attention. "I am almost of the age my mother was when she bore me. Do you see me? Do you remember her?" I was careless of my words, wanting to wound him, if he had any tender places left.
He took my wrists and stilled them. His grip was not hard, but his icy look hid from me any tender feelings he might have harbored.
"I would not have you give words or time to Lord Hamlet henceforward," he said in a hard, cold voice that forbade me to defy him again.
I looked down to hide my sadness and my fury. I decided that from this moment on, I would no more be my father's daughter. Yet I would let him think that he still ruled me.
"I will know if you defy me, girl," he warned.
"I shall obey, my lord."
The lie I gave my father was in truth the vow I gave Hamlet. I had given everything to Hamlet. He, not my father, was now my lord.
Chapter 15
Through absence and neglect, the ties that bound me to my father and to Laertes had frayed since I had entered Gertrude's service. Now they had broken altogether, like a rotted rope. Unmoored, a boat upon the open waters, I would steer my own way through the waves. And I would see Hamlet again as often as I pleased.
These were my thoughts as I returned to my room after the confrontation with my father. There I found a message from Hamlet urging me to meet him that day. The hour was almost upon me, so in haste I donned my shepherdess costume. I wondered how Laertes had learned of my disguise and rued the change in my brother, who cared for me less than for his own reputation. I felt the injustice of my father's treatment, who fondly indulged Laertes while cruelly denying me. My lips trembled but I repressed my tears. Why should I care that my father's love was lost, when I had Hamlet's love? I rushed to meet him as if any delay would risk losing him.
Leaving the castle grounds by a roundabout way, I looked back, expecting to see a spy set upon me by my father. But no one followed me. Despite the midday heat, I wore a cloak over my rustic dress as if it were the burden of all my thoughts. I longed yet feared to see Hamlet, remembering our loving words and our embracing on the battlement. Had that night changed everything between us? Would he greet me now as sweetly? Or did he summon me in order to end our love? Heaven forbid it! Yet here I come, like a servant at his beck and call! Perhaps I should speak first and cancel our vows, thereby saving some shreds of honor. So the diverse voices contended within me, and joining them were the scornful ones of Laertes and my father, until I began to believe that I was indeed a foolish girl who had squandered her virtue.
Filled with these doubts, I slowed my steps, reaching the shaded bower between the meadow and the wood. It was a deserted spot that Hamlet and I favored for our meetings. There I unbound my hair and let it fall free, as it pleased Hamlet. The cool air calmed my heated heart. Butterflies darted among the daisies and teasing birds sang from their hidden nests. I spotted Hamlet and Horatio reclining in the shade of a great bush, while their horses grazed on sweet grass nearby. At the sight of me, Horatio rose and took his leave. As he galloped away, Hamlet cried after him, "Make haste in your errand, for remember, I will be shriven today."
I noted his words, for they fed my tortured thoughts. Of what sin would Hamlet repent? Was it the sin of loving me?
"My love, Ophelia, what ails you this fine day?" asked Hamlet, perceiving my troubled mood. I avoided his kiss while he took the cloak from my shoulders and spread it on the grass for me.
I sat down, holding myself stiff and straight. I regarded the smiling Hamlet, who sprawled on the ground with ease. His was not the manner of a lover intending to spurn me. But I chose my words with care from those that would pour from my mouth.
"I have quarreled with my father and Laertes, who suspect our love and doubt your good intentions. They have been watching me. I feel like a deer beset by
He took my wrists and stilled them. His grip was not hard, but his icy look hid from me any tender feelings he might have harbored.
"I would not have you give words or time to Lord Hamlet henceforward," he said in a hard, cold voice that forbade me to defy him again.
I looked down to hide my sadness and my fury. I decided that from this moment on, I would no more be my father's daughter. Yet I would let him think that he still ruled me.
"I will know if you defy me, girl," he warned.
"I shall obey, my lord."
The lie I gave my father was in truth the vow I gave Hamlet. I had given everything to Hamlet. He, not my father, was now my lord.
Chapter 15
Through absence and neglect, the ties that bound me to my father and to Laertes had frayed since I had entered Gertrude's service. Now they had broken altogether, like a rotted rope. Unmoored, a boat upon the open waters, I would steer my own way through the waves. And I would see Hamlet again as often as I pleased.
These were my thoughts as I returned to my room after the confrontation with my father. There I found a message from Hamlet urging me to meet him that day. The hour was almost upon me, so in haste I donned my shepherdess costume. I wondered how Laertes had learned of my disguise and rued the change in my brother, who cared for me less than for his own reputation. I felt the injustice of my father's treatment, who fondly indulged Laertes while cruelly denying me. My lips trembled but I repressed my tears. Why should I care that my father's love was lost, when I had Hamlet's love? I rushed to meet him as if any delay would risk losing him.
Leaving the castle grounds by a roundabout way, I looked back, expecting to see a spy set upon me by my father. But no one followed me. Despite the midday heat, I wore a cloak over my rustic dress as if it were the burden of all my thoughts. I longed yet feared to see Hamlet, remembering our loving words and our embracing on the battlement. Had that night changed everything between us? Would he greet me now as sweetly? Or did he summon me in order to end our love? Heaven forbid it! Yet here I come, like a servant at his beck and call! Perhaps I should speak first and cancel our vows, thereby saving some shreds of honor. So the diverse voices contended within me, and joining them were the scornful ones of Laertes and my father, until I began to believe that I was indeed a foolish girl who had squandered her virtue.
Filled with these doubts, I slowed my steps, reaching the shaded bower between the meadow and the wood. It was a deserted spot that Hamlet and I favored for our meetings. There I unbound my hair and let it fall free, as it pleased Hamlet. The cool air calmed my heated heart. Butterflies darted among the daisies and teasing birds sang from their hidden nests. I spotted Hamlet and Horatio reclining in the shade of a great bush, while their horses grazed on sweet grass nearby. At the sight of me, Horatio rose and took his leave. As he galloped away, Hamlet cried after him, "Make haste in your errand, for remember, I will be shriven today."
I noted his words, for they fed my tortured thoughts. Of what sin would Hamlet repent? Was it the sin of loving me?
"My love, Ophelia, what ails you this fine day?" asked Hamlet, perceiving my troubled mood. I avoided his kiss while he took the cloak from my shoulders and spread it on the grass for me.
I sat down, holding myself stiff and straight. I regarded the smiling Hamlet, who sprawled on the ground with ease. His was not the manner of a lover intending to spurn me. But I chose my words with care from those that would pour from my mouth.
"I have quarreled with my father and Laertes, who suspect our love and doubt your good intentions. They have been watching me. I feel like a deer beset by
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