Moments in Time by Karen Stivali

gotta go.” I squeezed past Tim and Eric, headed straight for the door to the auditorium, and didn’t look back.
    A light rain was coming down, and I didn’t have a jacket. I didn’t care. I was already chilled from head to toe with a mix of fear and dread. Only my face was hot. My cheeks still blazed from the thought that Tim could have seen what happened. What would he say? What would he do? Would he tell everyone? Then I thought about Tanner. Oh shit. What have I done? He kissed me, and I ran away like some scared little kid. I didn’t want people to know, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want him. I always wanted him. Shame stung my face for a different reason. I’d probably hurt him. The one person who’s ever accepted everything about me. The person I’m most myself with and happiest when I’m around. And I just ran out on him, leaving him to explain to our friends.
    I’m a total asshole.
    Should I go back? That would be even worse. Besides, he shouldn’t have done that. He knows better. He’s not out here either. Does he want to be? Is that how he planned on letting people know? Jesus.
    By the time I got back to our room, I was soaked to the skin. Needing to concentrate on something normal, I turned on the shower, letting it run until it steamed, then stripped and climbed in. Cold had permeated straight through to my bones. I stood under the spray, not moving until I started to feel the heat seeping in. My muscles started to relax, and my mind let go of the endless loop of negative chatter. I’d just finished rinsing off the soap when I heard our door slam.
    He’s home.
    I waited several minutes longer than I needed to be in the shower, wondering if maybe he’d come join me. He was probably cold too, unless it had stopped raining. Even then he might be. I knew he liked showering with me. Maybe that was what we needed. Some time to relax together and forget what just happened.
    My skin was starting to prune, and there was still no sign that Tanner was coming into the bathroom, so I shut off the water and grabbed my towel. The closet door slammed, and I heard drawers being opened and closed with way more vigor than was required. What the fuck?
    Wrapping the towel around my waist, I ventured into the room. Tanner had his suitcase on the bed, and it was already half full of clothes. Fear settled in my chest. “What are you doing?”
    “I’m going home….” He paused for so long, I had the horrifying feeling he meant forever. “For the weekend.”
    “Oh. Okay.” I don’t know why I said that. It wasn’t okay. The last thing in the world I wanted was for him to leave, especially if we were fighting. I ran my hand through my wet hair, hoping he’d say something.
    He didn’t look at me. He threw two pairs of socks into his bag and brushed past me into the bathroom, returning a second later with his toothbrush and toothpaste, which also disappeared into his bag.
    “Tanner, I’m sorry I stormed out. I just… shit… you can’t….”
    “I can’t what? Kiss the guy I like during a movie? Sorry, Collin. Didn’t mean to be so offensive.”
    I flinched. “It wasn’t offensive. Fuck. What if someone saw?”
    “What if they did?” His eyes met mine, dark and passionate and so full of fire, I couldn’t look away.
    I swallowed hard, hoping my heart wouldn’t beat its way out of my chest. “Are you saying you want people to know?”
    “I’m saying I don’t care. I don’t care who knows. I don’t care what they think. What I care about is you. And I’m trying to be patient. I know you’ve got reasons for keeping us secret. I get it. But Jesus, Collin, it was a dark room. And you pulled away like I’d burned you with acid.”
    “Tim was right on the other side of me.”
    “So?” His eyes blazed.
    I felt like my brain was about to explode. “I don’t know.”
    “Well, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you need to figure out the answer to that. Figure out what’s more important to you.