Mrs. Roopy Is Loopy! by Dan Gutman Page A

library?”
    â€œMaybe it just grew in here over the summer,” guessed Michael.
    â€œTrees don’t grow in libraries,” said Andrea, as if she knows anything about trees.

    â€œThey must have built it,” said Emily.
    â€œYou don’t build trees, dumbhead,” I told Emily,and she looked all hurt like she was going to cry.
    The tree wasreally cool. Some of us started to climb it, but Miss Daisy said we had to get off because it was time for library period to start.

    â€œWhere’s the new librarian?” Ryanasked. We were all looking around, but we didn’t see Mrs. Roopy anywhere.
    Then, suddenly, that army guy with the wig poked his head out of the tree house. He came down the ladder. I think it was a he, anyway. He looked a little like a lady dressed like an army guy.
    When he got to the bottom, the army guy with the wig stood all straight and proud at attention. He gave us a salute.
    â€œAre you Mrs. Roopy?” I asked.
    â€œCertainly not,” the army guy said. “My name is George Washington. I am the first president of the United States and father of our country.”

3
George Washington’s Teeth
    I’m no dumbhead. My mom told me that George Washington had wooden teeth. So this army guy with the wig couldn’t be George Washington unless he had wooden teeth.
    â€œIf you’re really George Washington, let’s see your teeth,” I said. The army guy with the wig reached into his pocket andpulled out a set of teeth. Then he wound a little thing on it and the teeth started chattering up and down in his hand.
    Emily took one look at the teeth and ran out of the room crying. That girl cries at anything.
    â€œWow!” I said. “Maybe he is George Washington. Those teeth are cool! I wish I had wooden teeth.”
    â€œYou can’t fool me,” Andrea Young said. “You’re not George Washington. You’re Mrs. Roopy, the new librarian, dressed up to look like George Washington. You’re supposed to read stories to us and help us use the computers.”
    â€œComputers?” George Washington said, his forehead all wrinkly. “I don’t knowwhat you’re talking about, young lady. This is the year 1790. Computers haven’t been invented yet.”

    No matter what we said, the army guy with the wig insisted that he was really George Washington. He read us a story about when he was a boy and he chopped down a cherry tree. Then he showed us a bunch of books about the United States. All through library period, the army guy with the wig said that he was GeorgeWashington. After a while, we started calling him George Washington.
    â€œGeneral Washington,” I asked, “may I go to the bathroom?” Everybody laughed even though I didn’t say anything funny. Kids think anything to do with bathrooms is funny. If you want to make your friends laugh, all you have to do is stick your face in their face and say either “bathroom” or “underwear.” It works every time.
    â€œI’m sorry,” George Washington said. “This is the year 1790. Bathrooms have not been invented yet.”
    It wasn’t an emergency or anything, so I waited. We were allowed to check out any book we wanted from the library. I took out a book about jet fighter planesbecause it had cool pictures in it.
    For a president, this George Washington guy seemed to know a lot about finding books in the library and checking them out.
    It was time to go to lunch. We all had to salute George Washington as we left the library.
    â€œHey, how come you chopped down that cherry tree, anyhow?” I asked him as we left the library.
    â€œI cannot tell a lie,” he said. “I needed some wood for my wooden teeth.” Then he showed us his chattering teeth again. I’m still not sure if that army guy with the wig was George Washington or not. But he was weird.

4
Dumbheads
    I took a seat in the lunchroom next to Ryan