New Forever by Yessi Smith Page A

the world that have it worse than me.” I try to smile at my own stupid joke but fail when I meet Max’s serious eyes. “The doctor’s at the hospital made me realize that while I had lost one of the most important people in my life, at least I’d had her. Now, when I think about Hannah, I don’t think about her death or her last year on earth where I ignored and belittled her. I remember us as kids and how in synch we were with one another. I remember her goodness, even in her death, she made sure I knew I was loved and wasn’t to blame for her sickness. But the main thing they taught me was to fight. I can’t give up every time I’m faced with a challenge that upsets me. There’s no special ointment that will ease the pain of losing Hannah, but there’s strength in the pain. I use that strength to help me move forward whenever I want to give up.”
    “But depression still sets in. We’ve been together for two years, I’ve seen you when it hits you.”
    I’m almost ashamed to hear Max’s words, but there’s no shame with my illness—just strength and perseverance.
    “Is this what this is all about, Max?” I question him, irritated that he can make me feel like less of a human being. “There’s no cure for depression, so if you can’t handle it, then walk away. I won’t fight you, but at least have the balls to admit you’re not man enough to handle me.”
    “No.” He shakes his head adamantly at me. “It’s not like that. It’s just when I tell you and you leave me, I want to know you’ll be alright.”
    I roll my eyes, frustrated with him, but I try to rein it in so I can make him understand.
    “I was coming into my own when we met,” I explain to him. “You turned my world upside down and gave me something to look forward to. Whatever you’re hiding, we’ll get through it. So you can take your nobility and shove it down your throat until you choke on it.” I smile at him for emphasis, but the grim look on his face never wavers.
    “My parents had a direct hand in killing Hannah.”
    I stare back at him, my eyes widening when I fully understand his words and the world around me spins uncontrollably.
     

I cover Hayley’s cold hands with my own, trying to bring warmth back into her shivering body. Fear consumes me when I realize I want her to prove me wrong. I want to believe we’ll pull through this, that she won’t leave me.
    “I didn’t know, Hayley. I swear I didn’t know.”
    “Didn’t know what exactly?” she asks slowly, her eyes focusing on my face.
    “My dad was dating Hannah,” I tell her but she shakes her head in denial. “They were together for months. My mom knew about them the whole time, but she never said anything. They acted normal, I didn’t know about it until Hannah…” I trail off, not able to say the words. “I heard my parents talking about her in the kitchen so I listened in. I had heard about her and was curious if they knew why she…” I look back at Hayley nervously. “Why she…”
    “Why she killed herself,” Hayley finishes for me.
    “Yeah,” I sigh. “I stormed in when my dad admitted that he’d led her to believe that he’d leave my mom for her. She was only sixteen.” I shake my head, still angry with my father for not only being unfaithful to my mom, but also for leading a young girl on. He might not have known that his actions would lead to her death, but he was smart enough to know what he was doing was wrong. A sixteen year old girl, for Christ’s sake! When he had a family of his own. “She thought she was in love with a man who would keep his word.”
    “She never told me.” Hayley looks back at me through red eyes and I pull her close to me, needing to comfort her. “I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone. She was with your dad?” She furrows her eyebrows at me in question and I want to take back my words. Tell her I’m lying, and that this is all one big hoax.
    “My mom tried to calm me down by telling me