musclebound than Nuklear Man himself. Standing next to each other, Norman and Atomik Lad looked like the co-stars of some wacky and particularly ill-conceived buddy comedy that they’d probably call Big Blackie and Tiny Whitey.
“To the Magnomobile!” Atomik Lad gestured with an exaggerated impersonation of Nuklear Man's voice.
MMMM laughed and walked Atomik Lad to the “Magnomobile.” Luckily, it was stowed in one of the closer parking lots. And there it was: a large convertible Cadillac with a bright, sparkling metallic purple paint job. It was the envy of all who looked upon it.
__________
Nuklear Man gasped desperately as he floated among the waves. The battle had been a fierce one.
The Golden Guardian thought he had read somewhere that spiders could only distinguish between light and dark. Since the Sinister Spider had clapped off the lights and the Danger: Reactor Core was thus enshrouded in darkness, Nuklear Man was certain he had the advantage.
He changed his mind when the spider pinned him against a wall and covered him in a cocoon of super tough mutant spider webbing. He struggled against his bonds until he remembered that whole “Plazma Power” thing and burst from the disgusting secretion with a flash of fusion light.
It was like the flash to the camera of Nuklear Man’s mind. That brief moment burned a horrible image into his brain: the spider hovering over him. What happened next made him very happy that he couldn’t see a thing. He felt the huge fangs grapple his shoulders and shove him, head first, into the spider's gaping maw. He could feel the esophageal muscles pulsating to squeeze him down its tract and into its gut. It was less pleasant than it sounds. He heard and felt a burp from the inside. Nuklear Man sat in the belly of the whale of a spider for exactly 1.2 moments before freaking out. If anyone asked, he'd later refer to it as a “strategically random outbreak of violence.” Heroes simply do not “freak out.”
The spider felt a rumbling in its gut. It thought that perhaps humans were too spicy to be eaten whole and considered merely tearing them to shreds when it went on its rampage. It gave out a pained moan as the warm sensation took on a level of severe heartburn before finally reaching all out lava-like proportions. It could smell and taste burning spider flesh from inside itself. This didn’t worry it as much as it perhaps should have, but how was it supposed to know what its own insides tasted like? All its liquids spontaneously vaporized from the intense internal heat.
This had several effects.
1) Steam takes up much more volume than the water it comes from.
2) This caused an explosion that shattered the spider's exoskeleton and splattered hundreds of pounds of cooked spider guts all over the Danger: Reactor Core.
3) That's really disgusting.
4) Nuklear Man clapped the lights back on to only confirm by sight what he knew by touch. He was standing in the cracked open spider’s shell and covered in gooey spider organs from head to toe.
With a girlish—yet Heroic—shriek, he bolted out of the Danger: Reactor Core and tunneled through hundreds of feet of rock before bursting from the earth covered with spider innards that were themselves covered with dirt. A mess of epic proportions needed a bathtub equal to the task and so he sought the ocean. After zooming around and around the water at speeds in excess of 800mph, he at last floated calmly on the water’s still roiling surface. He was exhausted from the cleansing and hoped he’d never have to think about the spider again.
__________
Mighty Metallic Magno Man drove through the streets of Metroville while Atomik Lad leaned back in the passenger seat. City traffic perplexed Atomik Lad to no end. He’d always been a strong proponent of the idea that if God had intended overheroes to drive, he wouldn’t have let them fly. Unlike Atomik Lad, Magno Man came into his powers relatively late in his life, so he
“To the Magnomobile!” Atomik Lad gestured with an exaggerated impersonation of Nuklear Man's voice.
MMMM laughed and walked Atomik Lad to the “Magnomobile.” Luckily, it was stowed in one of the closer parking lots. And there it was: a large convertible Cadillac with a bright, sparkling metallic purple paint job. It was the envy of all who looked upon it.
__________
Nuklear Man gasped desperately as he floated among the waves. The battle had been a fierce one.
The Golden Guardian thought he had read somewhere that spiders could only distinguish between light and dark. Since the Sinister Spider had clapped off the lights and the Danger: Reactor Core was thus enshrouded in darkness, Nuklear Man was certain he had the advantage.
He changed his mind when the spider pinned him against a wall and covered him in a cocoon of super tough mutant spider webbing. He struggled against his bonds until he remembered that whole “Plazma Power” thing and burst from the disgusting secretion with a flash of fusion light.
It was like the flash to the camera of Nuklear Man’s mind. That brief moment burned a horrible image into his brain: the spider hovering over him. What happened next made him very happy that he couldn’t see a thing. He felt the huge fangs grapple his shoulders and shove him, head first, into the spider's gaping maw. He could feel the esophageal muscles pulsating to squeeze him down its tract and into its gut. It was less pleasant than it sounds. He heard and felt a burp from the inside. Nuklear Man sat in the belly of the whale of a spider for exactly 1.2 moments before freaking out. If anyone asked, he'd later refer to it as a “strategically random outbreak of violence.” Heroes simply do not “freak out.”
The spider felt a rumbling in its gut. It thought that perhaps humans were too spicy to be eaten whole and considered merely tearing them to shreds when it went on its rampage. It gave out a pained moan as the warm sensation took on a level of severe heartburn before finally reaching all out lava-like proportions. It could smell and taste burning spider flesh from inside itself. This didn’t worry it as much as it perhaps should have, but how was it supposed to know what its own insides tasted like? All its liquids spontaneously vaporized from the intense internal heat.
This had several effects.
1) Steam takes up much more volume than the water it comes from.
2) This caused an explosion that shattered the spider's exoskeleton and splattered hundreds of pounds of cooked spider guts all over the Danger: Reactor Core.
3) That's really disgusting.
4) Nuklear Man clapped the lights back on to only confirm by sight what he knew by touch. He was standing in the cracked open spider’s shell and covered in gooey spider organs from head to toe.
With a girlish—yet Heroic—shriek, he bolted out of the Danger: Reactor Core and tunneled through hundreds of feet of rock before bursting from the earth covered with spider innards that were themselves covered with dirt. A mess of epic proportions needed a bathtub equal to the task and so he sought the ocean. After zooming around and around the water at speeds in excess of 800mph, he at last floated calmly on the water’s still roiling surface. He was exhausted from the cleansing and hoped he’d never have to think about the spider again.
__________
Mighty Metallic Magno Man drove through the streets of Metroville while Atomik Lad leaned back in the passenger seat. City traffic perplexed Atomik Lad to no end. He’d always been a strong proponent of the idea that if God had intended overheroes to drive, he wouldn’t have let them fly. Unlike Atomik Lad, Magno Man came into his powers relatively late in his life, so he
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