Never Say Never by Victoria Christopher Murray

with their rings. Upgrade to what? Nothing would ever be as special as this ring. This ring that Chauncey had purchased with just the little bit of money that he’d saved from his first job as an EMT. Yes, this ring was far from the biggest diamond I’d ever seen, but it had been given to me by the biggest heart I’d ever known.
    So how was my heart supposed to keep beating without that kind of love?
    It had been three days since I lost him, and really, the fact that I was still breathing was a wonder to me. I was functioning, and there was only one reason why I was able to go on—Jamal.
    Through it all, Jamal had been by my side. First, on Wednesday, he sat next to me and Mama Cee at the funeral home as we chose Chauncey’s casket, picked out the program, selected the flowers, and discussed how many police escorts we’d need.
    Then yesterday, he was there again, explaining all the legal papers and filling out the insurance forms. He made every call, mailed every claim; there was nothing I had to do. Even last night as the house filled with family, friends, church members, and Chauncey’s fellow firefighters, Jamal stood next to me, meeting and greeting because I found it too hard to speak. He was there, even though Emily had to work. He was there, so I didn’t feel so alone.
    But it was last night, when Pastor Ford asked all of us to pray, that I was truly grateful for Jamal. Even though I didn’t think there was any point in praying, I had joined the circle, bowed my head, and listened to Pastor pray. It was hard to stand there, though, as emotions rose up in me. All I wanted to do was scream out and demand answers from God. But right when I parted my lips, a hand closed around mine. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was Jamal. I could feel his strength and that kept me calm.
    Jamal was wonderful, but he was not Chauncey. And the first tears of the day rolled down my cheek.
    The knock on my bedroom door relieved me from my thoughts and when my mother-in-law peeked in, I wiped my tears away.
    â€œI’m just checking on you before Charlie and I get going,” Mama Cee said.
    â€œGet going? What time is it?” I glanced at the clock. “Oh, my God. I have to get the boys.” I made my move, but my mother-in-law held up her hand.
    â€œStay in bed. The boys are good, I made them breakfast.”
    â€œWhy didn’t they wake me up?”
    â€œWe told them not to,” Mama Cee said, as she sat on the edge of the bed.
    I leaned back against the headboard. “I can’t believe I slept this late.”
    â€œEight-thirty is not late.” Mama Cee chuckled. “And you need to rest so that you can be strong for your sons.”
    â€œMama Cee, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever be strong again.”
    She patted my hand. “I know it seems impossible right now. The days look dark and the nights are even more bleary. But I can promise you, as a woman who lost the love of her life all those years ago, you do make it through. One day, you’ll think about Chauncey and you’ll smile before you cry.”
    I blinked, but that didn’t stop my tears. “Here you are comforting me, and I should be doing that for you.”
    â€œJust being here with you and the boys gives me comfort.”
    â€œI know, but I have to remember that you’re hurting, too.”
    She nodded. “A mother is never supposed to bury her child. But I just hold on to the Lord and boldly demand that He hold on to me.”
    Her words made me fold my arms across my chest.
    â€œGo back to sleep,” Mama Cee said. “Charlie’s going to dropme off at Leah’s,” she added, referring to the beauty salon where she’d been going for almost thirty years before she moved to Arizona. Every time she came to LA, Mama Cee went to the shop, since she claimed that no one in Arizona could get her hair right. “And then,” Mama Cee