had given him my most valuable gift, one that could never be taken back.
"It is nothing, for 'tis common enough that a girl gives her maidenhead to a man," said a worldly voice in my head. It resembled Gertrude commenting upon a tale of love.
"This is no common delight, but a true and lasting love," countered a voice from a book of courtly ideals.
"You are ruined and undone by this sin!" a puritan's voice rebuked. The face of Elnora came to my mind's eye, lamenting the waste of all her teaching.
"No, you are made new by love. A maid no more, but born a woman," said a wiser, more generous voice.
"What's done is done and cannot be undone," came a stern voice like my father's.
"Ah, but what am I to do next?" I wondered aloud.
"Pray that this secret does not come to light," counseled the worldly voice, and ruefully I agreed.
As I debated with myself, a summons came from my father. I wondered what it could mean, for he had ignored me for many months. When I reached his chambers, he was bustling to and fro securing boxes and bundles for my brother's return to France. From the way he tugged at his beard and hemmed in his throat, I knew he had other matters on his mind. I should have knelt before him, but I felt disinclined to show this respect. After all, he had neglected his duty to me. So I stood before the table, waiting for him to speak.
Across from me, my father leaned on the table and asked in a low voice, "What have you observed lately of the queen and Claudius?"
"Nothing, my lord." It was the truth.
"Don't act so innocent, child! Have I not taught you to look closely about you?" he asked, his voice sharp.
"Yes, Father, I keep my eyes guarded," I said, pretending humility. But he seized my chin and lifted it, forcing me to look in his eyes.
"Many think it strange that Claudius has wed his brother's widow with such haste. Tell me what is said in secret among you ladies," he demanded.
Now I was suspicious of my father. What knowledge did he seek and on whose behalf? In fact I knew nothing, for we ladies spoke with caution where our mistress was concerned. I judged it safest to defend Gertrude.
"Why may she not choose her husband? She is accustomed to being the wife of a king and would not be content with less," I said, echoing what I had heard Elnora say before.
Mindful of deeper matters, my father did not mark the defiant tone of my words.
"Some say she was false to King Hamlet," he whispered, leaning closer.
The idea struck me with honor.
"I have seen nothing!" I said. Then I countered boldly, "Why? What do you know?"
My father started back in surprise and pursed his lips. Instead of speaking again, he shook his finger at me, turned, and swept out of the room just as my brother entered it. Laertes fell against a pile of boxes to avoid colliding with him.
I stifled a laugh. But I was glad to see my brother and hoped he would speak kindly to me. He looked fine in a russet traveling cloak thrown over his embroidered doublet. His silk hose set off his strong legs. With his stride he gave the air of a man even more intense and combative than he had been as a boy.
I came out from behind the table and reached out in a tentative way, inviting an embrace. Laertes grasped my hands briefly, holding me away from him.
"Dear sister, before I take my leave I have advice you must heed." His tone spoke of business. I drew back, hurt.
"It regards Prince Hamlet. I have learned that you often meet him in secret, wearing a rustic disguise. I doubt your silly games are merely innocent," he said.
Speechless, I looked down to hide the sudden flush that came over my face. How had Laertes discovered our love?
"Hamlet's blood is hot, and you are fair. Perhaps he says he loves you now, but do not believe him. He cannot choose you, for he is subject to his birth. Nor is your will your own."
I did not wish to hear this irksome lecture.
"Why may I not choose my love? Who will prevent me?" I asked, thrusting my chin out, as I used
"It is nothing, for 'tis common enough that a girl gives her maidenhead to a man," said a worldly voice in my head. It resembled Gertrude commenting upon a tale of love.
"This is no common delight, but a true and lasting love," countered a voice from a book of courtly ideals.
"You are ruined and undone by this sin!" a puritan's voice rebuked. The face of Elnora came to my mind's eye, lamenting the waste of all her teaching.
"No, you are made new by love. A maid no more, but born a woman," said a wiser, more generous voice.
"What's done is done and cannot be undone," came a stern voice like my father's.
"Ah, but what am I to do next?" I wondered aloud.
"Pray that this secret does not come to light," counseled the worldly voice, and ruefully I agreed.
As I debated with myself, a summons came from my father. I wondered what it could mean, for he had ignored me for many months. When I reached his chambers, he was bustling to and fro securing boxes and bundles for my brother's return to France. From the way he tugged at his beard and hemmed in his throat, I knew he had other matters on his mind. I should have knelt before him, but I felt disinclined to show this respect. After all, he had neglected his duty to me. So I stood before the table, waiting for him to speak.
Across from me, my father leaned on the table and asked in a low voice, "What have you observed lately of the queen and Claudius?"
"Nothing, my lord." It was the truth.
"Don't act so innocent, child! Have I not taught you to look closely about you?" he asked, his voice sharp.
"Yes, Father, I keep my eyes guarded," I said, pretending humility. But he seized my chin and lifted it, forcing me to look in his eyes.
"Many think it strange that Claudius has wed his brother's widow with such haste. Tell me what is said in secret among you ladies," he demanded.
Now I was suspicious of my father. What knowledge did he seek and on whose behalf? In fact I knew nothing, for we ladies spoke with caution where our mistress was concerned. I judged it safest to defend Gertrude.
"Why may she not choose her husband? She is accustomed to being the wife of a king and would not be content with less," I said, echoing what I had heard Elnora say before.
Mindful of deeper matters, my father did not mark the defiant tone of my words.
"Some say she was false to King Hamlet," he whispered, leaning closer.
The idea struck me with honor.
"I have seen nothing!" I said. Then I countered boldly, "Why? What do you know?"
My father started back in surprise and pursed his lips. Instead of speaking again, he shook his finger at me, turned, and swept out of the room just as my brother entered it. Laertes fell against a pile of boxes to avoid colliding with him.
I stifled a laugh. But I was glad to see my brother and hoped he would speak kindly to me. He looked fine in a russet traveling cloak thrown over his embroidered doublet. His silk hose set off his strong legs. With his stride he gave the air of a man even more intense and combative than he had been as a boy.
I came out from behind the table and reached out in a tentative way, inviting an embrace. Laertes grasped my hands briefly, holding me away from him.
"Dear sister, before I take my leave I have advice you must heed." His tone spoke of business. I drew back, hurt.
"It regards Prince Hamlet. I have learned that you often meet him in secret, wearing a rustic disguise. I doubt your silly games are merely innocent," he said.
Speechless, I looked down to hide the sudden flush that came over my face. How had Laertes discovered our love?
"Hamlet's blood is hot, and you are fair. Perhaps he says he loves you now, but do not believe him. He cannot choose you, for he is subject to his birth. Nor is your will your own."
I did not wish to hear this irksome lecture.
"Why may I not choose my love? Who will prevent me?" I asked, thrusting my chin out, as I used
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