it was probably all just a ploy to hang onto John.
Our life was quickly falling apart at the seams. But worse was to come. The next few days were the most dreadful time I had ever lived through. For all her faults, I could never have imagined being anywhere else but with Mum. She was a terrible parent who had no idea of the difference between right and wrong, and no idea how to protect her children, but in her own warped way I think she loved us. Certainly we loved her. Throughout all the awfulness we had been through, Mum had been there, even if she didn’t really have any idea how to care for us and let us down on a daily basis. I had no idea that we were going to lose her too, until one wet spring day shortly after Terry was arrested.
And despite all I had been through in my nine short years, that has stayed in my memory as the most horrendous time of all.
It was about two weeks after Terry had gone, and life was just beginning to get back to normal. School had finished and Tanya and I had made our way home through the back alley and onto our street. That’s when we spotted the police cars in front of our house. We weren’t too worried at first - they’d been back a few times since they’d taken Terry, because of the disturbances between Mum and the neighbours
But as we got nearer I knew something wasn’t right. Nanna was there with her arm around Mum, who was crying and shouting. There must have been five or six other people gathered in the front garden: a couple of police officers and a few others we didn’t know. Then I saw that Jamie was there, and a strange man was standing next to him with his arm around his shoulders.
Tanya began to run towards them and, suddenly feeling very scared, I followed, chasing her and yelling at her to wait for me. But she was too fast. She tore up the street and into the garden, where she headed towards Mum, who by this time was becoming completely hysterical. But before Tanya could reach her, a lady I didn’t know and a policewoman grabbed hold of her and held her back.
When I got there I stopped at the bottom of the path, confused and frightened and unsure what to do. Then I saw Anna Smithson. She smiled at me, but she looked uncomfortable and I could tell she was hiding something.
Mum was still shouting, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying, only our names, which she called out again and again. I ran towards her, but Anna stepped forward and stopped me.
I burst into tears. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was sure it was something very bad. ‘What’s happening, Mum?’ I screamed. Tanya, Jamie and I were all being held back by the people in the garden and we were looking at Mum, desperate for her to tell us what it was all about, but she just continued to cry and scream.
Anna leaned down towards my ear and spoke gently. ‘Come on, Louise, it’s time to go, sweetheart.’
Go? Go where? What was she talking about? I was becoming frantic.
‘Mum,’ I called, pulling away from Anna. ‘What’s happening? Mum, please.’
‘They’re taking you away from me, they’re taking you all away from me,’ she shouted, her voice breaking.
At that moment my heart seemed to explode, sending shock waves through my small body. I started to tremble violently and to sob so hard my throat hurt. What had we done? Why were we being taken away?
It seemed as though we were being punished twice - once by Terry and now by the social services, who had decided to take us away from our mum. Years later I was able to understand that they felt it was in our best interests. But the way they did it was brutal and insensitive. And what they didn’t know, because they had never asked me, was that I could take all the beatings, all the sexual abuse, all the loneliness and neglect, the daily put downs and the lack of love and affection, but I couldn’t bear being taken away from Mum. This was my home and my family and
Our life was quickly falling apart at the seams. But worse was to come. The next few days were the most dreadful time I had ever lived through. For all her faults, I could never have imagined being anywhere else but with Mum. She was a terrible parent who had no idea of the difference between right and wrong, and no idea how to protect her children, but in her own warped way I think she loved us. Certainly we loved her. Throughout all the awfulness we had been through, Mum had been there, even if she didn’t really have any idea how to care for us and let us down on a daily basis. I had no idea that we were going to lose her too, until one wet spring day shortly after Terry was arrested.
And despite all I had been through in my nine short years, that has stayed in my memory as the most horrendous time of all.
It was about two weeks after Terry had gone, and life was just beginning to get back to normal. School had finished and Tanya and I had made our way home through the back alley and onto our street. That’s when we spotted the police cars in front of our house. We weren’t too worried at first - they’d been back a few times since they’d taken Terry, because of the disturbances between Mum and the neighbours
But as we got nearer I knew something wasn’t right. Nanna was there with her arm around Mum, who was crying and shouting. There must have been five or six other people gathered in the front garden: a couple of police officers and a few others we didn’t know. Then I saw that Jamie was there, and a strange man was standing next to him with his arm around his shoulders.
Tanya began to run towards them and, suddenly feeling very scared, I followed, chasing her and yelling at her to wait for me. But she was too fast. She tore up the street and into the garden, where she headed towards Mum, who by this time was becoming completely hysterical. But before Tanya could reach her, a lady I didn’t know and a policewoman grabbed hold of her and held her back.
When I got there I stopped at the bottom of the path, confused and frightened and unsure what to do. Then I saw Anna Smithson. She smiled at me, but she looked uncomfortable and I could tell she was hiding something.
Mum was still shouting, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying, only our names, which she called out again and again. I ran towards her, but Anna stepped forward and stopped me.
I burst into tears. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was sure it was something very bad. ‘What’s happening, Mum?’ I screamed. Tanya, Jamie and I were all being held back by the people in the garden and we were looking at Mum, desperate for her to tell us what it was all about, but she just continued to cry and scream.
Anna leaned down towards my ear and spoke gently. ‘Come on, Louise, it’s time to go, sweetheart.’
Go? Go where? What was she talking about? I was becoming frantic.
‘Mum,’ I called, pulling away from Anna. ‘What’s happening? Mum, please.’
‘They’re taking you away from me, they’re taking you all away from me,’ she shouted, her voice breaking.
At that moment my heart seemed to explode, sending shock waves through my small body. I started to tremble violently and to sob so hard my throat hurt. What had we done? Why were we being taken away?
It seemed as though we were being punished twice - once by Terry and now by the social services, who had decided to take us away from our mum. Years later I was able to understand that they felt it was in our best interests. But the way they did it was brutal and insensitive. And what they didn’t know, because they had never asked me, was that I could take all the beatings, all the sexual abuse, all the loneliness and neglect, the daily put downs and the lack of love and affection, but I couldn’t bear being taken away from Mum. This was my home and my family and
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