have a ripple effect.
When bad things happen we are often comforted in knowing that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. But if these things are not assured, we become increasingly fearful and concerned.
Scenario
You suspect an employee of stealing. You can threaten to fire him, in which case he may weigh his options and decide that you may never find out the truth. However, if you said . . .
Sample question formation: "Smith, at any time should I discover that you've been lying to me about this, I will have your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your car. There will be no good-byes. I'll march you right out of here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business community—try getting a job with this hanging over your head. You'll be completely through."
You then ask him to come clean now and offer him the option of a transfer to another part of the company so you can both put this behind you. This last sentence is called an easy-out clause and is talked about more in part 6.
S I L V E R BULLET 11
I Couldn't Care Less
A primary law governing human nature is that we all have a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought of as unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant.
Take away a person's belief that he has value and he'll do just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. If he feels that you don't care that he's lying to you, he will want to know—better, he needs to know—why you're so cavalier and dispassionate. Did you expect something like this from him? Do you know something that he doesn't?
Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelings for you? Do you plan on seeking retribution or revenge? When you show emotion, you show that you care. Your apathy toward the situation will unnerve him immensely. He will begin to crave recognition and acceptance, in any form. He needs to know you care what happens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will. Some examples of what you can say are as follows: Sample question formation A: "I know and I just don't care. This is not for me."
Sample question formation B: "I've got other things to think about. Maybe we'll talk some other time."
Sample question formation C: "You do what you have to do, that's fine with me."
When you ignore a person you usually do not make eye contact. However, in this situation, you want to make an instant impact, and engaging him in direct eye contact does this best. To make this even more powerful, stare at him. In our culture, as in most, staring is often dehumanizing. We stare at things that are on display, such as caged animals. When you stare at someone he often feels less significant and will seek to reassert his value.
These attack sequences should do the job quite nicely.
However, if you're still not getting the answers you want, it's time for the advanced techniques in part 5.
Remember to read this section through carefully before using any of these techniques.
P A R T
3
T A C T I C S F O R D E T E C T I N G
D E C E I T A N D G A T H E R I N G
I N F O R M A T I O N IN C A S U A L
C O N V E R S A T I O N S
"Truth is the first casualty of civil discourse." —
DAVID J. LIEBERMAN
Now what about those times when you're not quite sure if someone is lying to you, but a full-fledged interrogation is out of the question? Here are some excellent ways to gather more information without being obvious.
GENERAL CONVERSATIONS
1 . A s k - a - F a c t
During the conversation simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your suspicion. This causes the person you are questioning to recall information. If he spoke the truth, then he will answer you quickly and effortlessly. If he was lying, your clues to deceit will let you know. Most important, note how long it takes him to call up the information. If he's lying, he'll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be
When bad things happen we are often comforted in knowing that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. But if these things are not assured, we become increasingly fearful and concerned.
Scenario
You suspect an employee of stealing. You can threaten to fire him, in which case he may weigh his options and decide that you may never find out the truth. However, if you said . . .
Sample question formation: "Smith, at any time should I discover that you've been lying to me about this, I will have your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your car. There will be no good-byes. I'll march you right out of here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business community—try getting a job with this hanging over your head. You'll be completely through."
You then ask him to come clean now and offer him the option of a transfer to another part of the company so you can both put this behind you. This last sentence is called an easy-out clause and is talked about more in part 6.
S I L V E R BULLET 11
I Couldn't Care Less
A primary law governing human nature is that we all have a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought of as unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant.
Take away a person's belief that he has value and he'll do just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. If he feels that you don't care that he's lying to you, he will want to know—better, he needs to know—why you're so cavalier and dispassionate. Did you expect something like this from him? Do you know something that he doesn't?
Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelings for you? Do you plan on seeking retribution or revenge? When you show emotion, you show that you care. Your apathy toward the situation will unnerve him immensely. He will begin to crave recognition and acceptance, in any form. He needs to know you care what happens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will. Some examples of what you can say are as follows: Sample question formation A: "I know and I just don't care. This is not for me."
Sample question formation B: "I've got other things to think about. Maybe we'll talk some other time."
Sample question formation C: "You do what you have to do, that's fine with me."
When you ignore a person you usually do not make eye contact. However, in this situation, you want to make an instant impact, and engaging him in direct eye contact does this best. To make this even more powerful, stare at him. In our culture, as in most, staring is often dehumanizing. We stare at things that are on display, such as caged animals. When you stare at someone he often feels less significant and will seek to reassert his value.
These attack sequences should do the job quite nicely.
However, if you're still not getting the answers you want, it's time for the advanced techniques in part 5.
Remember to read this section through carefully before using any of these techniques.
P A R T
3
T A C T I C S F O R D E T E C T I N G
D E C E I T A N D G A T H E R I N G
I N F O R M A T I O N IN C A S U A L
C O N V E R S A T I O N S
"Truth is the first casualty of civil discourse." —
DAVID J. LIEBERMAN
Now what about those times when you're not quite sure if someone is lying to you, but a full-fledged interrogation is out of the question? Here are some excellent ways to gather more information without being obvious.
GENERAL CONVERSATIONS
1 . A s k - a - F a c t
During the conversation simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your suspicion. This causes the person you are questioning to recall information. If he spoke the truth, then he will answer you quickly and effortlessly. If he was lying, your clues to deceit will let you know. Most important, note how long it takes him to call up the information. If he's lying, he'll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be
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