Past Heaven by Laura Ward

kids.
    Hayden brought his face inches from mine. “I’ll be more careful, Mr. Reynolds.” His voice quivered and his eyes glistened.
    I really did like soccer.
    Looking over Hayden’s head, I caught Liz’s eye and she nodded in approval. I peeled the sticky napkin from my fingers and rubbed my hands together. “Let’s play ball.”
     

     
    “Block him. Get in there, Hayden.” I turned and switched directions, trying to get in front of Grayson. He laughed and moved past me as Griffin kicked the ball to him.
    “Scoooooorrrrre!” Grayson cheered as he kicked a goal. He jumped in the air in celebration and Hayden burst out laughing. Grayson chest bumped his brothers and then me. I couldn’t keep from joining in the laughter. I glanced at Griffin and his smile vanished as he dribbled the ball away.
    Standing at the grill, Liz had a faraway, wistful look on her face. “You okay?” I rested my hand on her forearm and she winced, pulling it away. Shit, she didn’t like to be touched. Why couldn’t I remember that?
    “Yup.” She nodded and gave me a quick smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen this, but it’s a good thing. Thank you. They’re having a blast.” She brought her arms across her body and watched them play.
    I smiled back, but my stomach clenched. Maybe I blurred the line with the soccer. “No biggie, Liz. It was just a game.”
    As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. While I meant them, they sounded cold and callous. She jolted back, her jaw set tight. She smiled, the same fake smile I’d shown to Hayden earlier, and turned back towards the grill.
    “Of course it was just a game. Still, it was kind of you to indulge them.” Her voice was flat and my throat became dry. Why didn’t I think before I spoke?
    “Let’s eat!” Liz called out to the boys, and they headed inside to wash up.
    “Liz, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude.” I moved in front of her, blocking her from entering the house.
    She pinched the sides of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. “You have nothing to apologize for. This is all me. Now, come on. Let’s enjoy dinner.” We walked into the kitchen and I washed my hands at the sink.
    “Wine?” Liz asked as she poured herself a glass of Cabernet. “I have to drink a glass of red with steaks.” I nodded, and she filled my glass as well.
    Sipping the wine, I felt my body begin to relax. My stomach unclenched and I filled my plate with food as it was passed around. Leaning forward, I inhaled deeply, the smell of the home cooked food making my mouth water.
    “This looks and smells amazing.” I picked up my knife and fork and cut into the thick rib-eye. I took a bite, appreciating the taste of the perfectly cooked beef.
    “Um, Mr. Reynolds?” Hayden looked at me with a questioning expression. I stopped chewing, and looked around the table. No one was eating. All four sat with their hands clasped in front of their plates.
    “Prayers, famous dude.” Grayson held up his clasped hands.
    Christ. They prayed before eating? I’d never said prayers. I forced myself to swallow my partially chewed lump of meat and clasped my damn hands.
    “Two eyes to look to God.” Hayden spoke, pointing to his eyes, and the other three repeated his words and mimicked his actions. My eyes bulged out as I watched them. I was supposed to repeat after him? “Two feet to walk His ways.” Hayden pointed to his feet, and again they did the same. I missed the words I was supposed to say, but I pointed to my feet a few seconds after them. I looked like an idiot. I memorized scripts and I was struggling to follow along with a kid’s prayer. “Two hands to do His will.” Hayden held up his hands and beamed when he saw I was following along with the correct line and action. “And one heart to love Him still, Amen.” Placing his hand over his heart, solemnly, a smile broke out across my face as we finished the family prayer. I had to admit,