a stab of painful disappointment that she couldn’t give that to Jason. Not now, and maybe not ever.
“Blindsided is a bit strong,” she finally managed, turning to put the kettle back on. A second cup of tea was definitely needed. “But you’ve only just got here and we haven’t talked properly in weeks...” She turned back to Jason, taking a breath and managing a smile. “So yes, a marriage proposal is a bit of a surprise.”
“Right.” Jason stared down at his soup. “It’s just... I was hoping you’d missed me as much as I’ve missed you. And that maybe we were thinking in the same way...” He trailed off hopefully, and Molly felt a sudden, surprising spurt of anger.
“If you missed me so much, Jason, then I would have thought you could have visited sooner, or at least called. From here it hasn’t seemed like you’ve been missing me all that much.”
Colour stained Jason’s cheeks. “You know I’ve never been that good at phone calls,” he mumbled and Molly laughed, not a particularly pleasant sound.
“And so that excuses weeks of silence?” She sounded angry, Molly realised, like she wanted to pick a fight. And perhaps she did. She knew then she was more hurt by Jason’s lack of communication than she’d admitted even to herself, and somehow the sheer audacity of his proposal--heartfelt as it may be--after weeks of silence made her angrier.
“You weren’t exactly burning up the phone lines either,” Jason replied a bit resentfully. “What am I supposed to think?”
“I don’t want you to think anything,” Molly cried. She could hardly believe they were fighting--they never fought! They’d been the steadiest, strongest couple in college--except now they weren’t in college, and nothing felt particularly steady or strong. “I just want you to understand,” she said in a quieter voice. “Starting this job has been really difficult for me. It’s been a much bigger adjustment than I ever imagined, and to have you come visit and then pop the question less than an hour after you arrived... well, I can’t take it all in.” She took a breath and looked in Jason’s kind hazel eyes, now clouded with a sorrowful confusion. “I need some time. Time to just be with you, without any pressure.”
“I didn’t mean to pressure you,” Jason said. “I was hoping it would be quite the opposite.” He sounded tired and sad, and he pushed his half-eaten bowl of soup away. “I know your job has been difficult, and I thought this would give you some security--”
“Security?” Molly repeated disbelievingly. “I don’t need security. I need support --” Yet even as she uttered these words, a treacherous part of her wondered if Jason could even give her the kind of support she needed. He was a country boy, born and bred, and as Luke had said, he really had no idea what she was going through.
Luke ... was this really about Luke? Molly found her gaze moving uncomfortably away from Jason’s. She didn’t want Luke intruding on this moment, especially when she couldn’t untangle her feelings for him, or know whether he even had any for her. Yet even that realisation shocked her, for it made her acknowledge there was a possibility she did have feelings for Luke. She turned back to Jason. He looked weary and disappointed and somehow it reminded her of all they’d shared together, all they’d had and perhaps could still have. “I love you, Jason,” she said, and knew she meant it. “But I can’t give you an answer tonight. I’m sorry.”
Jason shook his head, moving to embrace her in a gentle hug. After an awkward moment Molly found herself leaning against his shoulder gratefully, remembering how he felt and missing that comforting warmth. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said. “I’m a first-class idiot, springing something like this on you so suddenly. It’s just I was so happy to see you, and I don’t want to lose you, Molly. I love you.”
Molly closed her eyes
“Blindsided is a bit strong,” she finally managed, turning to put the kettle back on. A second cup of tea was definitely needed. “But you’ve only just got here and we haven’t talked properly in weeks...” She turned back to Jason, taking a breath and managing a smile. “So yes, a marriage proposal is a bit of a surprise.”
“Right.” Jason stared down at his soup. “It’s just... I was hoping you’d missed me as much as I’ve missed you. And that maybe we were thinking in the same way...” He trailed off hopefully, and Molly felt a sudden, surprising spurt of anger.
“If you missed me so much, Jason, then I would have thought you could have visited sooner, or at least called. From here it hasn’t seemed like you’ve been missing me all that much.”
Colour stained Jason’s cheeks. “You know I’ve never been that good at phone calls,” he mumbled and Molly laughed, not a particularly pleasant sound.
“And so that excuses weeks of silence?” She sounded angry, Molly realised, like she wanted to pick a fight. And perhaps she did. She knew then she was more hurt by Jason’s lack of communication than she’d admitted even to herself, and somehow the sheer audacity of his proposal--heartfelt as it may be--after weeks of silence made her angrier.
“You weren’t exactly burning up the phone lines either,” Jason replied a bit resentfully. “What am I supposed to think?”
“I don’t want you to think anything,” Molly cried. She could hardly believe they were fighting--they never fought! They’d been the steadiest, strongest couple in college--except now they weren’t in college, and nothing felt particularly steady or strong. “I just want you to understand,” she said in a quieter voice. “Starting this job has been really difficult for me. It’s been a much bigger adjustment than I ever imagined, and to have you come visit and then pop the question less than an hour after you arrived... well, I can’t take it all in.” She took a breath and looked in Jason’s kind hazel eyes, now clouded with a sorrowful confusion. “I need some time. Time to just be with you, without any pressure.”
“I didn’t mean to pressure you,” Jason said. “I was hoping it would be quite the opposite.” He sounded tired and sad, and he pushed his half-eaten bowl of soup away. “I know your job has been difficult, and I thought this would give you some security--”
“Security?” Molly repeated disbelievingly. “I don’t need security. I need support --” Yet even as she uttered these words, a treacherous part of her wondered if Jason could even give her the kind of support she needed. He was a country boy, born and bred, and as Luke had said, he really had no idea what she was going through.
Luke ... was this really about Luke? Molly found her gaze moving uncomfortably away from Jason’s. She didn’t want Luke intruding on this moment, especially when she couldn’t untangle her feelings for him, or know whether he even had any for her. Yet even that realisation shocked her, for it made her acknowledge there was a possibility she did have feelings for Luke. She turned back to Jason. He looked weary and disappointed and somehow it reminded her of all they’d shared together, all they’d had and perhaps could still have. “I love you, Jason,” she said, and knew she meant it. “But I can’t give you an answer tonight. I’m sorry.”
Jason shook his head, moving to embrace her in a gentle hug. After an awkward moment Molly found herself leaning against his shoulder gratefully, remembering how he felt and missing that comforting warmth. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said. “I’m a first-class idiot, springing something like this on you so suddenly. It’s just I was so happy to see you, and I don’t want to lose you, Molly. I love you.”
Molly closed her eyes
Similar Books
