for you.”
“You should have seen the look on my mom’s face when I told her that I thought her boyfriend was hot. Of course it’s not true, he’s a disgusting pig, but the look on her face was priceless.”
I flop down my stomach, feet dangling in the air. “That’s hysterical!”
Charlie sighs. “I miss you.”
“You can’t even imagine how much I miss you too. You are going to be such a sight for sore eyes.”
“Any word from Kally? I could so use some of her optimism right now.”
I shake my head, knowing full well he can’t see it. “She texted me a picture of her doing yoga at sunrise on the beach. Something about Florida having the ultimate hot yoga or something.”
He chuckles. “Only Kally would be doing hot yoga instead of sunbathing while on vacation in Florida.”
I snort out a laugh, but don’t reply. Instead, I nervously begin picking lint off of my blanket as the silence between us grows heavy.
“So you ready to tell me what’s wrong?” Charlie asks. He knows me too well.
I squirm, pulling at a thread on my pajama pants trying to figure out where to even begin. “Yes. No. UGH! I don’t even know where to start. I should wait until you get here.”
“Will you at least give me an idea about what’s going on? Boys? Drugs? You’re pregnant? Give me something to work with here. No judging, you know that.”
I roll over to my back and stare at the ceiling. “I think I’m in a lot of trouble. Big-time trouble.”
Charlie doesn’t respond right away. I may be snarky, but I don’t get into real trouble much, so I know he’s surprised by my statement. He exhales a slow, deep breath. “Start at the beginning.”
My mouth opens, but no words come out. All of a sudden, all I can picture is Charlie at the other end of the barrel of that gun as Nicky Calotta fires. I can’t risk it. I can’t put Charlie in danger, even if he is hundreds of miles away.
I sigh. “It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have asked you to come. I don’t want you to get into trouble with your family.”
Charlie huffs. “Reagan Margaret Wilcox, you are the absolute worst liar. You called me bawling your eyes out, so no, it’s not nothing.”
“It’s just…” I want to. I really want to tell him. But I know Charlie too well. He’ll be on the next bus here if I tell him what happened. “I can’t say...”
“I’m coming. Whatever it is you think you’re protecting me from, don’t bother. I’ll be there in twenty-four hours so you might as well—”
“Yet. But I will.” Charlie’s adamant declaration made up my mind. “I just need more time to figure things out. And over the phone is not the way to tell this story. I promise, as soon as you get here.”
“One day, Reagan. That’s what I’m giving you to get your shit together before I get down there and force it out of you. And you know very well that my skinny black ass will be all up in your grill until you do.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. Just listening to the even cadence of his breath calms my jangled nerves. “So who got kicked of Project Runway this week?”
“Ugh. That show drives me crazy. I swear those experts wouldn’t know talent if it threw up on them. So there’s this amazing designer named…”
He goes on for ten minutes, explaining every conversation and piece of family drama before moving on to a guy he’s been chatting with on Grindr named Benny. He hasn’t met him yet, but he’s convinced it’s this guy on the soccer team at his old school who’s still in the closet. By the time we hang up, my head is lighter and my heart is fuller. Talking to Charlie works every time.
I turn out the light and snuggle under the warmth of my blankets. In the silence, my mom’s words drift into my head again and I try to shove them aside. I end up picturing Marco and the look in his eyes just before he left this morning. No matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt.
MOM AND I are drinking coffee and
“You should have seen the look on my mom’s face when I told her that I thought her boyfriend was hot. Of course it’s not true, he’s a disgusting pig, but the look on her face was priceless.”
I flop down my stomach, feet dangling in the air. “That’s hysterical!”
Charlie sighs. “I miss you.”
“You can’t even imagine how much I miss you too. You are going to be such a sight for sore eyes.”
“Any word from Kally? I could so use some of her optimism right now.”
I shake my head, knowing full well he can’t see it. “She texted me a picture of her doing yoga at sunrise on the beach. Something about Florida having the ultimate hot yoga or something.”
He chuckles. “Only Kally would be doing hot yoga instead of sunbathing while on vacation in Florida.”
I snort out a laugh, but don’t reply. Instead, I nervously begin picking lint off of my blanket as the silence between us grows heavy.
“So you ready to tell me what’s wrong?” Charlie asks. He knows me too well.
I squirm, pulling at a thread on my pajama pants trying to figure out where to even begin. “Yes. No. UGH! I don’t even know where to start. I should wait until you get here.”
“Will you at least give me an idea about what’s going on? Boys? Drugs? You’re pregnant? Give me something to work with here. No judging, you know that.”
I roll over to my back and stare at the ceiling. “I think I’m in a lot of trouble. Big-time trouble.”
Charlie doesn’t respond right away. I may be snarky, but I don’t get into real trouble much, so I know he’s surprised by my statement. He exhales a slow, deep breath. “Start at the beginning.”
My mouth opens, but no words come out. All of a sudden, all I can picture is Charlie at the other end of the barrel of that gun as Nicky Calotta fires. I can’t risk it. I can’t put Charlie in danger, even if he is hundreds of miles away.
I sigh. “It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have asked you to come. I don’t want you to get into trouble with your family.”
Charlie huffs. “Reagan Margaret Wilcox, you are the absolute worst liar. You called me bawling your eyes out, so no, it’s not nothing.”
“It’s just…” I want to. I really want to tell him. But I know Charlie too well. He’ll be on the next bus here if I tell him what happened. “I can’t say...”
“I’m coming. Whatever it is you think you’re protecting me from, don’t bother. I’ll be there in twenty-four hours so you might as well—”
“Yet. But I will.” Charlie’s adamant declaration made up my mind. “I just need more time to figure things out. And over the phone is not the way to tell this story. I promise, as soon as you get here.”
“One day, Reagan. That’s what I’m giving you to get your shit together before I get down there and force it out of you. And you know very well that my skinny black ass will be all up in your grill until you do.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. Just listening to the even cadence of his breath calms my jangled nerves. “So who got kicked of Project Runway this week?”
“Ugh. That show drives me crazy. I swear those experts wouldn’t know talent if it threw up on them. So there’s this amazing designer named…”
He goes on for ten minutes, explaining every conversation and piece of family drama before moving on to a guy he’s been chatting with on Grindr named Benny. He hasn’t met him yet, but he’s convinced it’s this guy on the soccer team at his old school who’s still in the closet. By the time we hang up, my head is lighter and my heart is fuller. Talking to Charlie works every time.
I turn out the light and snuggle under the warmth of my blankets. In the silence, my mom’s words drift into my head again and I try to shove them aside. I end up picturing Marco and the look in his eyes just before he left this morning. No matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt.
MOM AND I are drinking coffee and
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