Mr. Sunny Is Funny! by Dan Gutman Page B

summer?”

    â€œIt was gonna be a great summer,” I said, “but then you showed up.”
    â€œThat’s not nice, Arlo!”
    â€œNeither is your face,” I told Andrea.
    My mother told me to be a gentleman and carry Andrea’s suitcase upstairs for her.
    â€œWhat do you have in here, rocks?” I asked.
    â€œNo, silly,” Andrea said. “Books! It’s my summer reading. Every summer I set a goal for myself. This year my goal is to read the complete works of Shakespeare.”
    â€œYou’re gonna read about a guy who shakes a spear?” I asked.
    â€œWilliam Shakespeare is the most famous writer in history!” Andrea said. “If you opened a book once in a while, you’d know that, Arlo.”
    â€œHey, I opened a book once,” I said. “And then I closed it.”
    â€œWhy?” she asked.
    â€œBecause there were words inside.”
    Andrea picked up one of her dumb Shakespeare books and started reading out loud:
    â€œâ€˜To be, or not to be, that is the question:
    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
    Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
    And by opposing end them.’”
    â€œIsn’t that lovely, Arlo?” Andrea asked.
    â€œ Zzzzzzzzzz, ” I said, pretending to be asleep.
    That Shakespeare guy made no sense at all. The question isn’t to be or not to be. I’ll tell you what the question is. Do you want ice cream or cake? That is the question. Trick biking or skateboarding? That is the question. TV or video games? That is the question. Would it be better ifa piano or an elephant fell on Andrea’s head? That is the question.
    Andrea lined up her dumb books on a shelf in ABC order.
    â€œHey, maybe we can read together on the beach, Arlo!” Andrea said. “What did you bring for summer reading?”
    Summer reading?! What is her problem? “Summer” and “reading” are two words that should never be put together in the same sentence. The only reading I brought was a comic book that I finished in the car. It was about a superhero named Mold Man who can turn his body into any shape. He’s cool. I bet Mold Man would kickShakespeare’s butt.
    Andrea’s mom said we could go to the beach as long as we came back in time for lunch. Then we’d have to wait an hour before we went swimming again. Mothers always make you wait an hour after you eat before you can go swimming. Nobody knows why. I guess sharks can smell the food in your stomach and will eat you to get it.
    I showed Andrea how to get to the beach. The backhoe was gone, but Mr. Sunny was out there working on his big pile of sand. He was concentrating so hard that he didn’t even notice us.
    â€œWho’s that boy?” Andrea asked.
    â€œThat’s Mr. Sunny, the lifeguard,” I told her.
    â€œHe’s a hunk!” Andrea whispered.
    â€œA hunk of what?” I asked.
    â€œHe’s dreamy!”

    Andrea had on a zombie face. Her mouth was open, and she was making goo-goo eyes at Mr. Sunny.
    Ugh, disgusting! *

4
Mr. Sunny Is Weird
    Mr. Sunny had a baseball cap on his head and earphones in his ears. He was working very hard on his sand castle, using a plastic shovel to carve the walls. Finally, he noticed me and Andrea watching him.
    â€œHi, A.J.!” he said. “Who’s your girlfriend?”
    â€œShe’s not my girlfriend,” I said.
    â€œI’m not his girlfriend,” Andrea said.
    â€œWell, who’s your friend that’s a girl?” asked Mr. Sunny.
    â€œShe’s not my friend, either,” I told him. “Friends are people you like. This is Andrea.”
    â€œCharmed,” Andrea said, all giggly. She did one of those courtesy things girls do. “I love your sand castle!”
    What a brownnoser! As soon as Andrea started talking to Mr. Sunny, she acted like I wasn’t even