felt rejected and jealous, I got scared again of how different my life is now, and will continue to be. I went to see Sasha”
I pull my hand away and look intensely into Jackson’s eyes; I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “I’ve been sitting alone in your flat, waiting for you, and you were fucking her?” I am in shock, and it’s audible,
“No Rosie, you’re getting it wrong, please let me finish. I didn’t sleep with Sasha, but I was going to. I thought it would just be easier to stick with what I had with her than keep trying to make this work, but I couldn’t do it. I love you, and even if we’re not together I can’t be with anyone else”
Jackson takes my hands again and I am frozen, trying to process his confession, “But I kissed her Rosie, you need to know that, then I realised what I was doing and I stopped. I ended my friendship with her. I know you won’t forgive me but you needed to know. I needed to be honest”
“And…” I ask, staring blankly ahead.
I t’s now or never, those glances between them at the wedding and her comments regarding the past when I confronted her, I need to know what they were about,
“I know that there’s more ” I take my hands away and can’t bear to look at him, I can feel him watching me, trying to work out what he needs to say, “Just tell me the truth Jackson”
After a long pause and a few deep breaths, Jackson tells me a story that I wasn’t prepared for, and it makes my blood boil. He tells me about how Sasha pounced on him in his sleep and that he was dreaming that he was having sex with me when he woke to realise it was her. How he’s sorry for lying to me when I asked him outright if he’d slept with someone in Thailand, how he knows that he should have told me all of this before now but he was scared, he couldn’t bear to lose me.
He sounds frantic, desperate to make me understand … but I am furious.
“W hat she did is sick Jackson! And you continued a friendship with her!! You made me apologise for accusing you of being unfaithful in Thailand, but I was right”
Before I know it I am pacing the floor in Jackson’s flat, shushing him every time he tries to speak, “You were so friendly with her at the wedding, after what happened do you really think that was appropriate? Stroking her arm, turning your back on me at dinner to talk to her?”
“I was just trying to keep her sweet Rosie. She’s a vindictive bitch when she wants to be and I didn’t want to rub her up the wrong way and have her tell you. She’d have twisted it all to make it sound more than it was”
“ You’re an idiot Jackson! She gave the game away with the looks and the comments, and you made it worse by letting all that happen in front of me. I need to think.” He opens his mouth to respond but I hold up my hand to tell him again to shut up, “Don’t Jackson!” and then I come to a stop. I take a deep breath before looking Jackson in the eye for the first time in what feels like hours,
“Where does she live?” I ask, sounding much calmer than I feel,
“Rosie, I’m not going to tell you where she lives so that you can go over there.” He stands and walks towards me and my whole body tenses with the proximity, he continues “She’s not a problem anymore Rosie, forget her!”
“FORGET HER! Are you serious? She practically raped you Jackson! I’m either going over there to fucking kill her or I’m calling the police!” I am so angry that I’m physically shaking when Jackson takes a firm hold of my arms,
“ Calm Down Rosetta! You’re not going over there and you’re not calling the police. It’s done” He is holding my arms so tightly that it’s starting to hurt, and he is raising his voice in a way that sounds angrier than I thought him capable of, “She’s not a fucking issue so drop it! We need to talk about us Rosie!”
H e looks me in the eyes and must see a slight look of fear in my eyes as he releases his grip on my arms and
I pull my hand away and look intensely into Jackson’s eyes; I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “I’ve been sitting alone in your flat, waiting for you, and you were fucking her?” I am in shock, and it’s audible,
“No Rosie, you’re getting it wrong, please let me finish. I didn’t sleep with Sasha, but I was going to. I thought it would just be easier to stick with what I had with her than keep trying to make this work, but I couldn’t do it. I love you, and even if we’re not together I can’t be with anyone else”
Jackson takes my hands again and I am frozen, trying to process his confession, “But I kissed her Rosie, you need to know that, then I realised what I was doing and I stopped. I ended my friendship with her. I know you won’t forgive me but you needed to know. I needed to be honest”
“And…” I ask, staring blankly ahead.
I t’s now or never, those glances between them at the wedding and her comments regarding the past when I confronted her, I need to know what they were about,
“I know that there’s more ” I take my hands away and can’t bear to look at him, I can feel him watching me, trying to work out what he needs to say, “Just tell me the truth Jackson”
After a long pause and a few deep breaths, Jackson tells me a story that I wasn’t prepared for, and it makes my blood boil. He tells me about how Sasha pounced on him in his sleep and that he was dreaming that he was having sex with me when he woke to realise it was her. How he’s sorry for lying to me when I asked him outright if he’d slept with someone in Thailand, how he knows that he should have told me all of this before now but he was scared, he couldn’t bear to lose me.
He sounds frantic, desperate to make me understand … but I am furious.
“W hat she did is sick Jackson! And you continued a friendship with her!! You made me apologise for accusing you of being unfaithful in Thailand, but I was right”
Before I know it I am pacing the floor in Jackson’s flat, shushing him every time he tries to speak, “You were so friendly with her at the wedding, after what happened do you really think that was appropriate? Stroking her arm, turning your back on me at dinner to talk to her?”
“I was just trying to keep her sweet Rosie. She’s a vindictive bitch when she wants to be and I didn’t want to rub her up the wrong way and have her tell you. She’d have twisted it all to make it sound more than it was”
“ You’re an idiot Jackson! She gave the game away with the looks and the comments, and you made it worse by letting all that happen in front of me. I need to think.” He opens his mouth to respond but I hold up my hand to tell him again to shut up, “Don’t Jackson!” and then I come to a stop. I take a deep breath before looking Jackson in the eye for the first time in what feels like hours,
“Where does she live?” I ask, sounding much calmer than I feel,
“Rosie, I’m not going to tell you where she lives so that you can go over there.” He stands and walks towards me and my whole body tenses with the proximity, he continues “She’s not a problem anymore Rosie, forget her!”
“FORGET HER! Are you serious? She practically raped you Jackson! I’m either going over there to fucking kill her or I’m calling the police!” I am so angry that I’m physically shaking when Jackson takes a firm hold of my arms,
“ Calm Down Rosetta! You’re not going over there and you’re not calling the police. It’s done” He is holding my arms so tightly that it’s starting to hurt, and he is raising his voice in a way that sounds angrier than I thought him capable of, “She’s not a fucking issue so drop it! We need to talk about us Rosie!”
H e looks me in the eyes and must see a slight look of fear in my eyes as he releases his grip on my arms and
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