Mrs. Roopy Is Loopy! by Dan Gutman

1
That Army Guy
    My name is A.J. and I hate school.
    If you ask me, they shouldn’t teach kids how to read and write in school. They shouldn’t teach math. They should teach kids how to do tricks on their bikes. That’s what I want to learn! But my teacher, Miss Daisy, thinks reading andwriting and math are really important for some reason.
    Miss Daisy told us to write a story for homework and draw a picture to go with it. We read the stories out loud the next day in class.

    Andrea Young, who thinks she knows everything, made up a story about a family of flowers who were sad because it was cloudy outside. Then the sun came out and theflowers got happy again.
    It was a really dumb story, if you ask me. Flowers aren’t happy or sad. They just sit there and do nothing. They don’t even have families! But Miss Daisy kept telling Andrea how great the story was.

    My story was about these giant man-eating monsters fighting on trick bikes inouter space until they were all dead. I drew cool pictures to go with it. Emily, this girl with red hair, said my story was scary. But Emily thinks everything is scary.
    Miss Daisy said I had a good imagination, but she asked me if next time I could try to write a story that didn’t have so much violence in it.
    â€œWhat’s violent about giant man-eating monsters fighting on trick bikes in outer space?” I asked. Everybody laughed even though I didn’t say anything funny.
    Andrea said maybe I could have the man-eating monsters make up at the end of the story and tell each other they were sorry.
    â€œMonsters don’t apologize!” I said.Everybody knows that. Andrea doesn’t know anything about monsters.

    We were arguing about it when all of a sudden some funny-looking guy marched into our classroom. He was all dressed upin a fancy army uniform. He had a white wig on his head and a sword in his hand.
    â€œTo be prepared for war is the best way to keep the peace!” the army guy said. Then he marched out of the classroom.
    â€œWho was that?” asked my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes no matter how many times he trips over the laces.
    â€œBeats me,” I said.
    â€œWas that Principal Klutz?” asked my other friend Ryan, who sits next to me in the third row.
    â€œI don’t know who it was,” Miss Daisy said, “but he is heading for the library. We’d better go check it out! Okay, second graders. Single file!”

2
The Librarian
    Michael was the line leader. Andrea was the door holder. We went to the library, which is brand-new and didn’t even exist last year when we were in first grade. They built it over the summer to replace the junky old library we used to have.
    A library is the part in the school where they have hundreds of books that youcan bring home with you. You don’t even have to pay for them. And it’s not even illegal! The only problem is you have to bring the books back after you’re done reading them.
    My friend Billy around the corner, who was in second grade last year, told me that if you don’t bring back your library books on time, the librarian locks you in a dungeon under the school. I’m not sure I believe him.
    â€œOur new librarian is Mrs. Roopy,” Miss Daisy told us as we lined up in the hallway outside the library. “Everybody be on your best behavior so you’ll make a good impression on her.”
    â€œI’m always on my best behavior,” saidAndrea Young. She made a big dopey smile at Miss Daisy. Andrea is so annoying. If somebody told her to be on her worst behavior, she wouldn’t know what to do.
    When we went into the new library, we were shocked. Right in the middle of the room was a giant tree! It had a big tree house at the top near the ceiling and a ladder going up to it.
    â€œWhat’s with the tree?” I asked.
    â€œBeats me,” said Ryan. “How do you think they got it into the