neck. The thought of seeing what Cole looked like now with no shirt on suddenly flashed into my head.
It was just curiosity, I told myself. It didn’t mean anything. I just wanted to compare what he looked like now to the body I had known off by heart as a teenager. I told myself this, but it didn’t stop my heart from fluttering and set my insides squirming.
He carried me into the house and set me down on the seat of one of the chairs at the kitchen table.
“Thanks,” I said, and tried not to miss the feel of his body against mine. “Do you think my dad is all right?”
Cole gestured with his head. “Yeah, he’s still asleep in the other room.”
I wrinkled my nose. “How does his neck look?”
“Pretty sore and bruised, but he’ll survive. What the hell was he doing?”
I sighed and shook my head. “He said he was looking for his keys, but who the hell knows. He might as well have been searching for fairies, he was so out of it.”
Cole frowned. “Does he get like that often?”
I hated talking to Cole about this. Even when we’d been teenagers I’d done my best to hide my dad’s drinking, almost even more than he had. Since my dad had been fired, I figured there wasn’t much point in making a secret of it anymore.
“Too often for my liking,” I admitted.
“Jesus. I’m sorry, Gabi. Like you don’t have enough to deal with.”
I sighed and ran my hand over my face. “Yeah, my life’s just a fucking bed of roses right now.”
“I know the feeling.”
No, I wanted to say. You asked for what happened to you, or at least a large portion of it. I never asked for any of this. You can carry on and live a normal life, but I’m stuck with my disability forever.
He must have noticed my silence. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t want to throw a whole heap of accusations at him now, especially not after he’d just helped me. Plus I carried my own guilt about what had happened back then, and I didn’t want to bring it all up again. I was still bitter from the past, there was no doubt about it, but what I hadn’t realized was that I was also bitter about the future.
“I have an appointment to get my new leg in a couple of days,” I said instead, “but my doctor is never going to fit it with an injury.”
“It might be better by then,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “Even if it’s the slightest scrape, he won’t allow me to even wear my old prosthetic, never mind fit me for a new one. The risk of infection is too high, and if there’s swelling, it won’t even fit.”
“When is it?”
“Eleven on Friday morning.”
Cole frowned. “I’m supposed to be working the lunch shift, but I’ll get it changed.”
“Why would you do that?”
“So I can take you, of course.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need you coming with me, Cole.”
“It doesn’t have to be a need. Sometimes you’re just allowed to just want something.”
I let his words sink in. I hadn’t allowed myself to want anything in a very long time.
Cole walked over to our refrigerator and pulled open the freezer section, and started hunting through it.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking for ice to help with any swelling, and then I’m taking you upstairs and making sure you’re comfortable before I leave you again.”
Leave you again. I tried not to read too much into his words.
“You don’t need to, Cole. You did everything I asked.”
“I’m not leaving you here like this.” He paused and pulled out a cool pack I’d kept in there for exactly this kind of swelling. “Ah-ha. Here we go. Right, now I’m going to carry you upstairs. I assume you’re still in the same bedroom?”
I nodded, my cheeks heating from the memories of all the times we spent in that bedroom. There was nothing quite like that passion of a first love, of exploring each other’s bodies, and for me, my sexuality for the first time. We hadn’t been able to get enough of each other back then. I wondered if he was thinking
It was just curiosity, I told myself. It didn’t mean anything. I just wanted to compare what he looked like now to the body I had known off by heart as a teenager. I told myself this, but it didn’t stop my heart from fluttering and set my insides squirming.
He carried me into the house and set me down on the seat of one of the chairs at the kitchen table.
“Thanks,” I said, and tried not to miss the feel of his body against mine. “Do you think my dad is all right?”
Cole gestured with his head. “Yeah, he’s still asleep in the other room.”
I wrinkled my nose. “How does his neck look?”
“Pretty sore and bruised, but he’ll survive. What the hell was he doing?”
I sighed and shook my head. “He said he was looking for his keys, but who the hell knows. He might as well have been searching for fairies, he was so out of it.”
Cole frowned. “Does he get like that often?”
I hated talking to Cole about this. Even when we’d been teenagers I’d done my best to hide my dad’s drinking, almost even more than he had. Since my dad had been fired, I figured there wasn’t much point in making a secret of it anymore.
“Too often for my liking,” I admitted.
“Jesus. I’m sorry, Gabi. Like you don’t have enough to deal with.”
I sighed and ran my hand over my face. “Yeah, my life’s just a fucking bed of roses right now.”
“I know the feeling.”
No, I wanted to say. You asked for what happened to you, or at least a large portion of it. I never asked for any of this. You can carry on and live a normal life, but I’m stuck with my disability forever.
He must have noticed my silence. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t want to throw a whole heap of accusations at him now, especially not after he’d just helped me. Plus I carried my own guilt about what had happened back then, and I didn’t want to bring it all up again. I was still bitter from the past, there was no doubt about it, but what I hadn’t realized was that I was also bitter about the future.
“I have an appointment to get my new leg in a couple of days,” I said instead, “but my doctor is never going to fit it with an injury.”
“It might be better by then,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “Even if it’s the slightest scrape, he won’t allow me to even wear my old prosthetic, never mind fit me for a new one. The risk of infection is too high, and if there’s swelling, it won’t even fit.”
“When is it?”
“Eleven on Friday morning.”
Cole frowned. “I’m supposed to be working the lunch shift, but I’ll get it changed.”
“Why would you do that?”
“So I can take you, of course.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need you coming with me, Cole.”
“It doesn’t have to be a need. Sometimes you’re just allowed to just want something.”
I let his words sink in. I hadn’t allowed myself to want anything in a very long time.
Cole walked over to our refrigerator and pulled open the freezer section, and started hunting through it.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking for ice to help with any swelling, and then I’m taking you upstairs and making sure you’re comfortable before I leave you again.”
Leave you again. I tried not to read too much into his words.
“You don’t need to, Cole. You did everything I asked.”
“I’m not leaving you here like this.” He paused and pulled out a cool pack I’d kept in there for exactly this kind of swelling. “Ah-ha. Here we go. Right, now I’m going to carry you upstairs. I assume you’re still in the same bedroom?”
I nodded, my cheeks heating from the memories of all the times we spent in that bedroom. There was nothing quite like that passion of a first love, of exploring each other’s bodies, and for me, my sexuality for the first time. We hadn’t been able to get enough of each other back then. I wondered if he was thinking
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