Pickles The Parrot: A Humorous Look At Life With An African Grey by Georgi Abbott

would lie so she keeps barking. “Go lay
down!” Pickles demands. “Stop it! Go lay down!” Athena barks a
couple of hesitant woofs then reluctantly goes back to the couch.
Neil goes back to the kitchen.
    “MAMMA’S HOME!!!!!!!” Pickles screams.
Running…barking. Man and dog stare out the window. Bilked again.
Neil is feeling pretty sheepish, Athena’s not sure what to believe
and now she’s whining. Pickles whines right back at her, only he
takes it up a few notches. Neil goes back to dinner, Athena lies
down and stares at the bird confused and hurt.
    “MAMMA’S HOME!!!!!!” Athena merely lifts her
head as Neil rushes past her to the window. I guess it’s true what
they say about old dogs and new tricks.
    Winter goes on, we get fatter as our plans
for dog walking get blown out the window. There’s always a
reason—it’s too cold, too much snow or too icy but mainly, it’s
because Athena hates the cold. Good choice eh? A hairless Doberman
in a high altitude winter climate. We have a hard time walking on
ice but Athena is worse. Dobies simply don’t have the paws for
grabbing, she’s just slipping all over the place. But we get by and
somehow, Athena remains slim, even with the lack of exercise.
    Spring finally arrives and I’m able to take
Athena for walks and runs. Her recall’s not great and we work at it
but I have to be careful about where I let her run. We were assured
she had no aggression but soon find out she will go after other
dogs. The moment she reached them, she would spin on her heels and
head back but we were afraid she’d do that to the wrong dog some
day and cause a fight.
    Athena is still showing no interest in
Pickles but just to be safe, we had erected a sturdy screen door
between the living room and kitchen to separate bird and dog when
we’re not around. We were more afraid of Pickles approaching
Athena, than the other way around. Pickles is a little bugger and
he could saunter over and nip Athena, given half a chance.
    Neil goes back to work in spring and this
year he’s managing Lac Le Jeune Provincial Park. I left my job in
Kamloops and went to work as the gatekeeper in the same park. There
are 144 campsites in the park and it’s situated on a lake with
excellent trout fishing. Wildlife is plentiful, including deer,
moose and the odd black bear.
    Along the lakeshore, there’s a really nice
day-use/picnic area and one day I was sent to write tickets for any
vehicles without a parking pass. It was Canada Day, the beach was
packed and the parking lot contained many violators so I got busy
writing. As I approached a car, writing on my clipboard, I failed
to notice a pothole and everyone around me heard the crack as I
stepped into it and broke my ankle. As I was falling and trying to
right myself, I sprained the other one. As I lay sat on the ground,
unable to speak through the pain, many people came to assist but I
wouldn’t let them look because I hadn’t shaved my legs. I spent the
rest of the summer on cast and crutches. So much for walking the
dog.
    With a broken ankle, the simplest things
became nearly impossible, like taking a shower. I had to wash my
hair in the bathroom sink so I’d have something to lean against
while my hands were busy. One day, I’m washing my hair while Athena
lounges on the bed. The whole while, Pickles is chirping and
whistling at the top of his lungs. “What a happy bird.” I’m
thinking, as I rinse my hair.
    “Heyyyy, wait a minute” I think to myself,
“He’s a little too loud” and I turn off the water to hear
him better. He sounds closer than the living room so I wrapped my
head in a towel and hobbled to the living room to check it out.
    No bird. He’s not on the top of the cage
where I left him, he’s not in the usual ‘fly down’ places and of
course, he shut the heck up now. I know how he loves this game so
I’m off on the hunt once again, knowing full well he’s sitting
coyly, head bobbing and watching my every move. I