More than Just Sex by Ali Campbell

and turning on some of your favourite music all the way up to drown it out… but what ifyou don’t have an iPod, and what if the thoughts, images and sounds are on the inside not the outside?
    Closing your eyes isn’t going to help, and neither is playing music.
    The source of your fear is in your mind not on the screen.
    So, what’s the quickest way to take the pain away?
    First, recognize that unless it is actually happening right NOW (in which case reading this at the same time would be an odd choice) then whatever is scaring you is not real. It might feel real, but it is just as much a construct in your mind, as the movie is the construct in the creative minds of the studio bosses that made it. Those thoughts are just thoughts. The first thing to do that will instantly take the scary ‘strings’ out of the movie is to realize that it is just that: a movie and all fake. The blood is fake and the lead actress was paid two million dollars to scream like that. It’s not real. As soon as you shatter your own suspension of disbelief, that emotional impact disappears in a heartbeat, too.
    The second step is not to drown out your response with something else but to simply turn it off . If you turn it off, you automatically go back to being OK. Being OK is, in fact, your default setting. You don’t need to do anything to be OK. OK is what happens when you do less, not more. You weren’t scared before you went to the movies, were you? Turn it off, and in a heartbeat you go right back to your natural default setting of being absolutely fine.
    How cool will it be when you can do that for yourself in your mind? When you can switch off your mental movies and just enjoy being OK.
    This is where your inner robust confidence starts, from your own innate wellbeing and sense of self. It’s also where I completely fall out with the whole positive-thinking and ‘motivation’ movement.
    Now, I am all for being positive, and totally believe that we create, manifest, attract (call it what you will) what we deserve into our lives. But, I have also learned this:
    We do not need to DO anything to be happy. Happiness and confidence are what happens when we do less, not more; when we try easier not harder; when we stay out of our own way for long enough we tend to do great.
    To be read in your best Scottish accent…
    It’s time to let yourself GOOOW!!! Get Out Of Own Way.
    What would happen if you saw the hot girl at the bar but had no negative scary thoughts in your head? You’d be fine, right? How many times have you had ‘nothing to say’ then thought of tons to say as soon as she’s walked away?
    No amount of positive affirmations, chants, rituals, self-help books or psychological tips and tricks can ‘make’ you happy. If you allow yourself to ‘be’ then you are already happy. It’s much, much easier than you think.
    Headwork
    Who would you be if you weren’t worried? Who would you be if you weren’t caught up and pulled out of shape by the random limiting thoughts in your head?
    You’d still be you, right? But you’d be a first-class, confident, relaxed and happier version of you. In fact, you’d be that naturally confident guy that you’ve always wanted to be. Who knew that you were really him already on the inside, and that all you had to do was less not more? Now you know how. Being happy, relaxed and confident is always about doing less, not more. It’s what automatically happens when you stop hurting yourself by engaging with your thinking and the movies created by your thoughts in your mind.
    Now I’d like you to do a little exercise. Read this next section, and then close your eyes. I want to show you something, but you have to close your eyes to see it, because what I want to show you is on the inside. It’s something that’s been there all along, but you’ll never have noticed it before.
    Disengage from your thoughts
    Set a timer for two minutes. It can be the one on your phone for ease but just set a