Me by Ricky Martin

as we got there, she disappeared. Lots of nice young men walked up to me and welcomed me to the service, but she was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly I realized that all the men were standing on one side and all the women were on the other side. I thought it was very strange, but I was there because I wanted to get to know this girl better, so I went along with it.
    Even though I came to the church because I was courting a girl, I also feel that I arrived there because it was what I needed at that moment of my life. I spent a little more than two months going to church, reading the Bible, and studying religious subjects. Even though I grew up Catholic, I’d never really studied the Bible, and it was here that I truly discovered how wise Jesus Christ was, and the great beauty of his teachings. My life until this point had been total craziness, and the simplicity of those moments shared with all those other young people made me feel so good. It was a very peaceful atmosphere, very wholesome, and it helped me to get closer to the little boy inside me.
    In the teachings of Jesus Christ I found a very important concept, self-forgiveness. Back then, I was constantly struggling with all the “bad” things I thought I had done. I’m talking mainly about physical desire, whether for members of the same sex or the opposite sex. Back then I thought those types of thoughts were impure and not okay, which is why I really needed to forge a sense of forgiveness toward myself. And this brought me a monumental calm. This church also taught us to see all human beings as “our brothers” in order to put an end to any kind of physical attraction. That worked for a little while, because I honestly did not want to feel what I was feeling, and I didn’t want to have the thoughts I was having, which, according to “the faith” and certain social codes, constituted the devil’s temptation.
    The church began to govern my life, and I even got to a point where I considered getting baptized, but ultimately didn’t do it. It was hard for me to change my way of thinking, given the values that were etched in my mind—at the end of the day, once a Catholic, always a Catholic—but I honestly tried to.
    As I progressed in my studies, I began to ask myself more and more questions. I read the entire Bible, until in one of the groups I was attending, someone said, “If you don’t repent for your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your salvation, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
    The affirmation hit me hard. I said, “Hold on a second. What do you mean by that? You mean to say that everyone I have loved intensely who has passed away is not in heaven if he or she did not accept Jesus Christ as their salvation?”
    “Well, yes,” they answered, “we have to pray a lot for those souls.”
    I was stunned. My grandparents were saints. They were people who dedicated themselves to helping their fellow human beings. They adored their children and were devoted to their families; they never lied, and never showed malice toward anyone. Their lives were filled with love and generosity! And these people were telling me that because my grandparents did not go to church they are not in heaven? If this was the case it was clear to me that I no longer wanted to go to heaven. I wanted to be wherever my grandparents were.
    I started to ask myself other questions: What happens to the other people who don’t share this faith? Are they not in heaven, either? I thought (and still think) these kinds of affirmations are seated in a great deal of arrogance. Where do the Jewish, Muslims, Catholics, Buddhists, Taoists, Native Americans, atheists, agnostics go? Are they trapped in nothingness? I think my questions were very valid. They might seem a bit abstract to some, but they were definitely valid to me.
    I was faced with what for me was an irreconcilable conflict. I continued studying and I began to find other things that made me feel uncomfortable in the teachings