No More Us for You by David Hernandez

drink.
    â€œOh, this is going to be good ,” Isabel said.
    â€œScrew it. Tell ’em everything.” Snake waved his hand around like a magician after performing a trick.
    â€œThis happened last year, in Ms. Wagner’s health class,” I began. “Me and Snake sat next to each other in the back.”
    â€œWhat’s your real name, by the way?” Vanessa asked.
    â€œJeffrey,” Snake said.
    I reached over with my cup and motioned for Snake to fill it. “So anyway, Ms. Wagner was showing us this video on snakebites, about what steps to take if you’re ever bitten by a poisonous snake. The dramatizations were so lame.”
    Snake unscrewed the thermos. “They were really lame.Remember the park ranger with the knee-high socks?”
    â€œDon’t interrupt,” Vanessa said, poking. “Go on, Carlos.”
    â€œIt was pretty hysterical. I mean, they had this guy hobbling back to his campsite, wincing. Then he showed his friend his leg and the snakebite looked so phony, like someone made two dots with a red felt pen.” I took a sip from my cup. “Me and Snake were laughing, everyone’s laughing, and Ms. Wagner was getting mad, shushing us. Then the video switched to these color photographs of untreated snakebites.”
    â€œIt was gnarly,” Snake said.
    â€œThey showed these hands that were all swollen and black. The fingers looked like burnt sausages.”
    Vanessa twisted up her face. “Gross.”
    â€œOne of the photos was of this dude’s leg, his calf,” I continued. “It was fat and purple and all shiny like an eggplant. Then they showed the same leg split open during surgery and we got to see what the poison had done to the muscle. Really nasty stuff.”
    â€œIt sounds like it,” Isabel said.
    I took another sip. “In the corner of my eye I see Snake lean my way, like he wants to whisper something to me. Next thing I know— Wham! —he’s on the floor.”
    Isabel covered her mouth. “Oh my God.”
    â€œYou fainted?” Vanessa asked.
    â€œYeah,” Snake said shyly.
    â€œHey, I fainted on a hike once.”
    â€œAll right.” Snake made a fist and held it in front of Vanessa. “Fist bump,” he said.
    Vanessa tapped Snake’s fist softly with her own and giggled.
    â€œAnyway, someone hit the lights and there was Snake sprawled out on the floor. All of a sudden, there was a wet spot on the crotch of his jeans, getting bigger and bigger.”
    â€œAw, poor baby wet his diaper,” Vanessa teased.
    Snake nodded sheepishly.
    â€œMs. Wagner kneeled at his side and all the students crowded around. Eventually Snake came to, like he was waking from a big nap.”
    â€œI was so damn confused,” Snake said. “I didn’t knowhow the hell I ended up on the floor.”
    â€œThen what happened?” Vanessa asked, sipping her drink.
    â€œHe sat back down on his chair and started to rub his noggin, like this.” I demonstrated, sliding my palm across my forehead. “Then Ms. Wagner asked me to walk him to the school nurse.”
    â€œPoor you,” Vanessa said, caressing Snake’s arm. She turned to me. “Weren’t you scared when it happened?”
    â€œYeah,” I said. “But when he woke up, then it was funny as shit.”
    â€œWhat a friend,” Snake said.
    Vanessa rubbed Snake’s arm again. “Are you wearing Huggies now?”
    Everyone laughed but Isabel. She was looking out the car window, across the parking lot, her eyes frozen on some faraway object. I tried to figure out what it was that held her attention, but there was nothing out there but a row of houses sunk in darkness and a lone streetlamp’s yellow halo.
    â€œWow, that’s a great story,” Vanessa said. She turnedaround in her seat. “Right, Isabel?”
    She kept staring out the window.
    â€œIs,” Vanessa said.
    Still