should be excited for my opportunity to put all
that I had learned to constructive use.
Mr. Petty was an
idiot. In each session with him, I wished I could jerk him out of his chair and
slap him around until he understood me. I wanted him to acknowledge what the
foster care and juvenile justice systems did to me before Stockwell, and then I
wanted him to admit that he didn't believe the detention center's bullshit
boast that it caused positive changes in every boy paroled from there. Instead
of helping me in any meaningful way, Stockwell fed and fanned the anger already
smoldering within me when I arrived there.
When I left Stockwell,
I was not reformed, rehabilitated, corrected, or cured. I was an angry,
distrustful, selfish survivor, and I preferred to be a friendless loner. Although
some people would disagree, in my mind, I was not a bully who randomly took his
anger out on other kids. The people likely to see my rage were the ones who treated
me unfairly, invaded my privacy, cheated me, touched my things, or if they were
especially dumb, touched me without permission. Upon my release, I
struggled to fight for my rights and to defend myself without seriously
violating my parole terms to the extent that the court ordered me back to juvie
prison.
***
Hal and Jenny
Mackey, a husband and wife team in their mid thirties, were the live-in house
parents of Tolley House. They were educated and trained in social work, and
both of them had ten years of experience with child services before they took
their positions with the group home for "troubled" boys. My first
impression of the Mackeys was that they were average people from their looks to
their behavior. Their views on most subjects were moderate which led most
people in Harper Springs to see them as a liberal white couple. The Mackeys
preferred to be called "progressive." Once I knew them well enough, I
thought Hal and Jenny were decent, fair, and predictable.
As house
parents, the Mackeys closely followed state guidelines in their operation of
the home, and I believe that each boy received every dime of care that the state
provided. I never knew of a boy who lacked any basic need, such as nutritious
food, weather appropriate clothing, proper medical care, or a warm bed. There
were times when Jenny even spent her own money to buy something for one of the
boys that was not included in the home's budget.
Hal and Jenny
turned out to be the best foster parents that I ever had, but initially, we
didn't get along so well which leads me to what I call, "The Battle of
Harper Park."
During my twice-weekly
trips to my counseling sessions with Mr. Petty and his observer, one of my
house parents would drive me past the older part of Harper Park on the way to
and from the counselor's office. I first heard about the park from my Tolley
House foster brothers who often hung out there after school and on weekends. When
school dismissed for the summer, usually all of the boys, with the exception of
me, would leave the house after breakfast each morning and walk to the park
where they would stay until time for dinner that evening. I wanted to go, but
the Mackeys declared that I was not ready. Each day, the other boys told me
that they had a great time in the park, and since I initially didn't get along
with any of them, they enjoyed torturing me with stories of their fun.
For two months, I
begged my guardians to give me permission to walk alone to Harper Park and
spend the day there, as the other boys did. Hal and Jenny maintained that they
would not allow me off the grounds without supervision until they deemed that
it was the right time, which was always another week or two into the future. They
informed me that one day soon, they would allow me to go to the park, as long
as I promised to walk with my foster brothers and remain with them the entire
time, which was not what I wanted. Each time I discussed the park with
the Mackeys, they made me so angry that I had to force myself to get
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