significant stress.
I ’ ll get it figured out. ” I was purposely vague. Mom was good
at ferreting things out of me.
“ Is
it anything you can talk to me about? ” she asked, and I knew she
wanted to help, but she knew the rules, too.
I shook my head. “ Not without breaking patient
confidentiality. It does have something to do with me personally, though. I ’ m just not sure how to deal with
it. ”
“ Can
you tell me anything without naming names, so it won ’ t break confidentiality? I just
want to help if I can. I don ’ t like to see my pretty girl
suffering. ”
Biting my lip, I considered what I could say.
Technically the thing I was having a hard time with had nothing to do with Zane
being in recovery, just the fact that I was seeing him every day and my guilty
conscience wouldn ’ t let me rest because of the secret
I carried.
I was a stickler for rules, however, never discussing
my patients with my parents — or anyone outside of work.
Everything I did was strictly on a need to know basis and through proper
channels. Privacy was a big important issue.
“ I ’ m not sure I can say anything right
now, Mom. I want to, though. I need to be able to talk to someone about all
this. I ’ m just so confused right now. ” Curling the end of my ponytail
around my finger, I toyed absently with my hair as I tried to think of a
solution. “ Let me see if I can get permission
to talk to you about this first. Maybe we could do dinner together tomorrow
after I get off work? ”
“ That
works for me. And if you can ’ t talk about it, just know that I ’ m here for you whenever you need
me. Even if it ’ s just to lend a shoulder for you
to lean on. ”
“ Thanks,
Mom. You ’ re the best. ” I meant every word. Despite our
differences when I ’ d first moved to LA, my parents
hadn ’ t been able to stay away long. I ’ d called my mom when I ’ d gone into labor and told them
where I was and what had happened between Zane and me. She and my dad had
rushed to my side, desperate to mend fences and help out.
Seeing their new grandson had been the final thing to
help repair our relationship. Since I had no desire to return to Montana, they
went home and sold their farm and moved here so they could help me out. Mom had
watched the baby while I ’ d gone to nursing school to get my
license. Several years later, I had the opportunity to buy the house right next
door to theirs. It worked out great for them to pick Dustin up from school
every day and watch him for me until I could get home. We were a strong family
unit, but now all that was hanging in the balance again.
I had no idea how Zane would react to finding out he
had a son. What if he was angry? What if he tried to sue me for custody? The
guy was obviously well off. Certainly he could buy the best attorney around, if
he didn ’ t own him — or her — already. The whole idea terrified
me. I couldn ’ t lose Dustin. He was everything to
me. Just the thought of losing him was enough to send me straight into a panic
attack.
As if on cue, the door burst open and my darling son
came running through the door. “ Mom! ” he
shouted excitedly. “ Grandpa took me to fly his new
airplane! It was awesome! ”
Laughing, I held my arms out. “ That sounds like great fun! Come
give me a hug, you stinker. I ’ ve missed you so much today! ” He launched himself into my arms,
squeezing me tightly and I kissed the top of his buzzed, brown hair, which was
more the color of Zane ’ s hair than it was mine. “ How was school today? ”
“ Good.
I already got my homework done. Grandma made me do it before I could go to the
park. ”
“ Good
for Grandma, ” I replied, glancing briefly
at her and smiling. “ Go grab your things and let ’ s go home and make some dinner. I ’ m starving. ”
“ Okay! ” Releasing me, he quickly ran from
the room.
“ Best
kid on the planet, ” my mom said with a grin. “ We sure are lucky, aren ’ t we?
I ’ ll get it figured out. ” I was purposely vague. Mom was good
at ferreting things out of me.
“ Is
it anything you can talk to me about? ” she asked, and I knew she
wanted to help, but she knew the rules, too.
I shook my head. “ Not without breaking patient
confidentiality. It does have something to do with me personally, though. I ’ m just not sure how to deal with
it. ”
“ Can
you tell me anything without naming names, so it won ’ t break confidentiality? I just
want to help if I can. I don ’ t like to see my pretty girl
suffering. ”
Biting my lip, I considered what I could say.
Technically the thing I was having a hard time with had nothing to do with Zane
being in recovery, just the fact that I was seeing him every day and my guilty
conscience wouldn ’ t let me rest because of the secret
I carried.
I was a stickler for rules, however, never discussing
my patients with my parents — or anyone outside of work.
Everything I did was strictly on a need to know basis and through proper
channels. Privacy was a big important issue.
“ I ’ m not sure I can say anything right
now, Mom. I want to, though. I need to be able to talk to someone about all
this. I ’ m just so confused right now. ” Curling the end of my ponytail
around my finger, I toyed absently with my hair as I tried to think of a
solution. “ Let me see if I can get permission
to talk to you about this first. Maybe we could do dinner together tomorrow
after I get off work? ”
“ That
works for me. And if you can ’ t talk about it, just know that I ’ m here for you whenever you need
me. Even if it ’ s just to lend a shoulder for you
to lean on. ”
“ Thanks,
Mom. You ’ re the best. ” I meant every word. Despite our
differences when I ’ d first moved to LA, my parents
hadn ’ t been able to stay away long. I ’ d called my mom when I ’ d gone into labor and told them
where I was and what had happened between Zane and me. She and my dad had
rushed to my side, desperate to mend fences and help out.
Seeing their new grandson had been the final thing to
help repair our relationship. Since I had no desire to return to Montana, they
went home and sold their farm and moved here so they could help me out. Mom had
watched the baby while I ’ d gone to nursing school to get my
license. Several years later, I had the opportunity to buy the house right next
door to theirs. It worked out great for them to pick Dustin up from school
every day and watch him for me until I could get home. We were a strong family
unit, but now all that was hanging in the balance again.
I had no idea how Zane would react to finding out he
had a son. What if he was angry? What if he tried to sue me for custody? The
guy was obviously well off. Certainly he could buy the best attorney around, if
he didn ’ t own him — or her — already. The whole idea terrified
me. I couldn ’ t lose Dustin. He was everything to
me. Just the thought of losing him was enough to send me straight into a panic
attack.
As if on cue, the door burst open and my darling son
came running through the door. “ Mom! ” he
shouted excitedly. “ Grandpa took me to fly his new
airplane! It was awesome! ”
Laughing, I held my arms out. “ That sounds like great fun! Come
give me a hug, you stinker. I ’ ve missed you so much today! ” He launched himself into my arms,
squeezing me tightly and I kissed the top of his buzzed, brown hair, which was
more the color of Zane ’ s hair than it was mine. “ How was school today? ”
“ Good.
I already got my homework done. Grandma made me do it before I could go to the
park. ”
“ Good
for Grandma, ” I replied, glancing briefly
at her and smiling. “ Go grab your things and let ’ s go home and make some dinner. I ’ m starving. ”
“ Okay! ” Releasing me, he quickly ran from
the room.
“ Best
kid on the planet, ” my mom said with a grin. “ We sure are lucky, aren ’ t we?
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