away from
them before I had a meltdown that would send me back to Stockwell.
The park was
less than a mile from Tolley House, and by adding information from my foster
brothers to what I saw from the minibus, I knew the potential recreation that
the park held for me. There was a jogging trail running through the wooded area
and an oval asphalt track next to the playing fields. In the past, the two
large fields were where the town's kids had played baseball and football in the
city recreation league. Since a new sports complex for the recreation
department had been built at the opposite end of the park, the old fields were
left for the neighborhood kids to play pickup games.
It wasn't that I
wanted to join in the other kids' games so much, but I did want out of
the house. I wanted the freedom to enjoy the park any way I wanted, and I
needed a daily escape from Tolley House and the depressing reality of my life.
For two years in
Stockwell, the only time I spent outdoors was an hour each day in the juvie prison's
red clay exercise yard, which was surrounded by a fence, twenty feet high with double
rows of razor wire at the top. Two years of living no better than a caged
animal had been an eternity to me, and I was not much better off with my
confinement to the Tolley House property. In a way, it was worse. In Stockwell,
there had been no group of boys laughing at me when they left me behind to
enjoy their day in the park.
Instead of
viewing a visit to the park as the privilege my house parents called it, I saw
it as my right to do the same as my foster brothers, and the day came when I refused
to have my request brushed aside again with vague promises. I decided to have a
final showdown with Hal and Jenny, and I was prepared to get as ugly as
necessary. I asked them for a private meeting, and they read my mood well
enough not to aggravate me by delaying it. They were well aware of my anger
issues.
When we all sat
down in Tolley House's small office, I took deep breaths and spoke calmly. I told
the Mackeys exactly what I thought, but I did so in a respectful manner.
I explained that
I deserved the same freedoms as my foster brothers, and I did not need the
other boys to accompany me as chaperones or tattlers. I didn't want their
company at all, just as they didn't want mine. It wasn't fair that the Mackeys
allowed the other boys to walk to the park and spend the day while they confined
me to the house and yard. I argued that if the state had not thought that I
could behave as well as the other boys, they wouldn't have released me to
Tolley House. I had been unjustly punished for two years, and there was no good
reason that the Mackeys should continue to punish me by denying my request for
an activity that was routine for the other boys. I promised that I would not
cause trouble. I would simply walk to the park, keep to myself, and return by
dinner, the same time as the other boys.
My house parents
began their tiresome speech about my anti-social behavior, which caused them to
worry about my possible aggressive reactions to others in public. They told me
that I needed time to polish my social skills and adjust to life outside of
Stockwell, and until I did, they were afraid I might handle some situations poorly.
Mr. Petty, my
counselor, had informed them that so far, my twice-weekly sessions had been a
complete waste of state money because I revealed nothing with my short, nonsensical
responses and took delight in knowing that my head games frustrated him. He
added that I still refused to show any remorse for the behavior that sent me to
Stockwell. The Mackeys further reminded me that I continued to reject their
efforts to help me become part of the Tolley House family, and that I purposely
alienated the other boys.
It was true that
I avoided the other boys, but there was much more to the story. At the time, the
Mackeys were either unaware of any trouble, or they were afraid to ask
questions that might force them to confront
them before I had a meltdown that would send me back to Stockwell.
The park was
less than a mile from Tolley House, and by adding information from my foster
brothers to what I saw from the minibus, I knew the potential recreation that
the park held for me. There was a jogging trail running through the wooded area
and an oval asphalt track next to the playing fields. In the past, the two
large fields were where the town's kids had played baseball and football in the
city recreation league. Since a new sports complex for the recreation
department had been built at the opposite end of the park, the old fields were
left for the neighborhood kids to play pickup games.
It wasn't that I
wanted to join in the other kids' games so much, but I did want out of
the house. I wanted the freedom to enjoy the park any way I wanted, and I
needed a daily escape from Tolley House and the depressing reality of my life.
For two years in
Stockwell, the only time I spent outdoors was an hour each day in the juvie prison's
red clay exercise yard, which was surrounded by a fence, twenty feet high with double
rows of razor wire at the top. Two years of living no better than a caged
animal had been an eternity to me, and I was not much better off with my
confinement to the Tolley House property. In a way, it was worse. In Stockwell,
there had been no group of boys laughing at me when they left me behind to
enjoy their day in the park.
Instead of
viewing a visit to the park as the privilege my house parents called it, I saw
it as my right to do the same as my foster brothers, and the day came when I refused
to have my request brushed aside again with vague promises. I decided to have a
final showdown with Hal and Jenny, and I was prepared to get as ugly as
necessary. I asked them for a private meeting, and they read my mood well
enough not to aggravate me by delaying it. They were well aware of my anger
issues.
When we all sat
down in Tolley House's small office, I took deep breaths and spoke calmly. I told
the Mackeys exactly what I thought, but I did so in a respectful manner.
I explained that
I deserved the same freedoms as my foster brothers, and I did not need the
other boys to accompany me as chaperones or tattlers. I didn't want their
company at all, just as they didn't want mine. It wasn't fair that the Mackeys
allowed the other boys to walk to the park and spend the day while they confined
me to the house and yard. I argued that if the state had not thought that I
could behave as well as the other boys, they wouldn't have released me to
Tolley House. I had been unjustly punished for two years, and there was no good
reason that the Mackeys should continue to punish me by denying my request for
an activity that was routine for the other boys. I promised that I would not
cause trouble. I would simply walk to the park, keep to myself, and return by
dinner, the same time as the other boys.
My house parents
began their tiresome speech about my anti-social behavior, which caused them to
worry about my possible aggressive reactions to others in public. They told me
that I needed time to polish my social skills and adjust to life outside of
Stockwell, and until I did, they were afraid I might handle some situations poorly.
Mr. Petty, my
counselor, had informed them that so far, my twice-weekly sessions had been a
complete waste of state money because I revealed nothing with my short, nonsensical
responses and took delight in knowing that my head games frustrated him. He
added that I still refused to show any remorse for the behavior that sent me to
Stockwell. The Mackeys further reminded me that I continued to reject their
efforts to help me become part of the Tolley House family, and that I purposely
alienated the other boys.
It was true that
I avoided the other boys, but there was much more to the story. At the time, the
Mackeys were either unaware of any trouble, or they were afraid to ask
questions that might force them to confront
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