him, sitting so still and stiff, as though bracing himself for a blow and I felt the tears well in my eyes. No matter what, if I said the words waiting on the tip of my tongue, there would be no going back.
"Promise you won't laugh," I said, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm certain whatever Tawnya told you is no laughing matter, Mairin."
"No, I suppose not," I admitted. "She...Tawnya...thinks you're a vampire."
"And what do you think, Mairin?" When he didn't immediately laugh and deny my accusation, hope trickled out of my soul.
"I think...I think you're the most wonderful person I've ever met."
He smiled sadly. "That isn't all you think," he said. "Ask me, Mairin. Ask me the question that makes your eyes shine with tears."
"Are you?"
"Am I what? You have to say the word or you will never believe my answer."
I took a deep breath and looked into Mathias' eyes. I wished I could drown in the black pools staring back at me. The eyes I had come to love so easily were so blank now, icy and closed to me. What had I done? Realizing I'd already gone too far to turn back, I blurted out, "Are you a vampire, Mathias?"
He never blinked nor shifted his eyes from mine. "Yes."
***
"Mairin, open your eyes, please." Mathias' voice broke through the darkness, calling me back to the light.
"Tell me I dreamed it," I said stupidly.
"I promised I would always endeavor to tell you the truth, Mairin, so I cannot tell that lie."
"Oh God," I moaned. "You really are a...a...."
"A vampire. Yes."
I realized I was cradled against Mathias' chest and that we both sat on the kitchen floor. The cool electric current that jumped between us made me want to cling to him and run away at the same time.
"Were you planning to tell me anytime soon?" I asked.
"Not this soon, no, but I knew eventually I would have to be open with you."
I pushed at his shoulder, struggling to get up. Mathias silently released me, remaining on the floor while I backpedaled to the kitchen table. He rose slowly and backed away from me, his arms outstretched.
"I won't hurt you, Mairin," he said softly. The pain in his voice snapped my head up from my contemplation of the table top. I could see his attempt to be nonthreatening was costing him.
"I know that," I said. "I just need some space. I need to think. I need..."
"Of course." Distance, as icy as it was deep, flooded into his voice.
The ache in my chest blossomed and I clutched the edge of the kitchen table until my arms shook. Why was he always so reasonable when I was emotional? How could he remain so calm when I felt my world shattering around me? "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. What do you do when the person you love says, 'Oh by the way, I'm a vampire,'?"
"Most sane people would say goodbye, Mairin. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you did."
"No."
He lifted an eyebrow. "No?"
"No, most sane people would still be passed out on the kitchen floor, not standing here having a perfectly reasonable conversation with you."
His laugh was abrupt and bitter. "Yes, I suppose that is true."
I sat down at the table and watched the waves for a few minutes. Mathias was a vampire. Did that mean every one of the dreams I'd had of the past had been his memories? Could his life really consist of nothing but the hunt and the crushing remorse? And what did this revelation mean for us? My soul still cried out in agony each time I considered leaving Mathias. How could I walk away from a love like this and survive? And would he let me go? Could he let me go? Did he feel for me the depth of love I felt for him? Would it destroy his soul as it would mine to be separated from me? I had too many questions, but no answers. I had to have answers. When I turned to find Mathias, he was sitting next to me.
"At least tell me it's not as bad as all the movies and books make it out to be," I said.
"I wish I could, but I cannot tell that lie either." Mathias lay his hand on the
"Promise you won't laugh," I said, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm certain whatever Tawnya told you is no laughing matter, Mairin."
"No, I suppose not," I admitted. "She...Tawnya...thinks you're a vampire."
"And what do you think, Mairin?" When he didn't immediately laugh and deny my accusation, hope trickled out of my soul.
"I think...I think you're the most wonderful person I've ever met."
He smiled sadly. "That isn't all you think," he said. "Ask me, Mairin. Ask me the question that makes your eyes shine with tears."
"Are you?"
"Am I what? You have to say the word or you will never believe my answer."
I took a deep breath and looked into Mathias' eyes. I wished I could drown in the black pools staring back at me. The eyes I had come to love so easily were so blank now, icy and closed to me. What had I done? Realizing I'd already gone too far to turn back, I blurted out, "Are you a vampire, Mathias?"
He never blinked nor shifted his eyes from mine. "Yes."
***
"Mairin, open your eyes, please." Mathias' voice broke through the darkness, calling me back to the light.
"Tell me I dreamed it," I said stupidly.
"I promised I would always endeavor to tell you the truth, Mairin, so I cannot tell that lie."
"Oh God," I moaned. "You really are a...a...."
"A vampire. Yes."
I realized I was cradled against Mathias' chest and that we both sat on the kitchen floor. The cool electric current that jumped between us made me want to cling to him and run away at the same time.
"Were you planning to tell me anytime soon?" I asked.
"Not this soon, no, but I knew eventually I would have to be open with you."
I pushed at his shoulder, struggling to get up. Mathias silently released me, remaining on the floor while I backpedaled to the kitchen table. He rose slowly and backed away from me, his arms outstretched.
"I won't hurt you, Mairin," he said softly. The pain in his voice snapped my head up from my contemplation of the table top. I could see his attempt to be nonthreatening was costing him.
"I know that," I said. "I just need some space. I need to think. I need..."
"Of course." Distance, as icy as it was deep, flooded into his voice.
The ache in my chest blossomed and I clutched the edge of the kitchen table until my arms shook. Why was he always so reasonable when I was emotional? How could he remain so calm when I felt my world shattering around me? "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. What do you do when the person you love says, 'Oh by the way, I'm a vampire,'?"
"Most sane people would say goodbye, Mairin. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you did."
"No."
He lifted an eyebrow. "No?"
"No, most sane people would still be passed out on the kitchen floor, not standing here having a perfectly reasonable conversation with you."
His laugh was abrupt and bitter. "Yes, I suppose that is true."
I sat down at the table and watched the waves for a few minutes. Mathias was a vampire. Did that mean every one of the dreams I'd had of the past had been his memories? Could his life really consist of nothing but the hunt and the crushing remorse? And what did this revelation mean for us? My soul still cried out in agony each time I considered leaving Mathias. How could I walk away from a love like this and survive? And would he let me go? Could he let me go? Did he feel for me the depth of love I felt for him? Would it destroy his soul as it would mine to be separated from me? I had too many questions, but no answers. I had to have answers. When I turned to find Mathias, he was sitting next to me.
"At least tell me it's not as bad as all the movies and books make it out to be," I said.
"I wish I could, but I cannot tell that lie either." Mathias lay his hand on the
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