One Hand Jerking

One Hand Jerking by Paul Krassner

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Authors: Paul Krassner
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(Oregon) Register Guard reported that what sounded to angry residents like a war zone around dawn turned out to be, not a terrorist attack, but rather just another example of the inhumane insanity of the drug war. Police served a search warrant for the alleged growing of marijuana. They enlisted an armored personnel carrier and 45 SWAT team officers armed with shotguns and automatic rifles to raid a cluster of houses.
    But, after throwing flash-bang grenades, kicking in doors, and handcuffing four people—including one nude woman and one woman dressed only in underpants and a T-shirt—for hours in a room in one of the houses, police came up completely empty-handed. The invaders also admitted to having placed a black bag over the head of one of the women until she agreed to cooperate with them. Ah, equality for women at last.
    Lucky she wasn’t pregnant.

BONG WARS: TOMMY CHONG AIN’T THE ONLY ONE
    â€œThe business of America is business,” said Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the United States. No wonder it was the front page of the Los Angeles Times Business section that reported the DEA’s recent cluster of raids on head shops and Internet sites selling drug paraphernalia, an industry estimated to be worth $1 billion a year.
    Several weeks earlier, after tougher laws on paraphernalia went into effect, the California Department of Alcoholic Beverages wanted liquor licenses suspended at ten stores accused of selling “rose tubes”—4-inch-long glass tubes with miniature fake roses—to undercover agents who asked for crack pipes.

    Even before then, the war was already escalating, and generating a ripple effect. One student was suspended from high school because he displayed a banner that said “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” although it occurred on a public sidewalk off school property. And a married couple was arrested for contributing to the delinquency of their teenagers because they gave them bongs for Christmas.
    Consider the case of Chris Hill. In order to avoid a potential 20-year sentence on drug paraphernalia charges, he accepted a plea bargain and agreed to serve 14 months in prison. His firm, Chills, a distributor of pipe and tobacco accessories, had been named in Inc magazine as one of the nation’s 500 fastest-growing companies, and prior to his arrest in August 2001, he was chosen as of of America’s top 500 young businessmen by the National Republican Congressional Committee.
    The DEA seized Chills pipes from three Iowa tobacco shops which also sold pro-marijuana posters and books. Agents next went to Florida, raided Hill’s business and home, handcuffing him in front of two infant daughters. His home and all vehicles were confiscated, he was fined $500,000, lost his warehouse building and manufacturing equipment, and faced bankruptcy.
    The prosecuting U.S. Attorney claimed that Hill’s logo—which features a space alien with the words “World Domination”—was evidence of a criminal conspiracy to take over the world. He responded that the prosecutors had been watching too many James Bond movies, adding sarcastically, “Maybe I should get a little white cat and shave my head.”
    Since 1990, federal law has made drug paraphernalia violators subject to RICO—Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization—and money laundering charges. Jerry Clark and Kathy Fiedler ran a shop called Daydreams, which turned into a nightmare when they were raided by the DEA, U.S. Postal Inspectors, local cops and sheriff ’s deputies—and the RICO act was used against them, so that they faced 10 to 12 years behind bars.
    Under federal law, merely manufacturing, distributing or selling non-traditional pipes is enough evidence to be found guilty of paraphernalia offenses. Authorities insist that companies can no longer protect themselves by posting signs or Internet warnings which indicate that their products are intended for tobacco use

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