Mr. Sunny Is Funny! by Dan Gutman

1
Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    My name is A.J. and I hate school.
    But I don’t care about school anymore. You know why? Because last week I graduated from second grade at Ella Mentry School. And third grade doesn’t start until September.
    You know what that means?
    That’s right! It’s summertime! I don’t have to worry about school for THREE WHOLE MONTHS!
    Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Before school ended my teacher, Mrs. Daisy, told us to write about our favorite season. We had to read our essays in front of everybody.
    â€œMy favorite season is spring,” wrote Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. “The sun is out. Flowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. Butterflies flit to and fro. It fills me with joy and happiness.”
    I hate Andrea.
    What is her problem? Everybody knows the best season of all is summer. That’s the first rule of being a kid! Summer blows the doors off the other seasons.
    You know why summer is so great? Because you don’t have to sit still all day. You don’t have to pledge the allegiance or have circle time or learn the Word of the Day. You don’t have to line up in ABC order and walk in single file. Teachers don’t yell at you, and you can’t be sent to the principal’s office. There’s no disgusting cafeteria food to eat. You don’t have to read books. No homework! You don’t have to learn stuff.
    My brain hurts from so much thinking all year long. In second grade I thought my head was gonna explode from thinking too much.
    During the school year, you have to go to bed early and get up early. In the summer you can stay up late and get up late. The sun stays out until nine o’clock at night. How does it know to do that? I guess the sun likes summer, too.
    Summer is like three months of recess! You can have water balloon fights, eat saltwater taffy, and play football on the beach. And you don’t have to wear a coat or gloves. You can wear flip-flops and shorts with holes in them. Ice creamtastes better. And you don’t have to take as many showers because you can go swimming. I love swimming. I’m a great swimmer. In the summer you can swim all day.
    Plus, in the summer when you get sunburned, you can peel off your skin!
    What’s cooler than peeling off your own skin?
    But here’s the number one reason why summer is the best season: I don’t have to see Andrea Young for THREE WHOLE MONTHS!

    Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Three months is 12 weeks. That’s 12 whole weeks with no Andrea!
    I got a calculator for Christmas, and I figured it out. Twelve weeks times 7 days in a week is 84 days.
    That’s 84 days with no Andrea!
    And 84 days times 24 hours in a day is 2,016 hours.
    That’s 2,016 hours with no Andrea!
    And 2,016 hours times 60 minutes in an hour is 120,960 minutes.
    That’s 120,960 minutes with no Andrea!
    And 120,960 minutes times 60 seconds in a minute is 7,257,600 seconds. *
    That’s more than 7 million seconds with no Andrea!
    Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And I’m going to enjoy every one of them.

2
Hitting the Beach
    This summer, my parents rented a beach house. We were gonna share it with my cousins, but they couldn’t come. So we’ll have a big beach house all to ourselves!
    The day after school ended, we packed up the car and drove a million hundred miles to the ocean.
    â€œI can’t wait to hit the beach,” I said, looking out the car window.
    I had to sit in the back with my sister, Amy, who is going into sixth grade. She’s annoying, but not as annoying as Andrea.
    â€œYou’d better watch out for the sand monster, A.J.,” my sister said.
    Sand monster? I never heard of a sand monster.
    â€œThere’s no such thing as a sand monster,” I said.
    â€œOh, yes there is,” Amy told me. “He’s a zombie who lives under the sand.