quick look at Whiffle on The Care Of The Pig , Gally to toddle out into the gloaming for a breath of air.
As he toddled, he was feeling deeply stirred. It was possible, of course, that there were several Gerald Vails in the world and the one now in residence one of the wrong ones, but it seemed unlikely. The way it looked to Gally was that somehow, by the exercise of he knew not what girlish wiles and stratagems, Penny Donaldson had succeeded in smuggling into the home circle the quite unsuitable young man to whom she had given her heart, and he was filled with a profound respect for the resource and enterprise of the present generation. Where the Emmelines and Ermyntrudes of his Victorian youth, parted from ineligible suitors, had merely dropped a tear and eventually married along lines more in keeping with the trend of parental thought, the Pennys of today, full of the rebel spirit, pulled up their socks and got things done.
Her behaviour appealed to everything in this deplorable buccaneer of the nineties which made his sister Constance, his sister Julia, his sister Dora, and all his other sisters wince when they saw him and purse their lips when his name was mentioned, and he was still aglow with admiration, proud that such a
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