Past Heaven by Laura Ward Page B

vino-induced loose lips caused me to tell him he was number one on my list. Oh god, Cind. I’m so mortified.” I flipped, pressing my face into my pillow and screamed. It was one thing to tell my friends who my Hollywood crush was, but actually telling him was totally different.
    In a really huge way.
    “How did you feel when you told him?” Cindy whispered into the phone in a fast clip.
    “Let’s see. I felt like a stupid teenager. I was panting, I was sweaty. Oh Lord. I flirted. I was flirting.” I grunted into the phone and threw my hand over my face.
    “Yes you did, and now you’re suffering from post-traumatic flirt syndrome. You’ll get over it.”
    I groaned in response, and she laughed as we said goodnight. I slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
    What was I thinking? I couldn’t flirt. I lathered soap in my hands and rubbed it onto my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I scrubbed. I was a woman and flirting was natural, right? Leaning closer to the faucet, I splashed warm water on my face and I patted it dry with a towel, never taking my eyes off the woman staring back at me. No, I wasn’t just a woman. I was the mother of Jack’s children. That part of me, the days of racing hearts and butterflies, was over.
    I had seen the joy on my boys’ faces tonight when they had played ball with Reynolds. I needed to make sure my little men didn’t get too close to Reynolds during this process. He might try and be their friend, but he would eventually leave and they could get hurt. I would not allow them to be hurt by the loss of another man, ever again.
    I climbed back into bed and rolled over to Jack’s side. I picked up the picture of him that I kept on his nightstand. “I miss you so much, honey.” Tears filled my eyes, and I looked at the face of my husband and the father of my children. Yes, that part of my life was over forever .
     

     
    I woke the next morning with a renewed purpose. What Reynolds needed to see today were some of the people impacted by Jack’s work. He needed to meet David and his friends.
    After my run, I made a few phone calls. I needed to fill the new director of the agency in with details about this project. Luckily, my brother and some of his friends would be at the agency today for a meeting around lunchtime.
    I stared into the mirror hanging in our hallway. I dabbed on lip gloss and swiped on a coat of mascara. Hanging out with a gorgeous male specimen like Reynolds, reminded me that I should wear something other than yoga pants. Knotting my hair in a bun after my shower wasn’t going to cut it. Reynolds knocked on the door, and my blood raced through my veins. Would we be awkward now after I had so stupidly admitted my crush? I was so embarrassed, full body trembles coursed through me. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I pulled the door open.
    As soon as I saw his easy-going grin, I couldn’t help but smile back. Today would be fine. He looked stunning, as usual. Wearing a white button down shirt, he had left the top buttons undone and sleeves rolled up. He wore dark blue jeans and his messy hair was still damp. He appeared confident and energized. How did anyone look like that day after day?
    “How are you?” I asked, motioning for him to come in.
    He looked me up and down as he came in the door. “I rode one of the horses on the farm this morning. It brought back great memories.” His excitement was visible, and it made him look younger, if that was possible. “You look great. Are we going somewhere today?”
    Since we would be visiting Warren, I wanted to look professional. After losing a fair amount of weight since Jack’s death, I had slowly begun purchasing clothes in my new sizes. A white blouse, tan skirt which hit just above the knee, and tan wedges was my typical school-event mom uniform. My hair was blown dry and styled, and I had on my trusty push-up bra.
    “I was wondering if you’d like to come to the Warren agency and meet